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I feel like I'm going crazy. I've been really sad lately. I'm currently 19 years old and in college. A couple of months ago, I was a raging alcoholic because of depression. Besides being the quintessential typical college alcoholic, I was really drinking a bit much more. I don't enjoy beer so I drink lots of liquor, and there was not a day I wasn't drunk for what seemed like a couple of months. I'm also a hard smoker, and would usually smoke a pack or two a day (except for weekends). Up until one moment when I just broke down and finally decided to kill myself. I didn't really know what was going on- but what I do know is how I'm going to end my life. It was just really difficult for me to do. What I knew is that I was happy; happy that I the day finally came when Id kill myself. But then there's hope and consequences I thought about. In a few days after that day, was my little brothers birthday then comes by mother's birthday next. I tried calling multiple people. Saying my farewells, looking for hard drugs, looking for people who hate me so they could tell me how much they hated me, etc. I needed that one big push that would just snap my brain so I could finally commit suicide. I was in a dilemma. Luckily, I had a friend with me to whom I was ranting to and stuff; my friend who gave me 12 pills of valiums along with the rum I was drinking, which made me really unconscious and blacked me out to the point that a friend had to take me home. It was a good thing because if that had not happened, I really would have killed myself. When I woke up, I had a strong conversation with my parents and told them I was not happy at all and all I really want is to leave the family. We resulted to compromise and the heavy weight from my shoulders have been lifted off.
Ever since then, I became a bit better, but depression would often kick me from time to time. I'm having troubles with friends. I'm the type of person who would do anything for friends. But often, and as usual, I'm always underappreciated and being left out. Sure, there are some who appreciates me and all, but I always feel like it's not enough and I don't matter that much to people. It really hurts me especially to those who I invested so much time, energy, and feelings with- and ended up being backstabbed and underappreciated. Same with my family. My parents were really looking up at me since I am a very goal-oriented person, but I've made huge mistakes. I stole from them, got caught smoking cigarettes, drinking too much, smoking weed, and 1 other thing that really disappointed them I'm not gonna mention here (ps, not about drugs).  Ever since then I felt like they looked at me differently. They would also constantly think and say how very disrespectful and ungrateful I am, which I totally disagree with. Every fight I would have with my parents, I always say that I did not mean to disrespect anyone at all and that we should handle this constructively. But the conversation always ends up with me looking like a total idiot, *****, and they would say that I probably have something wrong with me (my mind) and I need to see a doctor. I remember one time my mother told me how much she hated me (she probably didnt mean it, but I know so it was at least half meant). I have a very different outlook on life as compared to my family therefore how we are always having conflicts. But I am really not happy anymore. I'm really trying real hard to let the day pass, and just do me. Prepare myself for the future and finally leave when I'm financially stable. But it's really difficult because I know I would need my father and his connections to make it somewhere. The future is scaring me. Im really doing everything, being productive every day and all, just to make my plan work. But each and every day that passes is being really difficult for me. Its difficult knowing how much of a burden Im giving to my entire family, to my friends, and to everyone. I tried the best I could, but it is never enough- never enough for my friends whom i treated like family, and never enough for my family. I feel like the world would be a much better place without me, and  feel like its a fact. One less problem to deal with. Im not good at expressing myself, so I feel like this message portrays insufficient information about what I really feel. I really dont know. I was always suicidal. I used to cut my wrists back in elementary and even tried to get myself hit by a car along the pedestrian (stupid kid me lol). Now, Id constantly have suicidal thoughts. Either I would **** myself in the heart, overdose on drugs, or jump off our building- Id imagine myself being in those situations constantly. I am catholic and self proclaimed atheist so i dont believe in heaven, hell, afterlife, and the such. I believe that as soon as we die, we simply just dont exist and our minds shut down. I feel like that would make me happy (I mean, I wouldnt know- ironic), but you know what I mean. I finally wouldn't be having bad thoughts (I wouldnt be having thoughts at all) which would be great. I never went to the doctor so I dont know whatever medical mental issue I have. I couldnt really ask my parents to bring me to one. But I feel like I do have depression. But I want to know more. The only way I cope up with my sadness/depression now is by keeping myself busy and watching vlogs which make me see how wonderful the world could be. But thats really just forcing myself to be happy, I feel like its fake. My parents and I just fought and they said that I'm just very emotional and over reacting. I'm really confused now. I want to know what specific mental issue do I have? or am I just being petty? I seriously feel like I wrote this terribly and did not express myself well enough, bu there you go. Hopefully I could find help here.
    

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4 Answers

+1 vote
by  
Ask yourself what reasons make you depressive?

