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Everynight I wish I wouldn't wake up anymore. It seems everything just makes me sad. I don't want to see this world anymore

+1 vote
257 views
asked Oct 27, 2015 by Em  
Recently, I feel like I'm going numb emotionally. I don't seem to enjoy the things that gives me happiness anymore. I feel like I'm tired of just existing. I've totally lost my motivation. I don't seem to feel like I want to do anything at all. I feel like I don't want to wake up and see this world anymore. It's like I'm really bored to the worst level. Even though I know I could try doing some activities but I just don't have the motivation. I feel like everything doesn't matter anymore. It feels like nothing makes me happy anymore. Sometimes i just find myself staring too long at nothing and becoming a soulless shell and being like that feels kind'a addicting. I seem to forget to eat. It feels like I don't mind the pain in my tummy at all. This sadness is like eating my soul and somehow I feel like I'm being drowned in it. I'm starting to think that happiness is an illusion. Seeing other people's happiness is scaring me. And I feel like when there seem to be an opportunity of slight happiness for me, it feels like it's a trap I should avoid at all cost. I wanted to be alone in the darkness and not see the light. Hiding in the dark makes me feel safe. I wanted to disappear. My existence doesn't matter. I feel like I'm craving for an absolute peace. I don't want to see anything, I don't want to hear anything, I don't want to feel anything. I want to sleep for eternity.
Country: Philippines
    

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2 Answers

0 votes
Profile Photo answered Oct 27, 2015 by HOPE ANGEL24K (61,920 points)   6 11 36
Dear Em,

I don't have a solution, but what you wrote reminded me something I read:

====
Heart Sutra

The Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore


Avalokiteshvara
while practicing deeply with
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore,
suddenly discovered that
all of the five Skandhas are equally empty,
and with this realisation
he overcame all Ill-being.

“Listen Sariputra,
this Body itself is Emptiness
and Emptiness itself is this Body.
This Body is not other than Emptiness
and Emptiness is not other than this Body.
The same is true of Feelings,
Perceptions, Mental Formations,
and Consciousness.

“Listen Sariputra,
all phenomena bear the mark of Emptiness;
their true nature is the nature of
no Birth no Death,
no Being no Non-being,
no Defilement no Purity,
no Increasing no Decreasing.

“That is why in Emptiness,
Body, Feelings, Perceptions,
Mental Formations and Consciousness
are not separate self entities.

The Eighteen Realms of Phenomena
which are the six Sense Organs,
the six Sense Objects,
and the six Consciousnesses
are also not separate self entities.

The Twelve Links of Interdependent Arising
and their Extinction
are also not separate self entities.
Ill-being, the Causes of Ill-being,
the End of Ill-being, the Path,
insight and attainment,
are also not separate self entities.

Whoever can see this
no longer needs anything to attain.

Bodhisattvas who practice
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore
see no more obstacles in their mind,
and because there
are no more obstacles in their mind,
they can overcome all fear,
destroy all wrong perceptions
and realize Perfect Nirvana.

“All Buddhas in the past, present and future
by practicing
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore
are all capable of attaining
Authentic and Perfect Enlightenment.

“Therefore Sariputra,
it should be known that
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore
is a Great Mantra,
the most illuminating mantra,
the highest mantra,
a mantra beyond compare,
the True Wisdom that has the power
to put an end to all kinds of suffering.
Therefore let us proclaim
a mantra to praise
the Insight that Brings Us to the Other Shore.

Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!
Gate, Gate, Paragate, Parasamgate, Bodhi Svaha!”
====


Em, you don't need death to bring you peace, and you don't need to find safety in loneliness and darkness!! There are people waiting for your help ...

HOPE
0 votes
answered Oct 27, 2015 by LIVE  
USA hotline
In an emergency, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK

Philippine Suicide Prevention Hotline (Updated July 9, 2015)

The Philippines’ FIRST depression and suicide prevention hotline is now open. Call 804-4673 (HOPE). Open 24/7.

Information and Crisis Intervention Center

(02) 804-HOPE (4673)
0917-558-HOPE (4673) or (632) 211-4550
0917-852-HOPE (4673) or (632) 964-6876
0917-842-HOPE (4673) or (632) 964-4084

In Touch Crisis Lines:

0917-572-HOPE or (632) 211-1305
(02) 893-7606 (24/7)
(02) 893-7603 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
Globe (63917) 800.1123 or (632) 506.7314
Sun (63922) 893.8944 or (632) 346.8776

“Dial a Friend”
Hotlines:
(632) 525-1743
(632) 525-1881

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