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+2 votes
This was a secret from everyone in my life except him.  Now there is no one to talk to.  I need help to make it through the next few days, weeks, months.  What do I do now?
We planned to be together, but every time a "deadline" comes, he has a reason why we need to wait longer.  This morning I realized he was not leaving his wife.  It is so hard to face that he used me.  He still claims he loves me and was planning to leave all along but cannot leave his children.  How do I stop believing him?  Help me walk completely away.  please help me.

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6 Answers

+1 vote
Cinders, you need to come out of the ashes.
It was wrong for you to date him, and vice versa,  in the first place and he has every right to dump you, and you have every right to dump him. Genesis 2:24, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."
This is what a man and a wife should be like.  It is what you could have.  It is also what he should be having. God hates divorce. Mark 10:9, "What God hath joined together let not man put asunder."   

One of the hardest things for a person to do is to let them go.  Especially if you had a close relationship with them. Just be friends, but don't get any closer.
If you want to talk, please comment on my post.
+3 votes
First off, congrats that you FINALLY MAKE THAT STEP to be happy. And happiness means a life without him. I know it is hard but believe me, all breakups are.

Next step, do not look back. I know this is hard as you will miss this and that but TRUST ME, you will be fine.

Third step, book a vacation somewhere else and know people. Make friends. If he calls,....why do you still have this number? Change the number, block him, cancel every contact whatsoever.

Forth, you will heal..time will heal it. Cliché? yes but true.

Lastly, you will look back and wonder "why the heck have I been so silly?? I wasted my time with him!"

I was at the same spot as you but trust me... I made it. I am now happily married to SOMEONE ELSE. Walking away from someone that is not meant for me was the best decision ever.

For me, if someone keeps extending time, it really mean one thing--- HE IS NOT THAT INTO YOU. Reality is harsh but be that strong woman. You will be so proud of yourself when you finally moved on and DO NOT give him any chances or make any excuses anymore.

+2 votes
Profile Photo by Baluyot ANGEL500 (660 points)   1 3
Hi Cinders,

Thank you for sharing this most crucial event in your life. I admire your courage, honesty and willingness to ask for help. It is not that easy to accept the truth, yes it hurts. But good for you because finally you accepted and faced reality - that he is not leaving his wife. And that he loves his children. Cinders, its time to love yourself, think of your happiness and the good opportunities that will come your way. I tell you, once you are out of his life, you will see that there are more to life. Will it be okay for you to try the dating sites. Immense yourself with these stuff. Most of all pray to Jesus. I will share this prayer with you now -

Keep me, O God in the Palm of your Hand.

" Lord Jesus,

Here I am. I trust in You.
You are My God.
My life is in Your hands!

You know my heart.
You know my cares.
You know my worries.
You know the things,
that make me afraid.

Lord Jesus,
With Your Mighty hands,
supply my needs.
As You fed the thousands,
healed the sick,
calmed the storm, and
raised the dead,
so keep e, O Lord, my God...
In the Palm of Your Hand!"

Always remember that God Loves you, God is good all the time.

Take care and God bless,
+2 votes
There are two kinds of love: One that makes us strong. Another one that destroys us and not meant to be. Unfortunately, sometimes we fall for the latter. But hey, you've made the clever decision to stop it. Congratulations! You are now FREE. You are free from the negative feelings of being in a secret relationship. Now you are free to walk away to travel, to explore new places, to meet new people, to do more things you love, and what's more important, to open up your heart to a better person who's meant to be with you, who will make you strong and feel treasured. Believe in your own decision and have faith. This is just a little teething period from the old self to your new life. It might not feel good but it's transitory. The pain will pass. Why not start enjoying the freedom, leave the past behind, and bravely move on to the next phase. Take care, dear.
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (251k points)   7 7 12
Greetings Cinders... try to click on the URL that will surely heal your mind, body & soul...


Verses in the Holy Bible about healing:

Isaiah 41:10 ESV / 376 helpful votes

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Jeremiah 17:14 ESV / 314 helpful votes

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.

1 Peter 2:24 ESV / 277 helpful votes

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed.

Jeremiah 33:6 ESV / 262 helpful votes

Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security.

Isaiah 53:5 ESV / 251 helpful votes

But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed.

