Thank you for sharing. It shows u are a strong person by doing so.
I can relate to abuse, drug abuse, mental illness, and guilt. I was molested my my uncle when I was very young and I still suffer from it. I'm now bipolar, adha, and personally think I suffer from a split personality disorder. I have blackouts and nightmares. Its hard for me to tell the difference anymore. Medicine helps for a little but then stops. can't sleep, eat or hold a job.
My cousin, daughter of the man I was molested by. I feel horrible cause I witnessed her abuse and said nothing. I was not alone thou. My whole family knew about it. I was only a little girl and know it is not my fault but still feel like I could have done something. Even at her dance class, the teachers saw the bruises and called but nothing was done.
No matter what you've done in your past, as long as you can forgive yourself, you can be forgiven. If asking God is your way to deal with what u been through, then you do it. Just find peace however you can.
Drugs can bring out a lot of mental illnesses and make them worst, so just be careful.
People are perdictable if you really think about it. Thats how we can make friends, find out illnesses, and even understand ourselves. The way you present yourself is important. People can pick up on emotions based off you body languge, actions, expressions, even your appearence. Its natural, just don't let it take control. If you think of yourself as a victim, people will pick up on those emotions and treat you a certine way. Try it. Next time you are meeting someone or just pass them by, hold your head up high and give them a smile. People will react differently of course. But for the most part I can believe you will get a postive reaction.
Some people might even have been though or are going though what you been though and are going though.
We are natually drawn to positive things. Thats why glitter is so exciting:) And Rainbows. Happy thoughts. Just think postive and others will pick up on that and will act postive also.
I'm not telling you to be fake, just be an actor. I started acting out roles in different situations or depending on who I'm with. I stop and thought about the best way to handle every situation and this helped. I stopped taking everyone's words or even some situations so serious. I stopped judging people right off the bat by giving them a chance. Eventally this got easier and started to become natural. Just remember you can't please everyone or get along with everyone. The all have minds of their own and react based on different feelings. Become a people watcher and try to understand or at least believe that there is a pattern.
Once you start to understand people a little better, you will learn more about how to approch them, situations differently and learn more about yourself.
I hope this helped. Its not easy and may take awhile to pick up a new way of thinking. Best of luck to you and your childern.