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I've been like this ever since I was bullied back in my high school days. Even though the days we're burried, I can still hear them calling me names. I knew to myself that I forgave them already. But once in a while in the end of the night or at the breaking of dawn. Everything just suddenly comes back.  Sometimes I would drove away people and I cant just be easily satisfied like having friends is wrong. I would usually tremble when speaking infront and during performances , I get scared when they start to laugh. Everyday I see people , it terrifies me. I am devoured by my thoughts and this hole my past had created. Sometimes I just suddenly break down. THere is no crucial reason. BUT ITS KILLING ME AND I NEED HELP

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3 Answers

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I feel lost too, although nothing bad happened. That is the reason I'm here. I'm looking for a purpose or a special meaning of life.
I think there is someone is facing the severe issue that needs our help. let's help people in need.
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Profile Photo by B. ANGEL7000+ (7.4k points)   5 16
Hi many people are in the same boat as you so to speak. Your past experiences have served to make you feel inadequate in life.  These bullies don't remember you now it was just a thing they do to put others down. By doing that they get their jollies and make themselves feel superior to others in their own mind. Most people who bully others were bullied themselves growing up. They see how devastated they were when it took place and feel the only way they can build themselves up again is to bully someone they view as being weaker then them. Therefore the circle continues.  Now that you are older you have to come to terms with this and not let the scars they inflicted on you then have effect on you now.  You said you already forgave them and that is good. Now you need to forgive yourself for allowing their past action to affect your present day life. You need to look at things in a different fashion. You need to start building up confidence and only you can do that. You need to decide if you are a victim or a survivor. Once you can decide which you want then you can grow from that time on. God Bless papasmurf, A.K.A. Rick B.
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I've struggled with depression, including suicidal thoughts, and also anxiety, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications prescribed by a doctor. Also I've ben doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 12 Steps of EA are:

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
And there's an additional principle of recovery: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.

My story can be found here:

I’ve also been involved with a fellowship called Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,

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