How do I overcome these feelings of shame and fear?

Question

Here is my most recent journal entry to help explain my situation.

    Dear journal, I feel I’m faltering in my path. I’ve tried several times over to approach something meaningful and each time I find it difficult to commit to anything. I feel the education I am receiving is a mistake and that I have chosen the wrong path, almost as if I’m still unsure of what I want to do with my life. Please journal, give me the strength and wisdom I need to pursue the right path in life. Why have I chosen English as my major and will it really prove satisfactory down the line? Are my aspirations merely an amalgamation of my most respected peers? If so, how do I find myself in all of this mess?
    I took a survey twice recently, and both times found myself labeled as a “luminary.” The description was of one who lights the way for others and resounded with my soul, but at that very moment, I realized that my writing may not help to accomplish that. It is entirely possible that I do in fact light the way for others, but is writing really how I want to accomplish that? Writing merely provides inspiration and, at times, tools to go out and take action; whereas I want to directly influence the changes in everyone’s life. I feel that I am limiting my potential with the career path I have chosen and am at a loss of inspiration as to how I can overcome this hurdle.
    I’ve not had the chance to distance myself from the comfort of my home due to my lack of income and failing health, and I feel this has caused me to latch onto the nearest career path and hang on for dear life. I don’t know what I want to do in life because I haven’t had the opportunity to explore what life has to offer. The few times I have considered exploration, I aborted ship because I couldn’t see myself as a 300 lb. + wandering nomad. I know what must be done to get my life back in order but have been unable to make the commitment and follow through.
    Every day I am belittled by my stepfather about my weight, livelihood, and laziness, and it is slowly tearing away at whatever is left of the perception I have of myself. I though getting my associates degree would instill in me an unquenchable flame of passion that would never die, but have instead found it only increasing my paranoia and uneasiness. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m afraid to reach out for help and more afraid of trying and failing. Should I vent my concerns to my family, who hardly even know the real me? Or should I find someone to listen to my woes and help me seek a solution?
    The reason I’m reaching out today, journal, is that everything I’ve held onto to keep me pushing forward has been threatened. The foundation of my already lackluster willpower is beginning to crumble and I’m afraid it cannot be repaired. I don’t believe in myself anymore and it hurts. I’m so ashamed that I can’t justify participation in any of my favored hobbies anymore. Logging into a game or pulling open a book leaves me feeling disgusted, and when I do open one of my several projects, all I do is stare in disbelief. I feel that I’ll never be successful in my current aspirations and can’t seem to manage anything beyond sleeping all day.

Answer 1

Hey Danny, first off I want to compliment you on taking proactive steps in changing your life; by writing in, going to school, asking for help, etc. I can clearly see you are a talent writer, a caring person and someone who will work hard on a path that you feel is right. I'm not sure if you are on the right path but I do know that no one can ever really know. This really sucks, but this is also one of the reasons life can be so rewarding.

Know that your problems are normal and fixable, and you can be the person you want to be. Realise, uncertainty is part of life, and you are allowed to make mistakes, get lost and make some wrong turns. But remember, it's your decisions today that create your tomorrow. The only person who can truly help you is you. Be your hero and stand up and fight for yourself, you are worth it. Don't wait for some else to come and fix all your problems, because they never will. If you are waiting, realise you are waiting for you. Keep fighting for yourself and keep being proactive.

You mentioned wanting to help people and make real changes in people's lives and that's amazing and I so believe you will. I personally couldn't think of a better choice in education to do this than English. Nothing is more powerful than words. You can't force anyone to do anything but you can motivate, inspire and teach them. You can use words to fight for your beliefs, to get followers or convince people to make right decisions. Many writers also become very wealthy giving them the influence and money to help even more people. Like I said I don't know if English is right for you but I do know English could be a great path to accomplish your dreams. I wish I had an English degree.

If you are having trouble in school make sure you get help fast. Tutors can be life savers and possibly a new friend.

Dealing with your Step Father, all I can suggest is writing him a polite letter sharing your feelings. Maybe how you know he is just try to help (true or not) but tuff love isn't working, it's hurting. You will have to give them or him something as well. Give them hope that you can and will get better and then do it. Find some small things you can change and let them grow. Show them you are trying and maybe they will try to find some positive ways to help you.

If you are not exercising, you have to. I will say that again, you have to exercise. It will give you energy, the proper brain chemistry, increases your confidence and attractiveness, but most importantly when you invest time exercising it will motivate you to stop doing the other things that are hurting you.

Danny, I know your hurting, feeling all alone and uncertain and well that to some degree will never change, you are human. But what can change is how you feel about it and what you focus on. Forgive yourself and realise you had reasons for your mistakes (right or wrong).  Stop focusing on your mistakes and start living again, be your Angel.

Answer 2

I need your help I have mental health and I lose my temper a lot today I did and my granddad has heart pebbles he's gone to hospital its was stress bye me plicae help he