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My brother is getting married in a month up in gretna green which is quite far from where we live.  His fiancee made a request a few months ago that my wife stand outside the church with our daughter during the ceremony but we found out she will have another child there, basically denying my wife and child.  This request has been made on a previous occassion.  Me and my wife were not happy with this especially since we would be travelling a fair distance and decided we were not going.  We contacted my brothers fiancee who was extremely rude and abrupt with us and my brother refused to answer any calls or messages from me.  We were not rude, we explained our reasons which were fair and requested our deposit back which was refused.  My brother or fiancee has not bothered with me at all since then and my family keep saying "we are not getting involved".  Both me and my wife dont feel a part of this family and feel hurt from my brothers decision.  The family do not seem interested in this at all and dont seem interested to resolve this.  I find it hard to understand why my family have not done anything at all and why they are still going to this wedding.  Is it wrong to feel unwanted in this family?  What shall I do?
Country: UK

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2 Answers

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Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 36
Ouch ! tricky this one this, Do you do as they ask ? do you stand your ground ?
Well the family are doing the right thing by not taking sides, so its between you and your brother. I am not clear why  your brothers fiancee wishes that you wife waits outside with your daughter ?
If it was me I would do the same as you. But if you don't go to his wedding it will be a problem for you both forever more. Again if it was me and you have explained the situation in a nice way. I would put the ball back in his court and say.( "My wife and I would love to be with you on your wedding day but as a family " If you cant except us as a family I am sad for your decision" We hope this will not tarnish our relationship. )
or something like that. Relations fall outs can be a problem for all the family, so this needs to be carefully thought about and you should make all attempts to resolve it if you can.
If you have done all you can to sort this and they still refuse to work things out with you, then stand firm and don't put the blame on yourselves.
Just a foot note this happened to me some years back when I couldn't make one of my relatives wedding, and for some time is was blacklisted my some of the family but know we are all ok but its not been totally forgotten. I hope this will help and ease any gilt you may be feeling. Message back if you want.......Angel Faith
Thank you for your response.  It turns out my brothers fiancee is very jelous of what others have and she doesn't and it appears my brother has not been provided with all the truth about me, my wife and daughter.  I have spoke with my mum with regard to this and she has agreed to set up a meeting for me and my brother so we can talk about this.  Thank you so much for you help and guidance.
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Profile Photo by Jones ANGEL14K+ (15.6k points)   3 7 24
Many people may (rightly or wrongly) request that small children or babies not be present at a wedding ceremony - that's their perogative, however, this has to be across the board. It doesn't seem right in that case that your wife and child have been asked to stay outside when there's another child/baby allowed in.

What did your brother say when you pointed this out?

I can't tell you what to do, but if you have tried to reason with him and the rest of the family and you're still not happy about it, then you've got to do what you have to do. Follow your instincts. Choosing not to go is a big decision....but so was your brother's decision to exclude your family.

Be brave and stand by your choice.
Thank you for your response.  Unfortunately my brother and I have not spoken about this at all since I have not been able to get hold of him.  My mum however is arranging a meeting for us both to get together to try and sort things out.  It wont change my position on the wedding but I want to speak to him to hopefully resolve this.  Thank you again.
Profile Photo by Jones ANGEL14K+ (15.6k points)   3 7 24
That's a pretty good resolution then. Good for you in doing what you feel is right and i do hope you manage to find some common ground with your brother. Good luck.

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