Psalm 103:2-4 ESV / 231 helpful votes

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,

James 5:15 ESV / 209 helpful votes

And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.

James 5:14 ESV / 150 helpful votes

Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.

James 5:16 ESV / 143 helpful votes

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

3 John 1:2 ESV / 126 helpful votes

Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.

Proverbs 17:22 ESV / 114 helpful votes

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Matthew 10:1 ESV / 111 helpful votes

And he called to him his twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every disease and every affliction.

Psalm 147:3 ESV / 110 helpful votes

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Matthew 10:8 ESV / 107 helpful votes

Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying; give without pay.

Deuteronomy 7:15 ESV / 97 helpful votes

And the Lord will take away from you all sickness, and none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which you knew, will he inflict on you, but he will lay them on all who hate you.

Philippians 4:19 ESV / 86 helpful votes

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 41:3 ESV / 85 helpful votes

The Lord sustains him on his sickbed; in his illness you restore him to full health.

Proverbs 4:20-22 ESV / 71 helpful votes

My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.
0 votes
You're in a deceptive relationship that is symbiotic parasitic relationship. What you're going through is called Affair fog -look it up.

Chances are you knew better than to mess with a married man but you chose to against your better judgement, thinking that it wouldn't be so bad. But now you're facing the consequences of your bad decision you need to own that part. He too knew he shouldn't be messing around since he was married but he also against his better judgment followed his temptation thinking he can handle it. Regardless, he is MARRIED.
There is no way you will find peace in a situation where you are coming in between a holy and God-ordained union. Even if they are not living righteously, the institution of marriage itself is Holy and should be seen as such by anybody, married or single.

Having said that, I'm happy that you are finally seeing the light. You have allowed him to steal five years of your life as well as manipulated your heart and taken from you. Truth be told, you were both lying to each other to serve selfish desires.  Affairs are NEVER built on anything but lies and deceit. You need to see that he was always LYING to you. That's a hard pill to swallow, but as soon as you can do it you will see that you are worth more then to be somebody's side chick.

I am a betrayed husband whose wife is in an active, adulterous affair with another married man.  So, yes there are now TWO families that are being ripped apart for nothing more than selfish desires built on lies by two broken people.
She has taken my children from me, left the house, and filed for divorce - all the while being SO mean and ugly that I don't even know who she is anymore.
She is deep into her affair fog and I have given her over to God. I MUST keep my eyes and my hope firmly planted in His care and ever-lasting arms or I shall be consumed by the wolves of doubt and fear and discouragement that crouch just outside my door waiting to devour me.
Although I'm heartbroken, I must trust God to lead me and guide me every minute of the day. I am telling you there's no pain worse than being betrayed and you need to understand that you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start to see the damage you have done to his wife and his marriage. Yes, he did choose to enter into an affair and that's on him. But you also willingly chose to enter into a relationship with a MARRIED man and be used as a tool by him, for his pleasure, while his wife and family pay the price, and to damage their marriage and in doing so, caused unbelievable heartache to his wife. I don't say this to make you feel guilty or to shame you, but to help you understand where you need to start. You need to start with confession to God and asking for forgiveness from God. Then you need to accept his forgiveness by an act of faith and then you need to set your face like Flint towards your goal of being free of that manipulative, unholy, deceptive, relationship. You must commit to working on yourself so that you will be ready to handle a holy relationship. You need to find out what is in you that drives you to be willing to be used by a married man and what drives you to be willing to damage a marriage for your selfish gain. Again, I don't mean to be harsh but you need to understand and seek the answers to these things so that you learn from them and so that you don't repeat the same mistakes - this is your goal. Make no mistake - you have sinned. But make no mistake - there is forgiveness and grace and mercy and love and freedom and healing available to you right where you're at, right now.

I'm sorry that you're hurting but I can tell you that is a direct result of your poor decisions. If you want to stop hurting then start making better decisions. If you want better results, start making better decisions. Start thinking differently. Stop following feelings. Start rejecting bad ideas regardless of how titillating they made be.

Blessings to you my friend. Know that there is grace and mercy and forgiveness that abound in the loving arms of God but he needs you to be real with yourself and with him to gain access to those things. And in time the blessings will come. They will come, but you have to do the right things.

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