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i believe that we are all put on the earth for a reason, i really 100% do, and that each of our purposes in life are to learn, and then, as we move on and are reborn, we use our knowledge from our past life and apply it in our new one. i feel like a coward. i know what i should be doing but i'm just not. i'm too scared and i don't know how. i don't know how to seize the day or be genuinely happy (the only time i'm GENUINELY, undoubtedly happy is when i'm on something.)

i want to be happy, geuinely, and socialize and have fun and stop being so scared to do everything and it drives me mad. i let my fears control my whole life. they dictate how i live. it's unbelievably scary and i feel trapped. i don't know what my purpose is either, but that's a whole nother thing.

if i kill myself i feel like i would be failing myself and what would i learn from my experience here? to just end it all by my own hand? i've made no lasting impact on anyone and i'm barely anywhere near the type of person i want to be.

but maybe that's why i want to do it so badly? there's a nagging voice in the back of my head at all times telling me it's always gonna be like this. it's been like this my whole life. scared and shy and confused. is it adolescence or is it me? i wish someone would tell me, god, i wish someone knew what i was going through or the pain i constantly feel, i wish that i could accurately convey my feelings to someone. this isn't doing me justice. i feel dumb for typing this.

i know that this isn't true, but it seems like everyone else around me knows what to do and how to react to things and they know how to be social and likeable. i know it's all in my head! i mean, i have friends to an extent and i'm not as socially inept as i know a lot of people feel they are. i have good interests and i know i'm a fairly good person. i am just so so so so so so so scared. of rejection and failure and all that garbage. it outweights all the good stuff. it makes it feel like i actually have nothing to offer.

im not especially suicidal or anything right now or even particularly sad. i'm sitting doing homework now. i havent really felt suicidal for a few weeks. i'm looking at this from a rational point of view, as rational as it can be. but i always look to the future, you know, and i can't see myself not comitting suicide. i know that saying this makes me more inclined to feel this way, yadda, and i believe that. i know that i can get help and maybe it's even my fault, that i'm allowing myself to feel this way. i've read the self help stuff, i know the rhetoric and i believe it too. but i don't know how to NOT say this. i think it'll happen kinda soon too, like before i'm 30. before i'm an adult i mean. i can't really live like this for longterm anyway. it makes me sad to want to rely on stimulants to make me act normal or depressants to calm me down. it hurts. i want out.

someone help me. i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i don't know if this is the right thing to post here, i just stumbled upon this website a few minutes ago. i don't know what i expect to get out of this post other than people probably spamming christian stuff in the comments. anyway, thanks for reading.
Country: USA
    

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3 Answers

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Hello A;

I don't believe in your belief about past lives, or being here for a reason. I think we are here because two people made a baby, that is all, and we have their genetics. They may have given us a gift to play music or learn languages or just be.....Life is far more random than we want it to be, that is why we make up stuff, to reassure ourselves.

You seem to need a lot of reassurance, and that could be helped in either someone motivating you, like sportsmen, that does help. Or maybe you need a more deeper talk, if you have demons to face up to from the past. Or maybe you need prescribed medication. That can work too, though you need a doctor to decide that.

What you don't need are drugs which in the long run are bad for your health, or drink, or harming yourself. Non of those do anything but create problems in the future. And increase your lack of self worth. Short term great, long term bad news!

Don't assume you "know" what the future will bring. It has a habit of bringing things you did not expect. Don't assume no one else is struggling. You will be surprised that if others your age were honest, they are struggling too. In fact any age! They may just be good at hiding it, putting on an act, or just plain lying...

I am not going to lie myself. Life is hard, it is not fair. We have to make the best of what we get. Do things that please ourselves, that don't harm or annoy others. Do positive acts, like helping other people or even animals. Feeling self worth is such a strong uplift.

Try not to dwell on negativity - what others have got that you don't have - your own failings. You must have something good about yourself, something others may wish they had too.
Similarly that other person who you think may be perfect, is not! No one ever is. We are humans we all have faults. It's life.

I wish you good luck and positive thoughts. Please stay off the drugs or whatever it is you do. You really don't need them.

Try not to be too afraid, its hard I know. I wish I could say more to help you, but on this website we can only just reply, and with our reply say, we care about you and are trying to help. All we have are our words. Good luck.....
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Hello 16yr old person:  I just wanted to thank you for sharing honestly and hoping to let you know that it is perfectly all right to share it like you do.  It's only being human.  Talking it out helps.  May all responses to your sharing empower you and strengthen your will to strive on.  You are here for a reason and you are most blessed.  Thank you for being you and living among us.
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Hi A
  fist of all want to say you definitely aren't dumb. i am 50  and  one of my children is almost 16. it is tough to watch the pressures on you young people now you are tough and brave you  an amazing generation . my husband is 67 and he remembers when  being young meant something differant than it does now  more socialising. i  suppose  being a teenager was always  confusing and hard but now we are less sociable it is probably a lot lonelier for most . but like i said you are an amazing generation; smarter and braver . i wonder how much  a few  16 year olds can do to bring back wholesome socialising like it used to be .

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