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I just don't know what to do. I had a fun night with my friends but now I'm at home at 2 am, I want to kill myself and I'm not sure of the route of the problem. I guess I have a lot of friends but I can't talk to anyone i know about anything this deep and even though I have friends I feel empty and helpless. I feel like loneliness is probably the route of my depression, although last time I had a girlfriend most of the time I felt even more depressed idk why it just wasn't a good relationship. Idek I just feel like there isn't anything that can make me truly happy, and even though there are moments where I feel happy and forget about everything nothing seems to change my direct mood. I have a lot to be happy about. I have a bright future and my family have been there even if we aren't close and lots of friends. I have recently satisfied one of my life goals by getting into a university abroad. However even though I have this I still feel a deep gut-wrenching pain that I can't get rid of and I feel like it will never end. The cause could be that my remaining grandparents are always going in and out of hospital and there's always a fairly depressing atmosphere around the house, or it could be that I'm lonely and although I've got off with girls in recent months I haven't had an actual relationship with someone for over a year and I guess I'm scared of getting attached to someone again. I don't even know how I'd be able to have another girlfriend I'm afraid that she'd just not enjoy her time with me. I also wonder sometimes if I have SAD, because I always seem to be more depressed in the winter and darker months, and this has been the case for the past 3 years or so. I self harm but not to a great extent, I'm scared of what I could damage other than myself if it went any further. I think I'm writing this because I feel completely helpless and I don't know what to do, and I hope there will be a magical answer that will just solve my problems. I think I'm writing to see if anyone else has been at this point, and if things have got better for them. I think I'm looking for hope. If anyone thinks they understand and can help, it would be great if you could respond. I don't even know if this is the right place to ask because I just looked for the first thing that might help online. I just can't stand anything. I have no motivation and I don't enjoy things like I used to. I'm rambling and writing down my thoughts. I just have a fear of not being good enough all the time and I feel like **** all the time. Sorry if this is completely out of place ir doesn't make sense but if anyone is listening and is kind enough to offer some words of advice I would greatly appreciate it.
    

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3 Answers

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I feel so badly that there are so many hurting people in the world.  I'm one of them too.  Nothing, not even my usual interests are giving me any joy or pleasure.  The only thing I can suggest is trying to trust and believe in Jesus.  I know I have no other option.  I've been trying to get help nearly 40 yrs. and nothing's worked but faith (sometimes even forcing myself to have faith).  Really, do we have anything to lose by trying and keeping trying?  I'm stuck right now and wondering if I'm blocking off my faith or if there's something I have to learn first but I'm just trying to wait on Him and know that He's still in the miracle business.  We need miracles.  Simple, honest prayers are great...like you are talking to a friend.
You may want to try taking vitamin D, too.  It helps some people who have SAD and we can all use more vit. D this time of yr. with fewer sunlight hrs.
I really understand that what you're going through is awful.  Thanks for sharing.  I know I'm not alone in this.
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Hi! Sometimes I do feel lonely despite being surrounded by my friends. The only reason I can think of is that,  they aren't your true friend. Honestly speaking, I still haven't find my real true friend yet. My parents almost tell me that true friends are hard to find. Some friends told that it's because I held on to my heart too tightly that I refused to set it free. Many people come and go. I agree with them therefore sometimes I feel that we should loosen up a little. Take a little risk. Open your heart.  Maybe it's because you're sad that nobody understand you. (that's how I feel when I'm lonely in a crowded place) but sometimes I tell myself this, " I can't let negativtity and sadness affect me. Life's too short for this." And slowly, I open my heart to the world. I can't say that now I don't feel lonely anymore because I still do occassionally. But that feeling has lessen. In exchange, I have gained much more laughter and joy in life.

And you don't have to worry about your girlfriend not enjoying her time with you. I am currently in a relationship and sometimes we get lay around not doing anything. It might seem boring but it's the time spend together that matters. Don't overthink things. If you're in a relationship, try talking to your girlfriend. I am sure she'll answers your doubts and you guys can talk things out.
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When your body lacks food or water you have emotional responses that drive you to refresh yourself.

Over time you stop crying to get fed and you learn how to respond to that emotion. Eventually you probably forget that you experience this emotion and simply cook a meal, visit a restaurant, make a coffee.

The emotion will still be there. If you spent an extended time without food or drink you would soon feel it intensify.

It's the survival instinct. It's why you bother to inhale.

That's why you can't just hold your breath until you suffocate.

Your present emotion dilemma is the result of some need.

If it isn't as simple as a nice glass of water, a warm bath, a stroll in beautiful surroundings then you just have to live with it while you work out what it is.

You are obviously young. You will have mixed hormonal responses in your body. Some of these hormones regulate mood.
It's the challenge of growing from childhood to adulthood.

Focus on making your future a rewarding one. Set some goals beyond university that are directly related to yourself. ie not dependent on holding mummy's or daddy's hand or replacing that hand with a substitute.

Be prepared to take different routes towards your goals.
Be prepared to change your goals in time.

Accept the potential for unavoidable change. You could face living in a world struck down by a natural disaster. You can't predict such events nor should you try. Life events are just that way.

Your present emotional response is simply down to some sort of body chemistry. If you can't figure out what, then stimulate your body in positive, healthy ways. Avoid harmful, toxic, negative actions and situations.
Accept that, for example that exciting night out with its excesses will have drained some of your batteries.

You aren't the first to feel like you do. Nor the last. And everybody else goes through the same emotions.

Just some people stop crying because they feel hungry and become chefs.

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