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I'll try to keep this as concise as possible.
My father left soon after I was born, and mum got a new boyfriend after a year or so.
I didn't see my biological father growing up much, and haven't for around 10 years now. Mum's boyfriend is still in the picture and they now have a child together.

Home life has been traumatic for as long as I can remember. My earliest memories involve crying, hiding, and violence between my alcoholic parents.
My family is finally falling apart: both parents alcoholism and violence getting worse; mum plans on leaving her boyfriend and is very likely having an affair as we speak. Due to their behaviour I have become a parent to my younger half-brother (who turned 8 a few days ago). This is not awful because I am 20; however...

I can deal with all this. What I can't deal with are my new... symptoms (?).
I have began watching films I adored in childhood, or ones I never got around to watching as a child. I use my hard earned "adult" money to buy giant soft toys (5ft+ teddy bears), and faux Sherpa blankets intended for babies, etc. I've also begun playing video games I haven't even thought of in years: I recently tracked down a copy of Harvest Moon DS in a secondhand game store: bizarre. (And... I like it ??). I find that I want to be included in child things (for example, I specifically wanted a side piece of birthday cake from my half brother's cake, because side pieces have more icing... of course I didn't act on this, but I haven't had thoughts like this in years. I don't even LIKE cake; at least, I didn't ?). I want... to be treated like a child ? To feel comforted and cared for ? But I'm an adult, it's so strange I can't figure it out !

There's too much odd behaviour to list, but essentially the worse family life gets, and the more responsibility I have, the more I seem to be becoming a child.

I was never a soft/clingy/whingy child... so why am I going through all this now ? What impact will this have on my life in the long run ? Is this a common response to stress and depression/anxiety ? Could it be an underlying mental disorder developing further ?

I don't care what's going on or why, I just want to fix it so I can get back to being an independent overachiever. Whatever this regression thing is, it's starting to really negatively impact my life.

I'm sorry for this being so long-winded... thank you for reading.
Please help. Any input is greatly appreciated.
Country: U.K., England
    

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2 Answers

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Hi,

I've struggled with anxiety and depression, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous.


1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org

My story can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EysSD4rGew

May peace be with you,
Anonymous
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Profile Photo by Swan (200 points)   1 2
I think your just being anxious for all the childhood stuffs you didn't do and now you just want to experience those things and I think its okay for you to try those maybe you'll overcome your needs for those necessities, I believe that everyone has the right to experienced a happy childhood and you're just filling out the things you want to have and its not yet too late to do it or to feel it. PM if you need someone to talk to or vent out :)

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