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i am a 15 year old boy and i cant handle life anymore, no matter what i do its not enough! i am bullied frequently eveyone thinks im a dork my girlfriend is the only reason im living! there are rumors going around school about me and her doing stuff and all the rumors are true but i dont want my sex life brodcast 24/7 through my school! my dads never been in my life. and my moms bipolar so i never know what im coming home too!!! i just to be loved for once in my life!!! plz help me! ur my only hope...
Country: united states of america
    

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3 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo by Merritt (170 points)   1
Dear Buddy,

I am very sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now.  I remember when i was 15 and i felt similar to the way you do now.  My mother who raised me and my sister by herself is also bipolar and struggles with her sanity on a daily basis.  It is very tough to be around sometimes but I try to imagine how hard it must be for her as well.  I don't know what your relationship is like with your mother but I am sure that she loves you even though it may not always be that obvious.  I don't want you to feel like you are all alone in the world, because you aren't.  I don't know what your religious beliefs are but if you want someone to accept you and love you for who you are go check out a local church service and try and mingle a little afterwards with the other church-goers.  I garuntee that you will feel welcomed and probably shocked at how much people you don't even know care about you.  I give you this advice because I did it and the results were amazing!  I have an entire church family seperate from my real family and I can honestly say that I love them and they love me unconditionally.  I owe it all to the grace of God and the healing power of His love.  I have never met you but I can honestly say that I love you as a fellow brother in humanity.  Take care of yourself buddy, I hope this was helpful.  God Bless you!!!!
+1 vote
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
Hi

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is truly horrible not knowing what sets off your mother, and I am sure a lot of the anger is directed towards you. Remember, it is her illness and she does not mean it. I know that does not really seem to help you because you still have to deal with her outbursts. Is she taking her meds? Is there any way you can go to counseling? I know there are many books to help you

As for the rumors in school, ignore them. People talk becaue they are haters - they are jealous of you. They may think you are a dork, but who are they in your life? Their opinion of you should not matter or phase you at all. It does not define you nor should you let it. Sure, it can be a nuisance but let it go. You have your girlfriend and you don't need to care what they think. It is high school and it will soon be over. Let them talk and once they see it does not bother you, they will stop. Be strong and confident. Perhaps, you can ask your mom if she would transfer you to another school if it bothers you that much.

As for your dad, his not being in your life is not a poor reflection on you. It reflects poorly on him, and to be honest his loss. And really, things may be much worse if he had been in your life. Instead of worrying about one parent, you would have had to worry about 2 and I am sure given your mother's condition you would have lived through many arguments. You are stronger than think. I do believe you have every right to know why he left and know who he is. But remember, you do not need him to survive or be happy.

You are loved. Your girlfriend loves you. Your mom in her own way loves you. If you are interested, there are books on how to better handle/live with people who are bipolar. Unfortunately, you have had to grow up faster than you should have. I am sorry. This also why you are having a problem with other high school students. Because the great majority of them have not had to struggle like you have, they are immature and feel entitled. You simply cannot relate to them. But, you are just going to have to learn how to handle them (use your hard earned wisdom). And you are going to have to learn how to deal with your mom and handle her very smartly. You sound quite intelligent, and I am sure there is nothing you can't handlle.

Believe me I completely understand your predicament, and how you simply do not know what to do. Take a deep breath, and just let it out. Come here and vent. Write out your feelings, and find a hobby/activity that will make you feel better and relaxes you. I care and the people on this site care about you. I am here if you want to talk. Join the site if you want to talk privately. It will get better. Good luck and BIG HUG ;)
+1 vote
Profile Photo by Polchies ANGEL3000+ (3.8k points)   1 3 4
First of all, you say that you just want to be loved for once in your life, but, you also say that your girlfriend is your only reason for living which sounds to me that you already have love in your life and also that you have already found your reason for not ending things. This is a good thing because it means that you haven't gotten to a place where you feel like you have nothing, unfortunatly, this also comes with a flip side because you are putting all of your hopes and dreams and in truth your entire life into this relationship, allowing your relationship with this girl, another person to be your sole reason for living. Although it is wonderful that you have found someone that makes you feel like your life is worth living, you cannot base your life solely on this girl or this one relationship because then you are not allowing for anything else to happen in your life. You should never allow yourself to become solely dependant on one person, this is putting too much responsibility on the other person and the relationship between the two of you. You need to find something that makes you happy outside of the relationship, this way you know that even without this person you are your own person, that you are you and she is who she is and together you are better and apart you are still yourselves.

