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What is the point of all of this?

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asked Feb 1, 2018 by anonymous  
I guess this is more of a way to vent than anything because I really have no one I can talk to. I just feel so over everything lately. I feel like I just want to end things and be done with it. Then I think about my mom not having a home or someone to take her to her appointments or the store. I think of my kids and who will play taxi and make sure their needs are truly looked after. I worry my husband will never get help for his alcoholism. I think of my sister and what she would do if I wasn't there to help out with my niece and nephew or talk to when she's upset. I worry about hurting my dad's feelings. I even worry about letting the people at work down and making their lives temporarily harder by having to cover my shifts. I worry that I am going to finally stop worrying about everyone else's feelings and just do what I need to do to stop feeling this way. So many times I wake up and instead of thanking God for another day like I should, I cry in the shower because I wish I would have just died. I wish I were gone all of the time. I cry in secret all of the time. Every time I feel brave enough to just end it, I start thinking of everyone else and how selfish I am being and then I feel worse. The best part is no one knows. If you met me you would think I was the happiest person. At work I am always smiling and friendly with everyone. I try to act the same way at home. Always ready to do what my family asks from me. I feel so guilty over these feelings. I don't have a bad life. I have wonderful children. I have a good husband. My only issue with him is his drinking. He is not mean or abusive but his personality can change and he acts really stupid and annoying. He is a good provider and doesn't run around on me. We have some really good times together sometimes. I have a nice home and all of the bills get paid with a little extra left over. And I have a nice family. I am grateful for these things and I tell myself to suck it up and get over myself. I should be happy. I don't understand why I feel like I just want to end it all. I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone and I know I wouldn't be able to get any of these feelings out without just being a sobbing, unintelligible mess.
Country: United States

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1 Answer

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answered Feb 4, 2018 by anonymous  

I've struggled with depression, including suicidal thoughts, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 12 Steps of EA are:

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
And there's an additional principle of recovery: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.

My story can be found here:

I’ve also been involved with a fellowship called Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,

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