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I'm 24 and I've already gotten my associates degree, but wanted to get a bachelors degree. I had been living with my aunt and uncle before I moved onto campus, and before my aunt left, she said some things the made me feel like she was happy that I was finally going to be out of their house, like I had worn out my welcome, so now I feel like I have nowhere to go. My parents have already died. Now I'm here at school, my roommate is much younger then me. She said some terrible things behind my back and I found out, I barely even know her yet. I'm having trouble adjusting here, and no one at home seems to want to talk. I can't help but feel like they're glad to have me out of their hair. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts on and off  through out my life. I'm tired of feeling this way. Each time I'm about to go through something like this, I feel like I'm finally strong enough this time, I won't get depressed, I won't struggle with my social anxiety, I will be fine. But each time it seems like I just struggle and fall. It's true I usually land on my feet, but this whole process is becoming so exhausting. I try to find things in life to make me happy, but right now it's impossible. I'm so tired of doing this alone, of fighting all these battles all by myself and feeling like no one wants me and my reward is always a short period of calm or happiness before another battle begins. There must be something more. But I'm having more and more trouble finding it. I'm really on the fence about suicide right now.
Country: United States
    

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2 Answers

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Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (64.4k points)   7 11 38

Dear Friend,

You are not alone. Many people care about you.

Many parents are happy when their children leave them because it means that their children are independent, truly grow up, and can take good care of themselves. It is a good sign. Don't think of it in a negative way. You can understand if you can look at this from their perspective.

"She said some terrible things behind my back and I found out, I barely even know her yet. I'm having trouble adjusting here" Please don't feel discouraged. There are always challenge in a new environment. This could happen to anyone, no matter in school or at work.

Find a chance to sit down and talk with your roommate next week. Tell her that life is short and you believe that both of you want to have a wonderful experience/memory in college. It is best for both of you to create a trust and warm environment in the room. Get to know each other and set up ground rules that both of you feel comfortable with.

I know it is frustrating to fight these battles. However, I think they also make you unique, strong, smart, successful, thoughtful, thankful, and won’t take anything for granted.

We all care about you here. You can talk with us anytime about anything!

You are never alone.

May Angels Be Always Around!!!!

 

BTW, you can also call the helpline anytime:

The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)

0 votes
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
I have read your message and can see you have some issues to sort, or come to terms with. Your 24 and not doing to bad education wise by the sound of it, so look at that as a definite positive.
I'm sure you Aunt and uncle didn't mean that as a serious comment, but as a you are now an adult and need to start being more independent. That's fair enough but you have to have an income to be independent I know.
But life is all about sorting things out and moving on. You need to be responsible for yourself and start to stand on your own two feet.
One thing you can start with is not letting what others say and do effect you, what's more important is what you say and do. If they have a problem with you, that's their problem. So don't take their problems on your shoulders.
At this time you are feeling a little low and need to build up your confidence, try doing something for others like charity work or helping people on here, this can be so rewarding and give you that feeling of worth. It might be a good idea to have a chat with your doctor or one of the help lines for depression.
Finally if you want to talk more with me and tell me your feelings please message my back, I am here for you,. .........Angel Faith

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IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL 911 ( 999, 112, 111, or ... ) OR GO TO YOUR NEAREST EMERGENCY ROOM.

If you or someone you know is in an emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please also call:
The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Domestic Violence (US) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline (US) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Victims of Crime Connect (US) at 1-855-4VICTIM (855-484-2846)
Boys Town (US) at 1-800-448-3000
Dial 211 (US) at 211
The Trevor Project (US) at 1-866-488-7386
GLBT National Hotline (US) at 1-888-843-4564
TRANS Lifeline (US) at 1-877-565-8860
Crisis Text Line (US) Text START to 741741
Samaritans (UK) at 08457 90 90 90
Mind Infoline (UK) at 0300 123 3393
Rethink Mental Illness (UK) at 0300 5000 927
Breathing Space (Scotland) at 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans (Ireland/ROI) at 1850 60 90 90
1life (Ireland/ROI) at 1800 24 7 100
The Lifeline (New Zealand) at 0800 543 354
The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
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