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I have multiple issues with my father. He is mostly emotionally abusive, but he has been physically abusive a couple of times. He has many medical issues and blames his bad behavior on his medication. He yells and gets very angry or violent over small things. He forces me to hug, hold hands, and sit on his lap after he has yelled at me and upset me. He gets even angrier if I refuse to. He expects me to be better and calm as soon as he is done throwing his tantrums. He won't let me cry and will tell me if I cry he will give me a reason to cry (hurt me). He has said if I run away he will hunt me down. He says very hurtful and disturbing things, but claims they are jokes. He threatens to strangle my dog and abandon my cat or kill her (again claiming he's not serious).He is ****** and says he'll kill my boyfriend if he is black (which he is). He tried to ban me from ever speaking to my boyfriend when I refused to hug him.  He has physically abused my mother by choking her and my sister by slapping her one time. I think he might have raped my mother once I am not sure. He went crazy once. I have tried talking to him he always gets angry and asks how I think he feels, but he doesn't consider our feelings. I want him to take anger management classes. I have tried suggesting ways online on how to end arguments quicker. I have asked him as politely as possible not to yell. Nothing works everything makes him worse. I live with him at home with my family. There are weapons in the house that I feel he has no business owning or needing. He claims to be dying and has claimed it for many years. He says he wants to die sometimes. I have tried talking to my mother about getting him help maybe family therapy, but it never happened. I am in a long distance relationship and he is the only thing holding us back from being together. I don't want to lose my boyfriend over him. We have all tried to ask and talk to him about his racism. He is from the baby boomer generation and claims that African americans are animals who he has seen jump on and vandalizing cars. He acts normal in front of guests and enjoys things they do that he would hate if we did. He provides for our family if he dies we can't live here anymore. If he gets put in jail mom would be devastated. She refuses to believe he is abusive. He is fine most of the time, but sometimes he has fits of rage and they are very bad and cause me a lot of stress not knowing when they will happen. I can't leave I need help.
Country: USA

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5 Answers

0 votes
Wow what a tough situation.  Do you have a local Alanon group?  I went years ago and it helped me out of an abusive relationship.  I did not know I had low self esteem after being the family scapegoat. I was kicked out of my home by my mother my senior year and later she couldn't figure out why I picked men who were abusive (not physically as much as emotionally and financially draining giving zero to my limited income) It is good that you recognize that you fathers statements are not yours to own and you are right that his health is not an excuse nor his medicine.  You are stronger than you think.  He is forcing you to sit on his lap,hold hands etc to avoid his guilt that he is abusive.  He is very sick emotionally & attempting to keep you from running by threatening your animals which is reprehensible.  Your mom is unfortunately not strong enough to get herself much less her children out of a damaging situation.  Most likely he won't hunt you down if you run but I do NOT recommend it.  You will need to find a safe place with lots of support so you do not fall victim to another abusive or draining relationship.  I know this all too well and my family was only mildly abusive.  I am nearly 50 and still learning how to set healthy boundaries and still struggle to find positive self esteem to take care of myself.  Keep all your progress very private from your dad but learn as much as you can about how to take care of yourself.  He is emotionally sick and wants to keep you from getting strong.  Misery loves company and he needs the family unhealthy and dependent so they won't leave.  You need to get healthy selfish and by nature this is a threat to his existence.  If your boyfriend was not AA he would find another way to belittle him.  Try not to engage in any type of dispute.  Lay low and plan your successful entry into the adult world.  As for the cat and dog you can take them with you and even siblings later but FIRST take care of you.  You sound very mature and strong.  Learn to cook, budget and be diligent and you will find work.  Blame it on school projects and get out of the house as much as possible look for lawn care jobs or ask a local business owner if you can rake leaves, take out trash etc.  Hide your money and watch the newspaper research what it takes to live on your own without the boyfriend.  Learn to live independently and the boyfriend aspect of your life will be successful too.  Become dependent on a boyfriend and you may be jumping from the pan to the fire.    Be careful who you share your plan with and be strong.  There are support shelters in most towns for woman and children but I don't see many success stories from them.  I found help in Alanon which was a support group for people with codependency issues which I had from the demeaning family relationship I was raised in which did not prepare me well for life.  Alanon helps people who are in relationships with people that are alcoholic or drug addicted but the premise is about fixing you not the abusive person so the principles may apply to you or find an anonymous support group for teens (they are usually free and sometimes meet right at a school).  You can do this, you are a fighter already.  It may feel hopeless but that is where your research will pay off.  I now own a retail store and had nothing for years.  I do not know your age but I am guessing in your teens.  You have survived with your best attempts to fix those around you but since this is not possible at this time fixing yourself may just wake up the whole family needs to get better.  Don't wait for change in others or you may be disappointed.  But you can take care of you!  Good luck kid!  You've got your foot in the right direction.  Be careful who you talk to do research so you can figure out who to trust.  You don't want to end up in foster care either.  Lots of abuse and neglect there too.  You sound resourceful google it while your dad is out of the house, it sounds like he works to take care of the family so use that time and delete your history.  The only reason I say to hide this is due to his threats and his odd behavior making you hold his hand when he is done exploding.  Again he is sick emotionally and will feel threatened when you get self sufficient and he can no longer take his negative attitude out on victims.  I hope this helps.
0 votes
I had an abusive mother. She abused us emotionally and held us all hostage for years, including my father. He would beg us not to argue with her, or to make her angry. He was an enabler, and never stood up for us. I found  help in Eastern philosophy-Buddhism. You can only make choices for yourself, and live with the consequences. If you are under 18 seek help through school or social services or Red Cross. Don't exchange one bad situation for another by expecting a boyfriend to provide a safe space for you. Do for yourself. Get a job. Go to school. Get your own place. No one can save you but yourself.
0 votes
Hi , Angel blessings be poured out and protect you , your sister , mother , pets and boyfriend (although if he's living long/distance he's safer than you are .

