How do I love my husband after he hits me?

Question

My husband gets really mad at me. I am a very emotional person, and can be dramatic at times- this triggers his anger. He has hit me, pushed me, held my throat. He has apologized.. But I can't overcome it.

Answer 1

Hi. You should not "overcome" being hit. Nor should you live with or tolerate being pushed, shoved, choked. Not even verbal insults. It's not love, it abuse. It's how to scare someone into doing what the abuser wants.  

You are worthy of safety, security, belonging.

You deserve to be in a kind, and caring relationship.

You deserve to be recognized as a whole person with wants, needs, dreams, desires.

Abusers almost never seek help to change their behavior.

I am concerned for your safety.

What you choose to do is entirely your choice and I support your choice whatever. Only you can know for certain if it is right to stay and endure for the time being or to look at other options.

It won't get better. There will be a honeymoon phase, and then another violent blow out. NONE OF WHICH IS YOUR FAULT. He wants you to believe it is so he can continue to control you through fear and intimidation tactics.

I am concerned for your safety.

It typically takes 7 times/ tries before the victim leaves the abuser. Leaving is also the most dangerous period. Please be careful whatever you do.

I am concerned for your safety.

Just remember, getting out of the mental fog created by the chaos from trying to please a man who will never be pleased is an endless battle of futility. It's literally brainwashing. Getting away from it means you have to reconstruct your own brain.  That's why it's so critical to make all the desisions yourself. Why when a victim calls a domestic violence hotline they give information, and options, never advice or instructions.

Whatever you decide I support you.

Answer 2

No matter how mad your husband gets he has no right to be abusive physically or verbally whether you are the cause or not.  

It is very hard to overcome abuse by yourself.  As long as you take it, he knows he has control over you and you are willing to put up with it.  Remember that when you make the decision, if you decide to, you need to stick with that decision.  No matter how much he apologizes.  Very few men change on their own, they have to be willing to seek help and you also need to seek help for yourself as well.  

Abuse wears down your self esteem and makes you feel powerless.  Break that cycle.  

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

Seek help now.  Don't put it off until tomorrow.  Have a plan before you decide to leave, if that's what you decide to do.  Talk to someone to help you make an educated decision.  

All the best.

Answer 3

Hi,

I've struggled with emotional problems including depression and anxiety, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also, I've been doing the 12 steps of Emotions Anonymous.

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to all of them.

9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org

May peace be with you,
Anonymous

Answer 4

You have no obligation to try to figure out a way to move past or look beyond the fact that your husband has hit you. What he's doing to you is wrong, period. There is a saying that says, "don't raise your voice, improve your argument." Being emotional is a part of being human. It means you have feelings. There's always room to improve yourself, but anyone who knows how a good relationship works knows that difficult situations where there are misunderstandings or miscommunications are resolved by talking-and keeping the other person's well being in mind, while communicating ones point of view.

I came across this at 3 in the morning and I want to help, but my eyes are shutting on me. If you found this at all useful, let me know and I'll continue when I am awake.

You don't deserve to be hit. Robbers and criminals deserve to get socked in the face maybe but that's about it.