Will I ever feel loved again?

Question

Since I was 7 no one has really stuck around. Everyone has manipulated and lied to me to get things out of me and then left. I could give many examples but I'll just stick to one:
I was at my boyfriends house, very drunk and he ****** me without my consent, the next day he apologised said he didn't know what had come over him. It would never happen again etc. next he asks to borrow my card, begs me. Makes up some bull **** story about how he needs it so much for some thing very far away etc and he would give it back to me tomorrow only a few dollars. Next minute thousands of dollars gone on novelty things I cancel my card. And he tells me how he will pay me back and he was buying stuff to help me????? I get angry at him say I only lent him my card for a few dollars he tells me to kill myself and he hits me. Anyway... Stuff goes on kinda like that Long story short... I really trusted the guy. He told me he loved me everyday... I'm with someone new, I can't trust them... It's not like this has happened once. It's happened in different ways since I was young. Lies. Manipulation their greed. It just feels like everyone is out to hurt me and I'm a bundle of tears every single day. Counselling and meds haven't helped so please don't recommend them (3+ years I have tried). I just want to feel loved again and be able to trust like I used to when I was young but the pain doesn't leave and I can't talk to my partner about this and when I do he gets angry at me for being depressing and bring him down saying things like "oh god don't start this again" I just want a hug someone please help me I'm unlovable. All I can do well is cry.

Answer 1

There is a pattern of behavior that you tend to attract certain types of men without you knowing it.  For example,  an abusive person tends to select people that they can manipulate and control.  They see your demeanor and how you interact with people.  You probably don't realize how you act towards men.  The other type of men that have probably approached you, you were probably not interested.  Think about all your past relationships that you've had.  There must be common themes.  And those men who were interested in you but didn't get far into the into the relationship probably bored you or didn't act "manly."  

Counseling works if you start being objective with yourself and noting patterns to your behavior in selecting these type of men.  Your counselor won't know about your behavior unless you mention it.  Therefore, they can only help until a certain extent.  

Sounds like you aren't loved in your current relationship.   Be careful in wanting to "be loved" by people.  You have to learn to love yourself first before you let someone love you.  Once you love yourself, you won't tolerate the abuse and the men in your life will know that and will probably leave you because they have no control over you.  You will be confident enough to be by yourself and not be dependent on a man.   Once you start on working on yourself and being independent, different nice men will appear in your life and you just have to give them a chance.

As Oprah Winfrey said, "When you know better, you do better."

Good luck.

Answer 2

Hi,

I've struggled with depression and codependency, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medication. Also, I've been doing the 12 steps of Emotions Anonymous.

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3: We made a decision to turn our lives and our wills over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to all of them.

9: We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org

May peace be with you,
Anonymous