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...when you feel like you need a break from your life... I don;t know what to do anymore. I'm 26, I'm married, I have 2 children, I have a job and the option of going to university to complete my career path... I had everything most people dream of, nothing in my life was bad... after the birth of my second child I hit depression really badly I felt useless and suicidal and like everyone would be better off without me I'm no stranger to these thoughts they have plagued my mind since I was a teenager constantly seeing therapists and being on different medications to try and pull me out of it... my life was worthless I felt lost and lonely and my husband wasnt very supportive, or so I thought... on returning to work I quickly made friends with a woman whom I spent a lot of time with quickly and without realising she made me feel happy and back to my "normal" self I enjoyed spending time with her and I enjoyed the way she made me feel about life again...in a total selfish bout of passion and confusion we ended up having a relationship which ended up in me leaving my husband to be with this woman who made me so happy and gave me a new lease of life... this new lease of life did not last very long...our relationship has been going on for 2 years I left my husband 7 months ago...now not only am I not happy I';m confused am I gay? I am layered with guilt for taking my children away from their father and disrupting their life I feel guilty towards my husband who has only ever loved me and tried to understand me and now I feel guilty towards this new female in my life as I am unsure about how I actually feel for her yes I care about her but am I in love with her? I have been on the sick from work for 4 months now and I am due to return and I feel so uncomfortable going back knowing that everyone is talking about me and making assumptions about my life. I feel like my life is spiralling out of control and I dont know what to do about it. I cry every day most of the day I had everything and I ruined it the guilt is taking over me and I selfishly feel like killing myself to escape it. no matter what I do in my life I will hurt those that love and care for me and I cannot take it anymore I hate the look of anger and pain on my husbands face when he comes to visit the children. I hate myself for everything that I have done. I am so confused and lonely I have no one I can talk to I dont want to burden anyone with my problems I want to escape myself and my life and suicide is the only way I can think of to do that my children are currently what stop me but every day I am feeling more and more like they would be better off without me too all I want to do is sleep or drink my life away and that is no life for them I feel useless and all to blame which I know I am... I wish I could take it all away
Country: uk
    

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2 Answers

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Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (66.2k points)   7 11 38
We all make mistakes. People in your situation may make the same decision, and it is even possible that it is not a mistake to them ...

Therefore, FORGIVE yourself ... it is no use to live in the past and keep blaming yourself.

Look forward ... and make decisions not base on your past but on the future, not base on guilt but on responsibility, not base on the sunk cost but on the potential value you can add to your children/relathinship/world in the future.

Your children miss a typical family and I am sure you don't want them to sufer more from losing their mother ...

Suicide is NOT a solution and it will only cause pain. Please never give up, please keep fighting for your children. You are a caring person and a strong mother, you can win this battle!!

May Angels be with you and your family!
0 votes
Profile Photo by Santana ANGEL5000+ (5.4k points)   1 3 15
Hi Freind,

There are a few issues in this, your depression, your sexuality and your current happiness.

Firstly if you are having feelings of depression and anxiety it is important that you seek medical advice for this. Also there are many other ways you can help yourself maintain a positive outlook on life, there are meditations you can do regularly(can be found free of charge on youtube), Cognostic Behavioural Therepy, Hositic centers are all over these days, These places are great for getting cheap alternative therapies which can really help.

Secondly, you are questioning your sexuality. If you want my advice, don´t. Too many labels are out there already. People are so determined to fit us in a certain box. Just say you love men and have loved women. Why complicate things even more by fighting with yourself over who you are?

Which leads me lastly to your current situation. You don´t seem happy whilst writing this, but only you can answer the question about how happy you are in this current relationship. If the issue is yourself then time is needed to be alone with yourself and to work on your own issues first. You ever heard the old phrase?...You can´t love anyone before you love yourself.

If you are unhappy with yourself you will latch onto anything or anyone that makes you feel happy. Figure out how you can make yourself happy and you´ll never need that again.

I hope you take the time to really love yourself and make yourself strong. xx

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Samaritans (UK) at 08457 90 90 90
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Breathing Space (Scotland) at 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans (Ireland/ROI) at 1850 60 90 90
1life (Ireland/ROI) at 1800 24 7 100
The Lifeline (New Zealand) at 0800 543 354
The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
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