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+1 vote
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Profile Photo by asalways (130 points)   1 1
I doubt anyone will actually read this...I am used to my voice not being heard but I just have this last little piece of hope that someone will hear.

I am female and 35.
I live with my parents.
I can't afford to move out. I have a little shop but it is not making any money yet.
I am alone.

I don't have friends, boyfriend, children. I won't allow myself to love or be loved anymore....I learnt my lesson a long time ago in that respect. I am not worthy of love and indeed I am not capable of loving.

I guess i just wanted to say goodbye to someone.

Sorry I couldn't be more. I'm sorry i wasn't of value to anyone. I'm sorry I'm not strong enough to stay here anymore.

Sorry this wasn't really a question....I came across this site by chance and it just felt right to post.
Please delete if it breaks a rule. It's ok, I don't mind.
Country: UK
    

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5 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo by Nash ANGEL3000+ (3.3k points)   2 6
asalways, I can see why you are having a hard time because it seems like there are 3 issues going on with you honey. First, living with your parents at your age can be disheartening, but you are not alone. In this economy, many people are having to live with their parents. You do have your shop, hopefully it will grow even though it can take a while for businesses to grow enough to make decent money. It is good that your parents do not mind you living there. Second, you don't have children, friends, or a boyfriend. You are saying that you don't deserve it. Me personally, I have an emotional disorder that I found out about in my 20s that does not allow me to emotionally bond well. I would get in a relationship and just find a reason to break up almost right away, I also have no friends. I use the internet through Google+ to join communities, this Angel site, and friends in computer games to keep in touch with people plus I make sure to once a month text or call family. Third, how you feel about your own value may be another sign that you may need to speak to a doctor such as a psychologist or psychiatrist because you may be depressed and/or have an emotional condition. Many people with mental illness never get help and end up feeling depressed, worthless, and powerless when they just can get help. Mental illness is a real thing like physical illness and treatment is important. I hope the best for you and I am praying for you already.
+1 vote
Profile Photo by Luo (170 points)  
Hi, I want to say that we hear you, your voice is never unheard, only because people in  the past have maybe dismissed your opinion and voice, doesn't mean that your thoughts aren't important- sometimes we just don't have the best people surrounding us who listen and care for us.
35? You are young, you still have life, and so so much ahead of it ahead of  you and like the previous answer said, loads of people live with their parents in this terrible economy. There's nothing to be ashamed about <3
People around you may live a different life to you- having children etc and this may pressure you into thinking you should have these things. But you should only have these aspects to your life if YOU want them, not what you feel you should do. And if you do want these things then you deserve to have them, we all deserve to have our dreams no matter how small or big. You are never worthless, your financial status or how you are,compared to others does NOT determine your worth. You are definitely capable of giving love, but first you have to give it to yourself. Believing that you don't deserve anything is untrue and it's harmful to yourself, you wouldn't think of others or your child self this way. You deserve love, freedom, happiness and the first step of getting there is believing your capable of actually having this things. You would wish these things upon the people you are close to, so do it for yourself.
I guess you are almost apologizing to yourself and your surroundings because you believe you are a waste and that you are undeserving but you haven't failed in life and you will never fail. Only because we aren't strong enough now, doesn't mean that we can't ever be. Only because we aren't where we want to be, doesn't mean we can't ever  be.
You have dreams (we all do), but look inside those before you give up. Look inside what you truly want from those dreams and whether these aspirations are yours, or just fragments of your families' or society's expectations. For example if you say you want a  successful shop, the inner theme is that you want freedom, you want less constraint (with finance), and hold these dreams in your heart, because you will get them in unexpected ways if it's truly what you want. If you want children, what do you want from that? Happiness, love? comfort? Attention? because other physical circumstances may fulfill these dreams without even having children. We focus too much on the happening and not what we actually feel and receive from life.
I hope you are still holding on to your dreams, and I hope you will be OK, no one expects you to be strong all the time and it's OK if you feel weak or powerless all the time. Sometimes circumstances aren't the best, but it doesn't mean they can't change.
Forums are always here for you, we hear you girl x
0 votes
by  
Hi
I have only just found this site after searching 'suicide' on the internet.
I have a  boyfriend/ex boyfriend and 3 children. 2 of my 3 kids don't want to know me. My nd has played my I securities and I'm left with nothing but thoughts of 'not wanting to be here anymore'
Your not alone in feeling lonely. Stay safe x
0 votes
by  
you're doing better then me believe it or not I also live at home for the last 2 years I've worked in a job where i never knew what i was working until 2 days before the start of a new week. I also live at home but my mum is crazy she's repeatedly called me the anti christ I have no friends and I feel invisible when i go out in public. So much so that the other day i walked up to some automatic door and they wouldnt open so i tried another set and those too didnt open so i waited until somelse walked up to them........  I know exactly how you feel
0 votes
by  
Hi,

I've struggled with anxiety and depression, including suicidal thoughts, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution.


1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.

2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

 
Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org

My story can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EysSD4rGew

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,
Anonymous

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