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I can’t believe I’m standing here frozen, worn down to nothing, staring into this surreal sunset of ice. At 60 years of age, is this the picture of my sadly shortened life? I knew I was being abused by my ex but when I tried to describe my unbroken, unbruised pain to others, the words I spoke didn’t even make sense to me. It took years after he divorced me and had me evicted from “our” home of 30 years to see his true colors and well executed plan. He turned not only my beloved grown children against me, but my family, small circle of friends, my psychiatrist, then community, church and the domestic violence and systems of “help” against me. I’m literally stuck in a remote area, renting a room that feels like a prison cell. I’m cold, hungry and feel weaker by the day it seems. I’ve not had a soul to talk to about all that’s happened. I once had a very close walk with God but he too has left my side. Sometimes I feel like a complete idiot for walking around with my eyes closed. But how could I foresee my own family abuse and turn their backs on me after welcoming me with open arms, as “God had called them to do” when I had nowhere else to turn? There’s so much more to my story but I’m exhausted, and I’m sure you are too after reading of my shattered life. I only wanted someone to talk to. Thank you for listening., dear heart, whoever you are.
Country: USA
    

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3 Answers

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Have you ever heard the saying "God helps those who help themselves"?  I'm frequently afraid of talking to people because I never really know the effect the things I say will have on them.  Often people respond in ways that confuse me.

God doesn't abandon anyone.  He can't; he's ingrained in everything.  Don't take that to mean that everything functions according to God's will; it doesn't. God gave us free will, which takes a lifetime to comprehend fully.

Our, as humans, free will is God's sacrifice to his creation.  This is the reason why life requires challenges.  Why did he create life this way?  Ask a surfer. And if you're not anywhere near a beach, ask a mountain climber.  And if you can't find any of the aforementioned try to imagine how someone who embarks on these undertakings might respond.  

Since you're in a remote locale but seem to have information access I recommend reading Conversations with God and/or The Shack.  Both give good perspectives on God, especially when God is hard to understand.  

God is hard to understand, but profoundly simple.  It's a paradox.  He likes being a little mysterious sometimes.  He has a sense of humor, and both reflects and inspires what humanity creates.  You'll know it's him when his method of communication can't be created by human will, subterfuge, or what's generally referred to as "smoke and mirrors." Yes, kind of like the Wizard of Oz, but actually more *similar to* the image on the curtain than the kindly man who can snap his fingers and procure a hot air balloon.  However, what God can procure negates such immediate material needs.

The book The Shack tries to address how tragedy can occur in a world where God is present. It does a pretty good job.  It's a little lumpy in places, but it's extremely difficult to speak for God, especially without committing heresy.  The answer to that lies in the ways which we choose to exercise our free will.  Sometimes people abuse the privilege, which is why humans say "life isn't fair." Because we make it that way, sometimes passively.   Nothing explains why things like that happen.  Nothing.  But don't let it negate your belief in God, he does demand faith, he has much to be responsible for and it's just not possible to please everyone all the time, especially when we refuse to examine our own expectations, over which we have the most control.
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I can tell you are a woman and you are in the USA.
Welcome to Patriarchy.
The reason you are in you’re situation and your male partner was able to manipulate people is because of sexism/male supremacy.
Search for a feminist organization, preferably radical feminist and hopefully they can help. Just send an email, join a facebook group or find a phone number.
Also look up “The Old Women’s Project” website and try to get in touch with them.
There are also Christian and Faith-Based feminists now.
Try a new Church too.
You can also try another DV shelter in a different area or state or even try a Canadian one.
You can try explaining to your family how manipulative your ex is and maybe point out their own ignorance/sexism because what have you got to lose?
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My deaely beloved, you're not alone I know you've lost faith in God but there is still life in you to live, That still small voice is whispering gently, hold on help is on the way, as you can once your dedication and your devotion, but my dear sister remember, HE'LL NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE YOU, HE'S FOREVER A PRESENT HELP IN TIME OF TROUBLE...SMILE:)

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