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Hey.... I'm depressed. And suicidal. But i can't talk to my parents. 'Cause i feel like they will be so disapointed with me

+3 votes
74 views
asked Dec 22, 2017 by Clarisse  
I feel like. I'm in a room full of people. But yet, no one can see me. I told my Best Friend, that i may or may not do suicide. She stayed with me, but i still feel like i'm alone. I've been finding a reason to live and breathe, but, I think i failed.  I can't stand depression anymore. It feels like i'm losing to it. And it's so hard also because, no one in my family or relative knows. I tried giving them signs....... But its still hopeless. They would never know. And lately. I've been having wierd thoughts like, 'What if i commited suicide, would someone miss me? Would someone cry for me?' Then a voice in my head suddenly said that 'Of course not. You're ugly, worthless and useless.'
Country: Philippines
    

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4 Answers

+2 votes
answered 4 weeks ago by Lauren  
Your life is extremely valuable.  I hear you loud and clear.  I can relate to being sick of depression.
I'm very unstable myself right now.  That's why I read your call for help.  
If I can help you to understand how valuable you are maybe I can see my value.
I hope you can find another good friend to stick around and keep you safe.
I wish I were there but I'm not.  My grandfather was a Filipino. So when I saw the country is the Philippines I said yes, this is the one.

I'd bet I can imagine your dialect too.  Just please, please, please don't forget that you have good friends.
I care about you and I don't even know you.   So please hear me, I care about you and I don't want you to harm yourself.

Please, you don't deserve to be hurt.
0 votes
answered 4 weeks ago by anonymous  
Hi,
I've struggled with depression, including suicidal thoughts, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 12 Steps of EA are:

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
And there's an additional principle of recovery: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org

My story can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EysSD4rGew

I’ve also been involved with a fellowship called Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:
http://locator.crgroups.info

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,
Anonymous
+1 vote
answered 1 week ago by anonymous  
silence kills. My family was kinda abusive and i certainly didnt expect anything from them when they found out (against my will). Even they were worried and I guess having lived together for so long, it will be difficult for us to form relationships and develop feelings for each other even if it's not the healthiest one. What I am trying to say is that, when you try to keep something a secret, it will grow and fester in you. Once, I took courage and told my churchmates how I am feeling. Thing is, I am not even close to them. However there is this sense of liberation. When you expose the dirty things you do or feel to reliable and trusthworthy people, somehow you will feel liberated, trust me. You should not be left alone to fight this negativity. If even random strangers online would bother about you so much to type you essays to not give up, what more your family will feel when they know about how you are feeling? They will be more desperate than us and will surely accompany you to fight this battle with you. Do not succumb to the lies of the enemies. I dont know if you have a faith or if you are a christian, but if God created you in His image, if God were to send down his precious Son to die for our sins, He certainly love us and would not create us to be worthless and ugly people. He created you with a purpose. You may not be the person that you envision yourself to be right now, that means that you need to put in the effort to develop yourself. It requires conscious effort, time and patience. After all, no babies can walk within a day. A toddler will practice walking untill he/she could get it. You arent born with inherent qualities. It's good that you realised your flaws. That means that you can work on it and become someone better. We always need to imporve ourselves all the time, that's life. Just dont get too fixated on your flaws and problems. Seek help and the emotional support you need and start working on the solution. Be brave and take ownership over your personal development.
0 votes
answered 1 week ago by anonymous  
I care about you Clarisse! Now its time U started caring about U! Accept yourself 100%, Trust yourself 100%, Love yourself 100%. Things can only get better. Peace sister

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The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
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