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Okay, long story short my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and we have had some serious ups and downs, unfortunately mostly downs. My boyfriend is fighting an addiction to pills and that happened not long after we got together. It made him a different person, almost like being with a stranger, I didn't even recognize him anymore. He would like and steal and he quit talking to me about things. I didn't even realize he had a problem at first. So we go through this for a couple years of him not being the man I fell in love with and he is in and out of work. I'm basically supporting him and us in general. One day I finally snap and have had enough and go stay with some family for a few months and think that this is the end of us. I go to break it off with him and he begs me to come home and give it a few weeks. I didn't want to be there and I was still so angry at him for the things he had done and the fact that it seemed like he didn't care about me anymore. One night I was invited to a party and even though didn't really want to go I went because I didn't want to be home even more. I never expected what was going to happen but this guy and I end up not having full blown intercourse but close enough. To me it's all the same. Cheating is cheating. So I go back home and tell my boyfriend the main details of what happened. Although I didn't tell him everything... So we agreed to give each other a second chance since we both had made mistakes. I hate myself daily over this mistake I made and I can't find it in myself to forgive myself.  I don't understand why I did it that night and I wish I would have stayed home but I know I would have broke up with my boyfriend if I had later in the next week or so because I was so angry and done with us at the time. It's been over a year since we decided to try and start over and although I have done everything possible to move past it some days are just really hard. What do I do? Also should I tell my boyfriend everything or is it enough for him to know the main details and that I confessed to him. I've been praying all the time trying to talk to God but I'm also down on my faith and I'm scared he isn't listening... that maybe I'm just not a good person and I'm not worth it.
Country: USA
    

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3 Answers

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Hi,

I've struggled with hurts, hang-ups and habits, including codependency, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been trying to work the 8 Principles of Celebrate Recovery. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 8 Principles of CR are:

1) Realize I’m not God. I admit that I’m powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing, and that my life has become unmanageable.
2) Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover.
3) Consciously commit my life and will to Christ’s care and control.
4) Openly examine and confess my faults to God, to myself and to someone I trust.
5) Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to do in my life, and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.
6) Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.
7) Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading and prayer in order to know God and his will for my life and to gain the power to follow his will.
8) Yield myself to God to be used to bring this good news to others, both by my example and by my words.

Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:
http://locator.crgroups.info

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,
Anonymous
+1 vote
by  
Hi! I know it's not my position to tell you so,  but I think the main reason why you can't move on to that event is because you are keeping a secret from someone you love.  I understand that you're afraid that he wouldn't accept you, but being with him and basically not telling him the whole story can also be considered as cheating. Also, I know how it feels like when your faith is down,  when you think God isn't answering your prayer. But trust me, He does. Maybe that guilt that you're feeling right now is His answer. I think it is Him telling you to be honest and accept your mistakes.
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Profile Photo by Arnold (410 points)   1
Telling him everything will help you internally, honestly, ive had similar experience and the guilt didn't pass untill I was 100% honest about everything. If you truly love him and want it to work I believe he deserves to know the truth? It's about thinking how would you feel if he did this to you and didn't tell you everything?
If he's still there after you've told him what you have then he obviously loves you enough to see past it? The truth is like a lion,set it free and it will defend itself, try writing it all down it'll be easier than just saying it out of the blue?
Please don't beat yourself up about it,guilt is horrible but it's there because you havnt been 100% about the situation?
you will feel better when it's all out of the bag?
Hope this helps x

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