Imagine yourself protected with white, blue & orange light of ArchAngels Michael & Metatron - Metatron is the highest & closest to God/ Divine Light/ Source/ Spirit whilst , during and after contacting in as quickly  and safely you can with Women's Aid - / National Domestic Violence helpline . To get you & your sister, mother , and pets away from him asap.
Don't know how old you are but your fathers  unreasonable , inappropriate physically , sexually and emotionally and behaviour/ in getting you to hug, hold hands , threatening you , your sister , your mum, your boyfriend and pets is deeply disturbing and criminal - he does not have any legal or moral right to mistreat  you . If he's able to act nice around other people , that shows he is manipulating them and you - psychologically damaging and psychopathic behaviour . Get out before he carries out any threat to any of you or your pets .

A domestic abuse/ violence charity / organisation will and has a duty to help you and the other females in your family . They may also have contacts with animal rescue charities to help with placing your pets in a safe environment whilst you seek help .
0 votes
sounds familiar..I'm praying for you honey hang in there you are here as a testimony to life..Trust in yourself you will get out, hang in there...God did not bring you in this life to suffer...Life goes on. ive had years of abuse to write a book...You will be ok
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (307k points)   7 7 12

1. Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from the side of Christ, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; within Thy wounds, hide me; let me never be separated from Thee; from the evil one, deliver me; at the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to Thee, that with Thy saints, I may praise Thee forever and ever. Amen.

2. Prayer Against Malefice from the Greek Ritual

God, our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful and All-mighty, You Who made everything and Who transform everything simply by Your will. You Who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the ‘seven-times hotter’ furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the salvation of those who turn to You.

We beseech You to make powerless, banish, and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against Your servant [name of person/s]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory, and charity.

O Lord, You Who love man, we beg You to reach out Your powerful hands and Your most high and mighty arms and send the angel of peace over us, to protect us, body and soul. May he keep at bay and vanquish every evil power, every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people.

Then, under the protection of Your authority may we sing, in gratitude, ‘The Lord is my salvation; whom should I fear? I will not fear evil because You are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages.”

Yes, Lord our God, be merciful to us, Your image, and save your servant [name of person/s] from every threat or harm from the evil one, and protect him/her by raising him/her above all evil. We ask You this through the intercession of our Most Blessed, glorious Lady, Mary ever Virgin, Mother of God, of the most splendid archangels and all Your saints. Amen!

3. Prayer for Deliverance

My Lord, you are all powerful, you are God, you are Father. We beg you through the intercession and help of the archangels Michael, Raphael and Gabriel, for the deliverance of our brothers and sisters who are enslaved by the evil one. All saints of Heaven, come to our aid.

From anxiety, sadness and obsessions, we beg You. Free us, O Lord. From hatred, fornication, envy, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From thoughts of jealousy, rage, and death, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every thought of suicide and abortion, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every form of sinful sexuality, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

From every division in our family, and every harmful friendship, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every sort of spell, malefic, witchcraft, and every form of the occult, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

Lord, You Who said, “I leave you peace, My peace I give you,” grant that, through the intercession of the Virgin Mary, we may be liberated from every evil spell and enjoy your peace always. In the name of Christ, our Lord. Amen.

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