Also, I am going to say that alot of your issues stem from the issue of an absent father. Despite what many people like to think in todays' society of broken homes and divorce, a child always longs for a fathers attention and support. Children need a father figure in their lives. Children, despite their age look at each of their parents for certain things. To a child a father is supposed to be the hero, the one who hands out the discipline and the rule maker. A mother is supposed to be the soft place to land, the one who supports and loves her child through anything he/she may be going through. A mother to a child is supposed to be the one person that a child can count on no matter what. And when parents fail to fullfill these images that children have of them then the child sometimes becomes lost, wondering why they have parents like they do, often blaming themselves for an absent parent or a parent who couldn't seem to care less. I will tell you that I myself have a bi polar mother and I know personally how hard it is to deal with this. Bi polar disorder is difficult to deal with regardless of who has it, but, when it is a parent, especially a mother then it becomes even more upsetting and difficult because the mother that you as the child had set aside in your mind as the loving, caring, always supportive, always loving woman is most often not who she is in reality. I am older now and a mother myself and still I have difficulties dealing with my mothers' bi polar, sometimes not answering the phone when she calls because you are never really sure what you are going to get when you pick up, she can be the most loving caring woman in the world one second and then the next she is so hurtful and mean that she can cut you down to make you feel like the worst person in the world and her attitude and temper can change in a flash so again you are never really sure what or who you are getting when you answer the phone or walk through the door. As for the absent father, I too have dealt with this. I grew up with a father who only bothered with me when it was convienent for him and even then he let me do whatever I wanted to just so that he didn't have to be bothered with me and so that I wasn't around too often. This was great as a teen because what teenager doesn't love having freedom and a parent who lets them do whatever they want and they never get in trouble or have to answer for anything they do? But, as I grew older and became a parent myself and started looking back I began to realize that what I thought was my father being the "cool parent" was infact just him not wanting to bother to be a parent. I understand your situation here because I have been through this myself growing up and yes, it is an extremely hard thing for a child to deal with, however, I am living proof that these things do not have to hold you down or dictate how or what you turn out to be. I am a high school teacher, I also help kids who have been abandoned or abused by thier parents. I volunteer for support groups to help people with life altering problems. I have 3 beautiful children who love me more then anything and I am a happy, functioning memeber of society. I have great friends who would do anything for me and I for them. I was like you when I was your age too, I thought that somehow I was responsible for my parents' behaviors and that maybe if I acted different they would be better parents, but, I grew up to realize and understand that I was their child, they were supposed to protect me, not the other way around. I know now that I was in no way shape or form responsible for the way that they chose to parent me or for their actions. I also know now that it is possible to rise above the drama and hurt that comes from this situation and become someone who you are happy to be, someone you are proud to be. So, take it from me, what you are going through right now is hard no doubt, but, it does get better over time and you don't have to let it define you or your life. You get to chose how your life goes, noone else. There is no such thing as a bad life, just bad situations, but, you have the power to rise above it and be happy.

As for rumors and getting bullied. Rumors are nothing more then things created by people who are bored or unhappy with their own lives and therefore they feel the need to involve themselves where they don't have any right to be involved. They figure since they are unhappy that everyone else should be too. Rumors will follow you through life, no matter your age, there will always be people who have nothing better to do then to try to cause trouble for you and bring you down to their level. It is up to you to say "Go ahead, say what you want because I know who I am and I am happy with that and I am happy with my life and I am not going to let you drag me down with you.". The next time that you hear a rumor concerning you or your girlfriend just laugh it off and say "Oh well whatever."...most often when people who are causing the trouble see that it is no longer affecting you or that what they are doing isn't bothering you they will quit because it is no longer entertaining to them. You are a better person then they are and you need to hang onto that. Let them talk, after all, you know the truth and that's all that matters. As long as you are happy with who you are and with your life then what anyone else thinks or says is just static. Concentrate on the positive things in your life and in time I promise you will find that things will ease up and start getting better. You cannot change how others are, not even your parents, but, you can make the choice to be a better person and to be happy. Someone who comes from a situation like yours and mine and finds a way to rise above it and be happy always becomes stronger and appreciates what they have because they had to fight to get to be happy and to be where they are and trust me when you reach this point, it makes everything that you had to suffer through seem so small compared to the happiness you have built for yourself.

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