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Life's a pond we swim then we die.

+2 votes
43 views
asked Dec 17, 2017 by La Loca  
As a kid my mom was a drug addict and my Dad didn't want me. My entire family turned their backs on my brother and I because of who our parents are or because my Dad was Wiccan. I wasn't a popular kid, never sought out to be. I use to get bullied until I turned to the point of no in between on standing up for myself until  I got kicked out of public high school. I ended up school president of student body at an emotionally disturbed high school. I moved in with and married my first boyfriend who was so nice until I got pregnant and learned his wife really was still with him and she wanted back from Mexico, because he sent her there off lies. I ended up with two kids in diapers no support nothing.  He got deported in 2012 for domestic violence, it all fell on me. Made it but then I ended up in a relationship for 5 more years with one other guy. He did the worst thing in my eyes reject me after all he knew of happening. He would lock himself in the bathroom just watching porn and not showing me anything nothing. We don't even really talk I basically built him to watch me fall.. I even had another kid to catch him on Ashley Maddison. I don't think I can ever forgive anyone at this point and I fantasize death.  I suffer alone I don't feel I have a place I belong.  I want to feel nothing forever.
Country: Ca
    

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3 Answers

+1 vote
answered Dec 17, 2017 by anonymous  
Hi,

I've struggled with depression, including suicidal thoughts, and in general I've struggled with hurts, hang-ups and habits. And there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications prescribed by a doctor. Also, I've been working the 8 Principles of Celebrate Recovery. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 8 Principles of CR are:

1) Realize I’m not God. I admit that I’m powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing, and that my life has become unmanageable.
2) Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover.
3) Consciously commit my life and will to Christ’s care and control.
4) Openly examine and confess my faults to God, to myself and to someone I trust.
5) Voluntarily submit to every change God wants to do in my life, and humbly ask him to remove my character defects.
6) Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.
7) Reserve a daily time with God for self-examination, Bible reading and prayer in order to know God and his will for my life and to gain the power to follow his will.
8) Yield myself to God to be used to bring this good news to others, both by my example and by my words.

Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:
http://locator.crgroups.info

My recovery story, plus other information for life, can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Khujx17Q7c

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,
Anonymous
+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Dec 18, 2017 by B. ANGEL7000+ (7,240 points)   5 16
Hi Loca. Wow you have a unique way of describing  and summing up life in you opening statement.  I agree with you that life at times can appear as if it is the whole world against you.  Like little tadpoles in the pond few ever make it to the end game. The end game to compare it to your opening line would be that the tadpole turns into a frog has a full life then he or she crocks. Sorry I couldn't pass that up.  There is a message in there however.  Yes you have been dealt a poor hand from the very beginning which have affected your life in many not so pleasant ways. You have however survived these hardships and here we are. Not much can be done for you past hardship but a great deal can be done for your present and future. Surely you have headed the old saying that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  Well if that was the case then few would ever want to challenge you to arm wrestling so to speak. You need to work with the positives in you life and before you say what positives take a deep breath and spend a few moments reflecting over your past achievements.  You made thru a drug addict of a mother, a dad that did not want you, being bullied in school...............need I go on? You made it girl eventhow the odds were stacked against you.  You are no the frog in the pond so to speak. Sure you can cry and feel sorry for yourself but you being the strong person you grew up to be knows better than that.  Just a couple of things I feel may be helpful to you is as follows:   First feel good about yourself, you did it, you basically made it this far on your own. Give yourself credit for that.  Next you mentioned having children.  Having kids in my opinion makes everything seem worth it does it not?.  Not only did you give them birth but you raised them on your own. Again give yourself credit here.  You are caring for all these little tadpoles in the pond making sure they have the opportunity to become frogs in their own rights.   Next you guessed it is humor. Laugh, laugh and laugh again.  Laughing about thing instead of crying releases endorphins in you body giving you a felling of joy, satisfaction and warmth all over your body.  This is much better that the alternative effect of depression and feeling of despair is it not.   There are many support groups out there as well you may want to look into.  Maybe talk to your pastor, clergy, priest or so on.  It helps to vent out at times.   Also try not to give up on finding that right relationship.  God never intended us to be alone.  It is never too late to find the right one.  Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find that handsome prince lol.  Cheer up buttercup!   Don't be afraid to hug to kids of yours. I am sure they are troubled by all this even if they don't show it. You are their mom and they don't want you to be in pain.  Take them out for walks, keep busy with them and I guaranty you will all feel better because of it.  Christmas is a wonderful time of year.  If you open your heart and mind to this  I am sure that God will grant you peace. Take care my friend and know that God loves you will never give up on you.  God bless you and your family.
+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Dec 18, 2017 by HOPE ANGEL24K (60,840 points)   6 11 36
Dear Loca,

You have my respect. I think you are a strong fighter and has been trying your best to handle the challenges life throws at you.

We are not born equal. You were raised in a toxic "pond". Without a healthy environment, resources, and guidance, you made some mistakes and fall. However, you stand up, again and again. I am sure you can continue to fight, for yourself and your kids. I am sure you don't want them to grow up in a similar "pond". Your love and support are critical to them. There are real solutions to the problems.

Please don't hesitate to ask for help and advice for specific problems. You are not alone!
Call the helpline anytime:
The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Domestic Violence (US) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Dial 211 (US) at 211

Dear Loca, your life is much bigger than this "pond" you are living and perceive. There are beauty, wonder, and miracles waiting for you to explore. You will be able to find them by making right decisions and positive changes.

Best Wishes,
HOPE

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