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Have lost hope in life and have no available support from close ones. Feel like dying.

+2 votes
112 views
asked Mar 7, 2016 by anonymous  
I'm 28 and have been sufferring from depression since a very young age. I grew up in a family with unreasonable and emotionally abusive parents. My father wanted a way out of his marriage right when my mother was pregnant with me. Ever since I could remember, I was the one to blame for every little thing that went wrong in the house. They relocated me and aborted my studies 11 times before college. The constant relocation made it difficult for me to keep up with my studies and even more so when it comes to social life. I often felt like a burden to others and wished that I was never given birth to.

My father eventually moved out and left my mother and I in a lonely place. Soon after I became her emotional slave and had to take all kinds of nonsense from her each and everyday. The childhood trauma left me with a permanent scar.

I eventually left the house and moved to another country during highschool. At first, I was doing well. Good grades, lots of close friends and a sweet loved one. Sadly it wasn't long until the torment from the past caught up to me. My father returned as a successful businessman and wanted to make things right. Leaving all my happiness behind, I was home again...only to find out that some things just never change. They messed it up once and for all.

After wasting much of my life in a corrupted family, I decided to finish my degree. However the horrific memories from the past never ceased to haunt me. Whether its during a study session in class, a chat with friends at the cafeteria or a moment of silence before bedtime, there hasn't  been a time when I wasn't feeling the urge to hide.
I have had some counseling and taken some meds but none of that seemed to have helped much. I'm at a point where its not the depression that I can't withstand but rather the inconsistencies in my life. Sometimes I don't want my life back on the right track just so I won't have to go through the whole recalibration again.

I have lost most of my hope in life and have been inches away from ending it in the past couple of days. There is not much strength left in me and I don't know how much longer I can last like this.
I don't want to live in the hellfire of the past. I need some advice on how to fix this.
Country: Canada
    

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3 Answers

+1 vote
answered Mar 8, 2016 by anonymous  
Anonymous,

Nothing in your life is wasted.  There are lessons to be learned in our lives.  There are challenges to face.  There is character to be built through these experiences.  Even our sorrows and tears, we learn from or learn to appreciate.  

It seems you still haven't forgiven your parents.  At the cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”  If He can forgive these men after what they have done to Jesus , so can we forgive.  Don't waste your time in anger and resentment.  It won't change the past.  

http://www.intouch.org/watch/letting-go-of-anger/anger-and-forgiveness-video

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xlnbmx_joel-osteen-515-the-power-of-letting-go_shortfilms

https://www.intouch.org/read/forgiving-others

You mentioned that you don't want your life back on  the right track.  Don't you realize that it is so much harder to get your life back on track than to be on the right track?  Sure, it takes work to be on the right track but with anything worthwhile, it takes work.  If you weren't on the right track, it would be so much harder.       

Throughout your trials, you still managed to obtain your degree.  This is something you should be VERY proud of.  YOU did it despite of your unstable environment.  Many people would have not bothered.  So, there is something inside of you that wants to do better and get better.  I know it is inside of you.  You have focus.  You have determination.  Let these character traits that you have become your asset once again.  

Don't let your past dictate your future.

Surrender to what is.
Let go of what was.
Have faith of what will be.
   Sonia Ricotti

The past is behind you, learn from it.
The future is ahead, prepare for it.
The present is here, live it.
      Thomas S. Monson

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4fpKwja0j50
0 votes
Profile Photo answered Mar 8, 2016 by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (191,760 points)   6 7 12
Greetings anonymous... try to click on the URL that will surely heal your mind, body & soul...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqtwZWvXux8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNc6NuoBxzM  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrPAZbD6fG0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LdJddXduWjs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfz9JTyFVxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAC7mHjdzRU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IActLJH8xHs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8RmJlwwa0g

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oljdd9BGrFc

http://www.cbn.com/tv/1418876102001

http://www.cbn.com/tv/1418846102001

---------------------------------------

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Isaiah 41:10 ESV / 376 helpful votes

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1 Peter 2:24 ESV / 277 helpful votes

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Proverbs 4:20-22 ESV / 71 helpful votes

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0 votes
answered Mar 11, 2016 by anonymous  
I have struggled with depression, and I've experienced a lot of improvement. I've been taking antidepressant medication, and also, I've been working the 12 steps of Emotions Anonymous:

 1. We admitted we were powerless over our emotions, that our lives had become unmanageable.

 2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contract with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
www.emotionsanonymous.org

 Sincerely,
 Anonymous

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