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+1 vote
2k views
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
To the outsider, I am an empty vessel, devoid of all emotion, vacant eyes that reflect nothing of the inner turmoil! The only part of me that offers any indication that I'm actually alive is the vile, harsh tongue that once 'oiled', lashes out in a carefully planned attack! It listens to everything internally, remembers well, then spits out all the hatred it has absorbed! It aims low, knows how to cripple you with its relentless venom! It's a self perseverence mechanism, I will chase you away before you tell me to leave!    

And then you leave .......?

Am I happier? Do I feel any less tortured inside? No, just a perpetual cycle of self inflicted pain! I google alcoholism, find a free site to help, go through all the rigmarol, then it says, get lost ur depressed lol! Find another, can't afford £50.00 per hour to talk to some derranged freak!
I contemplate suicide (not even in a light way, google it for online help, cos don't really want to do it!) I read inspirational stories of people who were going to and didn't etc etc, then go to find how many pills are here (NOT enough!)

And you, in your not giving a **** way, go home, watch tv, without a care in the world and change ur profile pic on face book to try and make me respond, how ultra childish, suppose ur status has changed to single? PMSL!

I dont mean to hurt people, but they say you have to love yourself, before you can love anybody else, so the chances of that are fat and slim, and slim's just left town?

I reach out to you, drowning in despair and you throw me a brick to weigh me down further? All I  NEED is to feel loved! Never had that feeling, ever, getting to the point where I might just give up trying! :(
Country: uk
    

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6 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo by Standiford (170 points)   1
I have to say this...Your life matters..It matters to me to respond...it matters that you've been giving amazing gift and I'm noy just talking about life. Your words, the way you wrote is amazing. You've got anger you've got pain, use them to better yourself and the world around you...so does it matter yes...I don't know you, but YOU MATTER TO ME...TRUE STORY
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
Thank you very much, this truly is a site from heaven, found it whilst contemplating suicide! Hope life isn't being too harsh on you either? What a journey!???? xx
0 votes
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
Dear fairynuff39. How you are with words has to be a gift ? do you write ?
Are you saying no one understands or wants to ? I think you are crying out to be understood and listened to what you are really saying.
I would like to know you more and I would like to listen to what you say.
Is your problem coming from Alcohol or is the Alcohol to help deal with the problem ?
 
Talk more with me please and share your thoughts, I throw you a rope, now grab it. Angel Faith
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
How long is a piece of rope, which came first, dont know?All I know is found enough to  do the deed and all settling in a glass for later! What a lovely site, lovely people! :( xx
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
As long as you want it to be..............Why, is my question.
You are interesting to me.
Your words are truly deep with so much to say.
 Now you have found this site, do you know why ? it is for a reason. Just when you think there is no purpose along comes one. I offer you my hand to hold, my shoulder to rest your head. an ear to listen to your words.
If you would like to talk with me here or on private message I want you to know I am here for you.
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
Am doin the love you statements to my daughter, think it's pretty  much time I need some help, dont know how to pm you?
It's the most inspirational site I have eva come across and actually inspired me to help othe lost sould, so empty the glass, not sure yet?
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
Hi, we all need help, don't you think. I am so glad you have found this site to be inspirational.  When we have things going on around us it can cloud our vision to seeing other things. It can take just one word sometimes to change everything. So no don't empty the glass, unless it is to replace the bitter contents  with a sweeter one. I have sent you a friendship request and a PM. Also I am happy you are helping others you are beginning to find the purpose of why you found this site..............angel faith
+1 vote
Profile Photo by Angel (310 points)   1
I can tell you that it would matter to me, you are amazing you are LIFE! Isn't that amazing? Have you ever felt anything other than be alive? No! Because you are immortal, you are forever in God's loving hands his kingdom you ARE love. You can find yourself as you get lost in the serving of others. That moment when you look at a waterfall, play with your dog, receive a hug when all your thoughts and worries wash away THAT is love and that is what is waiting for us in heaven. We get little glimpses of it each day and as we continue to reach toward this and seek the almighty God/Love then nothing can stop us.
+1 vote
Profile Photo by Polchies ANGEL3000+ (3.8k points)   1 3 4
For people to say for you to love another you must first love yourself is half true, however, it is very difficult to love yourself if you believe that you have never truly been loved by another. It really is a catch 22 theory. I don't believe that your problem is a self image one, because you haven't really indicated in your post any self hatred or lack of self worth, you seem intensley angry at certain people or situations. I am lead to believe by your rather vague post that you have lost someone, possibly a break up to facebook or that you gave your heart to someone and gave them everything you thought you had and they left you anyways. If this is a wrong assumption I apologize, I am just making an observation based on the information in your post. You seem to be suffering from fear of abandonment and this worries me because fear of abandonment can and almost always does lead to other issues, such as fear to commit, social anxiety issues, etc. These issues can and will almost certainly affect any relationship you choose to have in the present and/or future because you will always have this fear that people are going to leave you in your mind and therefore you will never truly allow someone all the way in and it is hard to keep someone around when you're keeping them on a limb (excuse the expression). I don't believe you need someone to tell you what to do, I do however believe that you need someone who is going to listen to your whole story and not interupt or critisize you. You seem to have pent up anger, anxiety and hurt issues and before you can hope to move on and get back to a point where you are happy in your life you must first deal with these issues. I can tell by your post that you are willing to reach out for help, but, you must also be willing to accept it. You and only you holds the power to making your life a good and positive one. I am here and ready to help you and do everything I can to aide you in getting past these disabling issues and help you get on the road to self happiness if you are willing to take the help and also take the responsibility that you and only you can change your life when you are ready. If you truly want to be happy in your own life then I am more then willing to help you do this, you need to make the decision to take that first step forwards.
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
Nail on the head, please find me a way for me to talk to you privately? I am the angriest person alive and for all that I have never given up alcohol for more than 3 wks in a row in 30 yrs, I did last wk, to have it all thrown back in my face and I really don't need any of it anymore, but the anger isn't even me, it's situations, sounds daft but i'm the most caring, sensitive person you could ever meet, please take the time to listen, you may understand? xx
by  
You can email me at steph082008@live.com. I help alot of people through tough times. I believe I can also help you if you would like to email me at the email address I have provided, this is the address I give to anyone who would like my help and I am sure you and I can talk and find a way for you to work through this situation.
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
I can but try, never sent an email in my life lol! starting to think there's just no point, just a never ending trauma!I wont kill myself , cant can i, but  its not for the want of not wanting to, kids aint I???????
Profile Photo by Polchies ANGEL3000+ (3.8k points)   1 3 4
There is always a point to everyones life, it is just up to you to find your path that was meant for you. So many times people feel like they have no purpose in life. They see others who are successful and happy and they wonder why those people are like that when they themselves only seem to be floating through life, not making much of an impact on anything or anyone. This feeling can be disabling and crippling if you don't reach out for help. The main thing you have to remember is that your life has a purpose, there is a reason why you are here and why God put you here, you only need to take that first step towards discovering what that reason is and once you have found it, there will be no stopping you. When you are so low that you don't know why you even bother that just means that you know you were destined to do something great because if you weren't you wouldn't feel this low. It is your destiny calling, waiting to be fullfilled. Is there an email address that you use? I can try sending you an email first if that would be easier for you.
Profile Photo by Puggmur (230 points)   1 1 3
If you don't mind please, so much for privacy, my fault for being stupid lol, don't care anymore I need someone to talk to! apuggmur@*******.com   thanks for trying! xx
Profile Photo by angel ANGEL7000+ (7.9k points)   3 5 15
You don't need to provide your e-mail address.
Others can click your name to reach your profile page, where they (a member) can see a link to send you a private message.
Profile Photo by Polchies ANGEL3000+ (3.8k points)   1 3 4
Oh ok that would be better then. The email address provided is gaurded and secure but if it would make it easier for the person just to click to chat privately directly from this site then that would be better. Thank you for the information.
0 votes
by  
Yes it would matter cause all matters, and for every action there is a reaction.. i couldn't imagine what be the effects from you dieing but that sound like a big action with big reaction behind it.. so know that yes you do matter..would it bring more good, or more bad.. if your makeing the world a better place then stay, if not change, if u cant change go away!!
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (279k points)   7 7 12
Verses in the Holy Bible against suicide:


