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I have nobody to talk to, I feel unheard and alone, and my parents refuse to work with me. I feel like I want to die.

+2 votes
76 views
asked Jan 5 by Matthew  
I'm 19 years old. I graduated a year ago, and ever since then I've been alone in my room every single day. I have no self esteem or motivation to the point where I can't bring myself to call my care worker regarding finding a job because picking up my phone feels like huge task. I don't know where my life is going anymore and I think my mental health is deteriorating.
I got in a fight with my parents earlier this week because I felt very stressed out by them. They know that I get stressed out easily. I refused to speak to them for the past week, and I attempted to talk to my mom about it this morning but as usual she's hell-bent on the idea that I'm pushing her and all of my responsibilities away and refuses to listen to me. Me trying to push her away when I feel stressed out is the only way I know how to handle it, and it's not because I'm pushing away responsibility. I literally know no other way of dealing with these feelings. I did something that I've never done in my life, I screamed at her, flipped a table, threw a vase, and went into my room and slammed my door. I couldn't handle this wave of accusations and lies and I exploded. I refuse to talk to her anymore, but now that means I have nobody.
I don't know what to do anymore. Every day goes by in a brief moment, I have nothing to do, I feel like I'm in a constant war with emotions in my head and anything can ruin my entire day. I've never attempted suicide, but every day now I think of it more, and I'm finding myself fantasizing about ways I can kill myself.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Country: Canada
    

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3 Answers

0 votes
answered Jan 6 by anonymous  
Hi,

I've struggled with emotional problems like anxiety, anger and depression (including suicidal thoughts), and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications prescribed by a doctor. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 12 Steps of EA are:

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
And there's an additional principle of recovery: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.
http://www.emotionsanonymous.org

My story can be found here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EysSD4rGew

I’ve also been involved with a fellowship called Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:
http://locator.crgroups.info

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,
Anonymous
+2 votes
answered Jan 7 by Angel   3 5 15
So I was feeling really depressed too and I searched for "I need to talk to someone, I am depressed". I ended up on this site and saw your post. Manz, I was in a similar situation back then and I really felt helpless over my circumstances. I realised that I have many flaws, and the more i focused on it, the more depressed and un-energetic i became, the more useless i become, and the more depressed I get over my uselessness and thus the vicious cycle begins. Eventually i got sick of feeling depressed and i questioned myself "why people could lead a decent life and here I am being so useless" part of me was really afraid of the idea of suicide as well. As comforting suicide sounds, it just invoke a sense of fear. I dont want to rely on it as a source of emotional support, I am sure I am not born to become someone like this. I want to become a better version of myself. So i stared at the truth. Yes, at this moment i really suck. However we are not born with talents already imbued in us. We need to make the effort to improve ourselves. I would advise you to take baby steps and dont give yourself excuses as to why you cannot become a better person. Perhaps your goal right now can be establishing a more open and closer relationship with people whom you can trust. Like your mom perhaps. Or just going out everyday to accomplish something, anything, even if it's small, it's still something. Stop being too self absorbed in your problems, focus more on the solution. What can you do to become someone better? Of course, having emotional support is important in your recovery. Seek professional help. For me, I am glad to have known Jesus and He saved me. I dont know if you have a faith or if you are a christian, but I really owe my life to Jesus. He is real and He gave me tangible hope. No matter what, I will be cheering for you. Stop succumbing to the lies that you are not good enough or you are useless. If you dont put in the effort to polish yourself, obviously you arent getting anywhere. You are still 19. You are still young. It's not too late to start now. I am sure you will get far and one day when you look back, I am sure that you are thankful that you lived on. Because I do. Somedays I still feel like **** but nowadays, most days I actually want to live. The me back then would have never imagined that I would ever want to live. Dont be deceived by the devil. God has created you for a purpose and He loves you. If you find him, I am sure he will come to you as well. Surrender your sense of hopelessness to Him, and start believing in what He has to say about who you are and what's your identity, what you are created for. I am sure this period of time isnt redundant. There's lots of lessons to learn and self-discovery to be made. You just need to get out from this pit.
Profile Photo commented Jan 8 by B. ANGEL7000+ (7,240 points)   5 16
Very good answer. See God's works are working through you.  The Holy Spirit has enlightened you through your own suffering to help others. You are an angel and I pray that you will continue the work that God has inspired you to do. God bless you my friend.  Papasmurf A.K.A. Rick B.
0 votes
answered Jan 8 by anonymous  
Yo Matthew. Accept what happened without any prejudice and move on. Your future eagerly awaits you, so choose now what type of future u want. Now is the future.  U have the power! Peace brother

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