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Hi there. This is going to be a long message but please listen to me... I just need someone to listen to me. Thanks.
 I'm seventeen years old. I have been depressed most of the time. And I have had thoughts of wanting to die since I was nine years old. I had a problematic childhood (I don't really like discussing about it), and it has affected me in the most negative way. I hid it from my dear and near ones for more than 10 years. Due to the stress and depression I started self harming. When my parents found out about my self harming issue... I had no other choice but to open up to my mother. She just showed some pity and that's it. She told I should forget and get over it, and blamed that it was my fault that I did not tell her before. My mother and I have a very complicated daughter-mother relationship. She has a very big ego problem. She teases me, belittles me for every reason and humiliates me. I always tried to get over it... But to no avail. Her favourite is my brother and never me. She compares me to everyone, and thinks I'm very negative.  She does not even acknowledge my depression, and thinks its all bright and colourful in my life. She even ruined the relationship between my grandma and I. She thinks she is all good and just. But she is flawed just like others. I can't just move out of my house or let go of my family. And if I back answer her, she'll ignore me for days. She does the same to my dad and I feel sorry for him. I have sufficient problems burdened on me and my mother adds more to it. I am so frustrated. My mother is really weird... At times she is all good and normal, but then out of nowhere she treats me bad. I feel so bad and think that I might be the reason for her mood swings.
 I have to say she has had her fair share of past pain. She had a complicated relationship with her parents. I do not really know much about it. Now she is continuing that cycle and I am victim.
 Right now she is ignoring me. I apologized and tried talking to her, but she wouldn't listen to me. I tried talking to her about how she hurts me and she just tells that it happens in most of the households... don't over react. I really have no idea what to do. My brother does not even care or communicates with me. I feel so helpless and suicidal.
 I will be getting into a university in few more months. I have applied to various boarding colleges. All I request you readers is, to pray that I get accepted into a good boarding college with a course of my choice, so that I can escape from this mess.
 I know my mother is a bit much to bear... But she is not bad... still there are times when she took care of me and treated me properly. I feel so confused.
 At times I google "How to kill myself?" Amd always give up. But my faith keeps me strong. And I cannot really put my dad through that sort of pain. Those are the only things which keeps me going.
 Thank you for listening to my long rant. I just had to get it out of me. Have a nice day.
Country: Under the sky...

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1 Answer

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I've struggled with depression, including suicidal thoughts, and there's been a lot of improvement for me. I've been taking anti-depressant medications. Also I've been doing the 12 Steps of Emotions Anonymous. Part of my continued healing is that I share with others the solution. The 12 Steps of EA are:

1: We admitted we were powerless over our emotions--that our lives had become unmanageable.
2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5: We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6: We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10: We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
And there's an additional principle of recovery: We offered forgiveness to those who had hurt us.

Emotions Anonymous, a fellowship of people recovering from emotional problems like anxiety, depression and anger.

My story can be found here:

I’ve also been involved with a fellowship called Celebrate Recovery, a fellowship of people recovering from all kinds of hurts, hang-ups and habits. To find a group:

Thanks for reading this.

May peace be with you,

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If you or someone you know is in an emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please also call:
The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Domestic Violence (US) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline (US) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Victims of Crime Connect (US) at 1-855-4VICTIM (855-484-2846)
Boys Town (US) at 1-800-448-3000
Dial 211 (US) at 211
The Trevor Project (US) at 1-866-488-7386
GLBT National Hotline (US) at 1-888-843-4564
TRANS Lifeline (US) at 1-877-565-8860
Crisis Text Line (US) Text START to 741741
Samaritans (UK) at 08457 90 90 90
Mind Infoline (UK) at 0300 123 3393
Rethink Mental Illness (UK) at 0300 5000 927
Breathing Space (Scotland) at 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans (Ireland/ROI) at 1850 60 90 90
1life (Ireland/ROI) at 1800 24 7 100
The Lifeline (New Zealand) at 0800 543 354
The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
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