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My fiancee lost to depression. Just wanting to hear from others how they got thru it. Maybe someone to talk, laugh and cry with

+2 votes
76 views
asked Dec 13, 2017 by Tisha  
I found the love of my life last year. Life was finally great and the love I knew could happen finally happened to us. It was so unbelievably great! I had never been so happy!

August 10th he posted online how happy he was and that his life had never been better. August 13th, following an argument, he jumped out the window and out the back gate. I was going to call to him,but as i was getting ready to tell him not to do anything stupid, come back to me and let him know how much i loved him, he was locking the back gate and smiled up at me. I smiled back, knowing we woulx be okay. He didn't come back that night.

He didn't come back the next day.

The second morning without, my son said, "He must feel like a failure to have attempted suicide that many times." I replied back, "But what kind of failure, fails at it that many times?" As soon as i said it, i knew he was gone.

7:30 that night the policd arrived and told me the news. My heart breals everyday. I am just looking to get thru this and heal. It hurts so badly.
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2 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Dec 14, 2017 by HOPE ANGEL24K (60,660 points)   6 11 36
Hi Tisha,

Sorry for the lost and thank you for sharing your story.

Everyone in this world is amazingly unique. It is hard to understand why he made such decision. I am sure he didn't know it would hurt you so badly and break your heart everyday ...

I am sure he felt the same as you about finding the love of life. He was so exited and happy, at the same time, he might be worried about losing this due to his depression. And he want you only see and remember his best moments ...

I guess that smile is telling you that he finally find happiness and he is OK!
Tisha, I hope you carry that smile with you all the time, not as a burden but as a reminder - to be happy for yourself, for him, for your family and friends, and for a amazing future waiting for you! Let go the past, he will always be living happily in that moment of your memory ...

Best Wishes,
HOPE


P.S. For those who are depressed and reading this, suicide is NOT a solution. Please ask for help.
+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Dec 15, 2017 by B. ANGEL6000+ (6,270 points)   5 16
Hi first of all you have to realize that suffering with depression and being depressed is not even in the same ball park so to speak.  Everyone at times get depressed for a variety of reasons. This feeling of being depressed usually passes when the cause for being depressed passes.  People who suffer with depression feel overwhelmed, and feel that there is no way out. They can be what is called clinically depressed when they just want to lay there and die. They feel worthless and often believe the world would be better without them. These people at that stage often suffer with chest pains, throat and swallowing problems, severe stomach problems and more.  A person who has depression can't just turn it off by someone saying everything is going to be alright.  The brain is experiencing a chemical imbalance. When it gets to that stage it is a must that they see a doctor for help.  There is some very successful meds out there that if taken will often bring the person out of the depression. Unless treated even a little thing like an argument is enough to push a person over the edge.  The other part of depression is called being manically depressed. When this happens the person feels like the are at the top of the world so to speak. They feel they can do no wrong. They are on a high when they are spending money. This stage usually burns out rapidly and they then return to the clinical stage.  The medication helps them to keep things balanced.  It is called a bell curve. Unfortunately, your friend did not get the medical help he needed in time. I believe he was in a manic stage when he jumped out the window then smiled at you before he left.  In his mind he may have believed that he knew what he had to do to get relief and came to term with it.  Please accept my sincere simpathy for your loss. Know that he is now free of the depression's grip he endured. He is at peace now. For you however I have empathy for.  I know what you are feeling by trying to blame yourself for what happened. You are in pain and suffered a great loss. It is normal for you to feel depressed.  One never completely overcomes something like this but in time trust me the pain will subside.  Remember the good times you had together. For that short period of time you brought each other joy. Keep those positives in your mind.  Talk to friends, family, clergy or anyone that will listen. Talking about it is the key to overcoming most problems in life. Don't keep it bottled in that is when it becomes dangerous. Depression can happen to anyone at anytime.  The human mind can only take so many hits.  So talk, talk, talk.  Another way I found to be helpful in overcoming tragedy such as this is to get a puppy.  Bonding with a doggy releases stress like you would not believe.  People suffering with PTSD are often helped like that alone.  God bless you my friend.
commented Dec 16, 2017 by anonymous  
Thank you, your words have been the kindest i have heard, so far. I have never experienced a pain so deep as this one. He had been depressed. The two years before we found each other, he was debating suicide. He had threatened it before, but always talked himself out of it. He was seeking medical attention, but even with medication there was always an underlying anger in his eyes. This time, there was no anger behind his eyes. There was no hurt. He had called everyone, i think he had it planned and he was saying good-bye. But, he didnt say it to me. He picked a fight and jumped out the window. He had a horrible childhood. Witnessed the murder of his mother, had been picked on in school, molested as a child and taken advantage of in relationships. He had his life on track, had everything in order. I am not sure why he decided to do what he had done, but keep believing that he came into my life for a reason and causing such heartache is not the reason.

Thank you for your words. My dog has had puppies since he passed. Two of them, Chevy and Diesel, and I cannot find a away to part with either one since he loved dogs so much. I talk about him all the time, the boys and i take turns telling stories and remembering the good times. I keep trying to keep out of the depression, but i have to face the facts that it is winning.
commented Dec 16, 2017 by anonymous  
Thank you for your kind words. I wish you and your family nothing but peace and love for Christmas and a happy New year.  You sound like a wonderful person and the world need more people like you in it. It is OK to feel sad and hurt about what happened.  You are on the right track by talking to your family about the good times you all had together. It helps them as well to vent out. They too are going thru hardships with what happened even if they do come right out and say it.  They do have a mother who is trying her best however to get thru this all.  Keep them close and don't be afraid to hug them and tell them how much you love them. Kids don't come with an owners manual.  As a caring parent all you can do is your best.  They see that as well and appreciate the comfort you provide for them.  May I ask a favor of you?  Take your kids out every day going on walks and showing them the beauties the world has to show.  What God has made is beautiful and nothing shows that better than nature.  Keep yourselves busy for the next little while and  if at all possible talk to your doctor or clergy about the way you feel.  There are people who can help and you have to love yourself and your family right now.  Know that God loves and cares for you. You are special to him and he can help you work things out if you ask him in prayer.  Take care my friend and may the peace of God be with you.

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