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+2 votes
It's like only God knows who I really am. My parents don't want me in their life. They don't bother to understand me, and I don't receive any love. All they;ve done for me is through their obligatory feelings of what they should do as parents, but I feel invisible.

I can cry, not talk to anyone, be withdrawn, and they won't notice. The only time they notice me is when my mom goes to my room and gives me a one-hour sermon about stuff she thinks I did and she;s so angry, I don;t even know what I did. If only I had a witness. She'll call me bad names and that she's ashamed of me. She's convinced my dad that I;m a horrible daghter too. If only somebody knew all that I go through at home.

I feel like I'm a horrible person. I don't even know why. What did I do. Everything is okay. Eveyrhing is fine. I didn't do anything. Why me again? Why are you doing this to me? It's like I'm a punching bag and they just throw all their accusations and judgements at me, and I dont know why they do this to me? What did I do??????

I can't be happy? Is that it? I'm not allowed to be happy or respected? As a woman? as a person? I'm like a dog or a pet that's it and if I don't do what you want me to do, I can be punsihed with bruises and harsh words? You can lock me in the house? Am i your property? You can say bad words to my friends? Tell me that when I die, you won't let any of my friend near my coffin? What the hell?

You embarass me in front of every boyfriend I ever had and disrespect us? Why
? BEcause he makes me happy?

It's a miracle I even have a good job after all those crazy miserable years I lived in this house. All the adults in my life have failed me. Even the teachers in my school spread bad rumors about me and think I'm a liar, and whatnot. What did I ever do to you?

 I keep telling myself, just live another day. You will die when it's your time. Something wonderful can happen. But it's like it's all a joke.

It's like I'm a joke that no one can respect or take seriously. Im not ugly, I have brains, but why does everyone want to bring me down. Does it make them feel better? Is it just human nature?

It;s like I'm always doing something wrong. I'm too nice or too serioues or too this too that. I can't be myself anymore literally can't. I;m just so lost. Every attempt I do to feel better just hits me in the face.

I vigorously try to be excited about life, every passing day, but I always get punished for this. I seem to get let down. I don;t think bad of anybody, I don't do anything bad to anybody on purose, but somehow I'm not enough. I'm stupid. I'm a *****, I'm shameful, I'm this and that--the most horrible words. And I can never get over it.

What did I ever do to anyone?

In this world, or maybe just in my world, people even family feel they have to bring you down to feel better about themselves.

I have to get out of here. When I stay too long at one place, It's like I'm posion or something. I can't help these feelings. Ido n't want to be around other people anymore. I just want to be at peace.

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3 Answers

0 votes
Profile Photo by Jones ANGEL14K+ (15.6k points)   3 7 24
hey there...that's quite a situation you have there..

why people (in general) act in such a negative way to others is a big old mystery to me and add to this the fact that this is a family member and the mystery just becomes exponential!

you must be really torn between having to deal with the constant negativity and feelings of abandonment, with the thoughts of family and why the hell is this happening.

I am a firm believer in cutting out the drains in your life and packing in those people whom you like/love/respect. Life is very very short and to dilute the experience is to be avoided if possible.

are you able to distance yourself from your parents for a while? I say "a while", because breathing space can be a great thing to allow everyone to take a breath and reassess the situation. Let's do nothing permanent in haste. If "a while" doesn't cut the mustard, then you have been through the correct and proper process and can move on with the knowledge that you have done the right thing.

i'd like nothing more than to chat to you further and hear how things progress for you, so please keep in touch if you'd like to.

take care
0 votes
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
You are not a joke. Sometimes it is easy to forget that parents are human too. I am in no way excusing their behavior, just trying to understand the bigger picture. Do you feel at all unsafe in your home? You do not deserve to be abused no matter what it is they think they did. With that said, have you really objectively looked at the situation?

More than likely your parents are scared. They are scared because they do not know how to relate to you. If you do not tell them how you feel, they cannot possibly know. You may feel withdrawn, but they may only see it as you are tired or being quiet. You need to tell them how you feel. Keep in mind too that it does not matter if you are 50, parents will always see you as their child. You need to take the adult step and talk to them calmly and rationally. Family counseling may help.

I am not sure what is going on in school, but teachers should not be talking ill of you. You can always report them to the superintendent if the problem persists. You are not a horrible person. You are not poison.  Sometimes those closest to us are the ones who hurt us the most. I am truly sorry you are going through all this. ... I think it is a rule that parents not like boyfriends - oh have I been there. Don't take it too personal. My best advice and what I cannot stress enough is to communicate with your parents. Perhaps, they themselves do not realize how hurtful they are being. Next time, maybe you can record it. You can just discretely hit record on your phone without your parents knowing. Then you can dissect the video for them and actually show them how hurtful it is.

Focus on the good things. You have a job you like and you have a boyfriend. This situation is not going to last forever. At some point, you will be able to move out and move on, if the situation does not change. Keep your head up. You are a beautiful human being worthy of love and respect. We are here if you want to talk... Big Hug
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (284k points)   7 7 12

1. Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from the side of Christ, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; within Thy wounds, hide me; let me never be separated from Thee; from the evil one, deliver me; at the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to Thee, that with Thy saints, I may praise Thee forever and ever. Amen.

2. Prayer Against Malefice from the Greek Ritual

God, our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful and All-mighty, You Who made everything and Who transform everything simply by Your will. You Who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the ‘seven-times hotter’ furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the salvation of those who turn to You.

We beseech You to make powerless, banish, and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against Your servant [name of person/s]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory, and charity.

O Lord, You Who love man, we beg You to reach out Your powerful hands and Your most high and mighty arms and send the angel of peace over us, to protect us, body and soul. May he keep at bay and vanquish every evil power, every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people.

Then, under the protection of Your authority may we sing, in gratitude, ‘The Lord is my salvation; whom should I fear? I will not fear evil because You are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages.”

Yes, Lord our God, be merciful to us, Your image, and save your servant [name of person/s] from every threat or harm from the evil one, and protect him/her by raising him/her above all evil. We ask You this through the intercession of our Most Blessed, glorious Lady, Mary ever Virgin, Mother of God, of the most splendid archangels and all Your saints. Amen!

3. Prayer for Deliverance

My Lord, you are all powerful, you are God, you are Father. We beg you through the intercession and help of the archangels Michael, Raphael and Gabriel, for the deliverance of our brothers and sisters who are enslaved by the evil one. All saints of Heaven, come to our aid.

From anxiety, sadness and obsessions, we beg You. Free us, O Lord. From hatred, fornication, envy, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From thoughts of jealousy, rage, and death, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every thought of suicide and abortion, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every form of sinful sexuality, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

From every division in our family, and every harmful friendship, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every sort of spell, malefic, witchcraft, and every form of the occult, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

Lord, You Who said, “I leave you peace, My peace I give you,” grant that, through the intercession of the Virgin Mary, we may be liberated from every evil spell and enjoy your peace always. In the name of Christ, our Lord. Amen.

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