Two years ago, I was back in college and doing really well - even a member of an international honor society at 30 years old. I have 2 amazing little boys that I was trying to set a good example for. My life wasn't perfect, they have a father who uses drugs and alcohol to self medicate and his addictions were getting stronger; he got mentally abusive and it started to happen in public as well as at home. He wasn't paying the bills, we were constantly at risk for loosing our home and transportation except when I got student aid disbursements to catch everything up. I thought I was going to graduate with my associate's degrees and be able to get a good job, a home for me and my sons, and be able to get a divorce.
Just a few months before graduation, and the idea of continuing my degree further in mind, my mother passed away. I tried to keep going, and I succeeded in completing my AAS, but I dropped out of college a few months later when my aunt passed away. It was just too much. I finally realized there would be no good tiem for divorce and separated from my husband that February.
Now I'm working a low paying job, the best I can get in my area, living with my father who is constantly depressed after my mother's passing, and trying to find a home. Ican't afford a home for my children, struggling to make ends meet as it is... but we need our own place, two adults going through depression and anxiety is not a good living situation for us or my children. I can't afford a lawyer to finalize my divorce and work out custody agreements, so I'm always worried about how they are taken care of when with him. No one in my family has been through divorce and seems to look down on me for it. I have no where to turn for advice and I just want some help getting out of this whole I'm in. I have met a wonderful man and started dating, but I don't want to let him help me because I've been through so much in my past, I just want to know I can do it on my own if he turns out like everyone else. I need to know that I can be enough for my children... and I just need advice because I'm feeling so hopeless and so depressed. The thought of suicide crosses my mind ddaily, but its not an option because I know how it feels to lose a parent and don't want to put that on my young children, but especially not by my own choice. I just need help. I need advice. I don't know where else to turn.