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Big life decision... driving me crazy... I need advice

+3 votes
112 views
asked Sep 10, 2015 by anonymous  
Sorry if this is not a question of life and death. But I've been thinking about this for weeks and it's driving me into a depressing state of mind. Last week I got fever because of over-thinking this. And these days I can't sleep because I keep thinking. The psychological stress is overspilling so badly I feel dizzy all the time. I'm losing interest in getting my days going... I need to get out of this limbo quickly. I don't want to sink anymore...

I'm a foreigner working in a foreign country for quite a number of years. I don't like my job, it's not a reasonably paid job and the workload is too heavy, but I really love the country - the culture and the places are amazing. Its closeness to nature always make me feel good. I'm hoping to obtain the passport of this country - I'll be eligible in two years' time. But now I've got a good potential job offer back in my home country. I've been asked to apply for a job with good salary and better job title. Now I am in a big dilemma. If I go for this new job, I will need to move away, meaning never living in this foreign country again nor having the chance to obtain the passport. I also need to give up some of the things I've established here. The mere thought can drive me to tears.

My gut feeling wants me to stay. I can't make up my mind to go back to my home country because the political condition is unstable. Although people have money, they don't have reasonable living space nor freedom. It offers a lot of materialistic enjoyments - as long as you don't mind losing freedom and cramping yourself into a small cage, you can enjoy money and status. People back at home may laugh at me for not earning enough money. But equally I can laugh at them for not having a reasonable living space though they are earning much more. For example, the current small place I'm living in in this foreign country would cost 8 times more in my home country. Ridiculous.

A voice in my mind keeps laughing at me saying I'm stupid enough to give up the chance of career promotion and very good salary. 'Coz I may never get another of such good chance. I feel silly... But I can't make up my mind to go back either. I am perplexed. It looks as though I can choose between two options but both are important to me: One being a good living environment, a passport and freedom; the other option being money and career advancement.

I'm thinking it over and over, analysing every bit of information. Talked to my very few number of friends. But still feeling very scared to make a decision.... I'm on my own. I'm in a very depressed state of mind because of this.... I know it sounds silly but I'm sinking.... I need to decide, I can't keep losing control....

Sorry that this all sounds so stupid... thanks for any enlightenment in advance.
    

2 Answers

+2 votes
Profile Photo answered Sep 11, 2015 by goodwill ANGEL24K (33,360 points)   5 12 58
 
Best answer
It is not stupid. It is a major decision so I completely understand how this is taking over. Ultimately, only you can make it though. And yes, it is scary because you will always think what if ... You say the place you are from has little to no freedom, and is politically unstable. You also need to consider then, your safety and that maybe you will even lose this job. Nothing is certain. But it sounds to me like you have already made your choice. It doesn't sound like you want to leave. You are simply considering it because of the money. Money is enticing but it is not worth your happiness. I took a job simply because of the money and it did not end well. I could not wait to find another job. Why not look for a better job where you are? Or, perhaps you can talk to management and ask what are the possibilities for promotion.

The most important thing to consider is what would make you the happiest. Career is important, but it is not the most important thing. Weigh your options. I am sure as hardworking and intelligent as you are a similar great position will be offered to you again, but where you want to live. It is all about quality of life. The more you make the more you spend anyway. Think of future goals not just money. Who cares if people judge your decision ... they are not the ones who have to live with it so you must do what makes you happy. What is the point of making millions if you are going to be miserable all the time ... Think about it a little more and give yourself a deadline. You can come back and talk to us as many times as you need. We are here for you. Good luck, and I hope I hear back from you.
commented Sep 12, 2015 by anonymous  
Thanks very much for the thoughtful reply. I've decided to stay because I really like the quality of life here. The good living environment is priceless. Although I am not rich, at least I can have a nice little place to call home. The sense of freedom is also important. I will probably have more freedom after I am eligible for a passport. The current job is **** but I will hold on to it for now - I'll try my best to work and see if I can prosper here. If not, I will look for a better job after a few years.

Life in my home country is too frustrating and stressful. I know the new job will be even more stressful than my present one. The pay is high but the house prices are also crazy there - and eventually even after you've saved up a big sum, you can only buy a shoebox. Something's wrong politically and people in my home country are increasingly unhappy. There might be another round of civil unrest. It's risky to go back now.

It's such a big relief to have finally made the decision. Life can now move on. On retrospect, although the experience of struggling when making this decision seemed silly, it actually helped me to re-organise my life priorities. Some painful facts were laid bare before me (such as the fact that my situations don't allow me to save up big money because the tax and living expenses are too expensive here, also, the fact that I've got to find better ways to develop my career etc.). But now that I have a clear understanding of the issues (yes, painful), I will deal with them one by one. I guess I was just overwhelmed by the scale of issues and the pressure to resolve them. I don't have enough faith in myself - that adds to the problems. But I have to believe in myself because I have no one else to support me, I'll need to live life all on my own (especially true as a foreigner in a foreign country), so I've got to be strong and brave. Thanks again. Take care.
Profile Photo commented Sep 13, 2015 by goodwill ANGEL24K (33,360 points)   5 12 58
You are welcome. But I did not do much. You made the difficult decision. I can imagine it wasn't easy. No matter how bad your country may be, you still hold love for it since it is where you grew up. Where is it if you don't mind me asking? I am positive bigger and better things will come up where you are now. Give it time. Everything happens for a reason ... and you can always come back and vent with us here ;)
commented Sep 13, 2015 by anonymous  
Thanks. It's somewhere in Asia, a controversial place. I wrote a polite email to turn down the job offer. Today I heard back from the boss - it was a bit heartbreaking to hear he said he's disappointed. I am fearful of making an important person unhappy. But perhaps it's just some polite rhetoric that I shouldn't worry about. Nothing is absolute anyway. Who knows what will happen in a few years' time. I will just try to work hard here, change something from bad to good, find ways to solve problems, and see what happens.
Profile Photo commented Sep 15, 2015 by goodwill ANGEL24K (33,360 points)   5 12 58
Don't feel bad. You had valid reasons to refuse the offer. I don't think you angered him. You were polite. I am sure a better opportunity will open up where you are. :) Good luck with everything and keep me posted
0 votes
Profile Photo answered Sep 11, 2015 by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (193,530 points)   6 7 12
Greetings anonymous... try to click on the URL that will surely heal your mind, body & soul...

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