1 Corinthians 3:16-17 ESV / 626 helpful votes

Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him. For God's temple is holy, and you are that temple.

Ecclesiastes 7:17 ESV / 530 helpful votes

Be not overly wicked, neither be a fool. Why should you die before your time?

Psalm 34:17-20 ESV / 297 helpful votes

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV / 250 helpful votes

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Jeremiah 29:11 ESV / 173 helpful votes

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

1 Corinthians 6:20 ESV / 116 helpful votes

For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV / 75 helpful votes

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.


Psalm 13:2-4 ESV / 72 helpful votes

How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

Hebrews 11:1-40 ESV / 3 helpful votes

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible. By faith Abel offered to God a more acceptable sacrifice than Cain, through which he was commended as righteous, God commending him by accepting his gifts. And through his faith, though he died, he still speaks. By faith Enoch was taken up so that he should not see death, and he was not found, because God had taken him. Now before he was taken he was commended as having pleased God.

Philippians 1:18-26 ESV / 3 helpful votes

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell.

Psalm 139:13 ESV / 2 helpful votes

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

Numbers 11:10-15 ESV / 2 helpful votes

Moses heard the people weeping throughout their clans, everyone at the door of his tent. And the anger of the Lord blazed hotly, and Moses was displeased. Moses said to the Lord, “Why have you dealt ill with your servant? And why have I not found favor in your sight, that you lay the burden of all this people on me? Did I conceive all this people? Did I give them birth, that you should say to me, ‘Carry them in your *****, as a nurse carries a nursing child,’ to the land that you swore to give their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all this people? For they weep before me and say, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ I am not able to carry all this people alone; the burden is too heavy for me.

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IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL 911 ( 999, 112, 111, or ... ) OR GO TO YOUR NEAREST EMERGENCY ROOM.

If you or someone you know is in an emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please also call:
The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Domestic Violence (US) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline (US) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Victims of Crime Connect (US) at 1-855-4VICTIM (855-484-2846)
Boys Town (US) at 1-800-448-3000
Dial 211 (US) at 211
The Trevor Project (US) at 1-866-488-7386
GLBT National Hotline (US) at 1-888-843-4564
TRANS Lifeline (US) at 1-877-565-8860
Crisis Text Line (US) Text START to 741741
Samaritans (UK) at 08457 90 90 90
Mind Infoline (UK) at 0300 123 3393
Rethink Mental Illness (UK) at 0300 5000 927
Breathing Space (Scotland) at 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans (Ireland/ROI) at 1850 60 90 90
1life (Ireland/ROI) at 1800 24 7 100
The Lifeline (New Zealand) at 0800 543 354
The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
Visit Befrienders for other countries.

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