1- You have hard time to figure out a futur
If yes you need some self-Knowledge and after find a project who match with you energy. There is some website for that. I would start with numérologie. How to calcul it, add all the numbers of your birthdate, for exemple :
26 december 1980 you do (2+6+1+2+1+9+8+0 = 29 ) after this you add the 2 numbers of the answer (2+9=11) and your numerology is 29/11. Go read your numbers on this site
https://www.numerology.com/numerology-numbers/8
Take what is vibrate with your heart and leave what it seem wrong to you.
After you can go read your GéoNumerology http://symbolinks.com/le-symbole.html
Find out how your angels guides can help you https://www.ucm.ca/en/info/birth-angels
Now by knowing your energy, find a project who match with, something you want to learn

2- You feel like no choice to do something you don't like. Most of the time we feel this way for money, this is because your job do not allow your numerologic numbers to come out.

3- You are too many time in conflict with other's opinions. If it's this watch this vidéo from 2:52 to 5:12. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2baCg8SHGM
This one is the easiest to get back on the track. We don't want people to do what we don't like so don't do it to others. If you like having right agains other opinions, just give it to others we all love people who's less intelligent because it make you feel bright. Everybody have a différent path depending of childwood, parents, moving and it gives différents points of view, What would happen if everybody start to think like the same all time, there's no more évolution. Imagine a big room with 3 points and we are all caméra, some will see perfect triangle, other will see 3 meters of distance between 2 points, 1 meters from another one. Some will be like what the **** there's only 2 points but the 3rd one is hidden by another points. So everybody have right from his points of view and if you want to have the whole picture stay open and try to understand what other have been through to be so différent. Repeat in other words his opinion, he will see that you understand him and finish by i understand what you mean but from your points of view and you give your opinion. And if you want to have better relationship accept what people propose you if they do it's because they like you. At the extrem oposite what do you do when someone always say no? You just stop to ask him.

Hope this will help you to enjoy life kids, i wish you the best day of your life :) see ya
+1 vote
by  
Hi,

I've struggled with depression, including suicidal thoughts, and also anxiety (social anxiety and general anxiety), and there's been a LOT of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution.


1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org
 
My story can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EysSD4rGew
 
Thanks for reading this.
 
May peace be with you,
Anonymous
+1 vote
Profile Photo by Nash ANGEL3000+ (3.3k points)   2 6
I have mental illness and have been taking medication for over 10 years. It helps me a lot. Sometimes I meet people who I think also have mental illness but they have not spoken with a doctor and they are self medicating with alcohol and drugs. One friend that was self medicating, which was not helping, finally went to a doctor and got medicine and did much better. Seeing a doctor and taking medicine without any drugs or alcohol sounds like it will help you since you have been feeling this way since childhood.
0 votes
Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (309k points)   7 7 12
THESE ARE THE 3 POWERFUL PRAYERS EXORCIST USE TO DRIVE OUT EVIL - You Can Use It Too - CatholicShare

https://www.catholicshare.com/these-are-the-3-powerful-prayers-exorcists-use-to-drive-out-evil-you-can-use-it-too/#axzz5aJS8bqNa

1. Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from the side of Christ, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; within Thy wounds, hide me; let me never be separated from Thee; from the evil one, deliver me; at the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to Thee, that with Thy saints, I may praise Thee forever and ever. Amen.

2. Prayer Against Malefice from the Greek Ritual

God, our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful and All-mighty, You Who made everything and Who transform everything simply by Your will. You Who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the ‘seven-times hotter’ furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the salvation of those who turn to You.

We beseech You to make powerless, banish, and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against Your servant [name of person/s]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory, and charity.

O Lord, You Who love man, we beg You to reach out Your powerful hands and Your most high and mighty arms and send the angel of peace over us, to protect us, body and soul. May he keep at bay and vanquish every evil power, every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people.

Then, under the protection of Your authority may we sing, in gratitude, ‘The Lord is my salvation; whom should I fear? I will not fear evil because You are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages.”

Yes, Lord our God, be merciful to us, Your image, and save your servant [name of person/s] from every threat or harm from the evil one, and protect him/her by raising him/her above all evil. We ask You this through the intercession of our Most Blessed, glorious Lady, Mary ever Virgin, Mother of God, of the most splendid archangels and all Your saints. Amen!

3. Prayer for Deliverance

My Lord, you are all powerful, you are God, you are Father. We beg you through the intercession and help of the archangels Michael, Raphael and Gabriel, for the deliverance of our brothers and sisters who are enslaved by the evil one. All saints of Heaven, come to our aid.

From anxiety, sadness and obsessions, we beg You. Free us, O Lord. From hatred, fornication, envy, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From thoughts of jealousy, rage, and death, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every thought of suicide and abortion, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every form of sinful sexuality, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

From every division in our family, and every harmful friendship, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every sort of spell, malefic, witchcraft, and every form of the occult, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

Lord, You Who said, “I leave you peace, My peace I give you,” grant that, through the intercession of the Virgin Mary, we may be liberated from every evil spell and enjoy your peace always. In the name of Christ, our Lord. Amen.

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