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Where to start , my mother has constantly been blaming me for problems in her life.because my father run off and im the oldest i feel she always had a thing for ripping into me , i felt it was always because she had nobody to listen to her , nobody to blame.throughout my child hood i was raised by her mother until she died when i was 11, my real mother i called her.i was forced to move from my home town , school and friends , to a small village in the middle of nowhere because she wanted to move in with her boyfriend. her life was more important of course.when i was 13 i started drinking almost every weekend and started smoking cannabis.went from a top class student to not giving a **** in no time at all.i realized in school, that school is only there to teach you about order , taking orders and such , and that , in order to progress , you had to take orders and remember things, nothing got to do with intelligence , nothing to do with understanding , nothing to prepare you for real life. got fed up with school , and moved back to town at 17 ,through them years i had constant arguing with my mother over school , smoking cannabis and drinking.i got kicked out of my own house to which i moved to my own place.next year or so i tried going back to school but my feelings about it were stronger , i didnt want to be there. i had jobs here and there doing different things, bar work, retail etc..still didnt want to be in any of them places.when i get the money i just want to spend it , not for a buzz or the sake of spending it .i just dont even care about money and prefer to have myself some weed than anything.between 16 - 21 i went through alot of different "party drugs" so to speak, until i met a good girl , i stopped and for 2 years spent them with her ,she broke my heart after i broke hers, i went back to taking drugs, bit of speed, bit of **** ,few e's ,mdma, ketamin ,drinking excessivly .sometimes i woke up and just smoked weed or done a line of something rather than eat.went through a few meaningless flings , with girls which made me feel empty.got sick of it all one day and stopped.got back into my mothers house again, few more weeks of arguing until i left ,went to england working for 6 months , smoked a lot of weed ,drank alot .came back because one of my best friends died from an overdose and my best mate ended up in jail in venezuela.back into the mothers to constant arguing over stupid things.she always looks for something to winge or argue about and i just have a thing about me because of being bullied when i was younger, that if someone attacks me , i attack back. verbally mostly.physically with a man , if he hits me first.would never put a finger on a woman.so i went to england again for a month , my cousin helped me out with a job, promising me a job 3 months after that 1 month , permanently , but now my cousin wont write back , so thats gone. im now everyday thinking about what the **** i can do with myself ,where can i go, what can i do .because i am not like everybody else , because i am not "normal" ie im not the same as people that copy others which then becomes main stream, because of this , i am not accpeted in this house , im not accepted among my friends anymore , i literally talk to one friend.everybody thinks im mad when im not, i cant stand it anymore .i am lonely ,alone , i cannot trust anybody ,i can barely live day to day . i am certainly NOT suicidal.im just alone , depressed ,i feel like the world is against me .
Country: Ireland
    

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2 Answers

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Profile Photo by Jones ANGEL14K+ (15.6k points)   3 7 24
hi

i hope we can make you feel worthwhile on here and youre certainly not alone. I'm always on here so any time you fancy a chat about anything or just to blow off a bit of steam then give me a shout.

YOur situation does sound quite complicated and you've gotto feel like youre getting a lot of your bad luck out of the way in a short time. life doesntjust have bad luck in store for us all, so you can look forward to a bit of some positivity soon i reckon.

Only real advice i can give is just to try to live your life in a kind and selfless way. do things that benefit others but are not a gain for you. I'm not saying that you're not like this at all - you may well be - but seriously, try it! offer to help out at a charity shop or baby sit for a friend, anything to give yourself a big boost of self worth. it feels good to be good and everyone can always do more to better ourselves - i know that applies to me for sure.

fingers crossed for you. try a couple of new things and see how things change for you. you could be in for a very pleasant surprise.
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Have you tried JESUS CHRIST?  JESUS will be your Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, and a Friend that sticks closer than a brother. He will also be your PROTECTOR. All you have to di is ALLOW JESUS to come into your heart by saying this SIMPLE PRAYER out loud to JESUS and really mean it.

Please say this:  LORD JESUS I know you died on the cross for me and I know that you rose again. Please forgive me of all of my sins. Please come into my heart and this very day I ACCEPT you as my LORD and Savior.

Thank you for forgiving me in your name JESUS I PRAY...AMEN

Once you pray this prayer ask JESUS to lead you to a CHURCH that believes in the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Start going to that church so that you will be able to grow in GOD .

I hope this HELP BUT WHATEVER YOU DO never lose hope!

I LOVE YOU even if I don't know you and I CAREFOR YOU. Please take care of your self and once you accept JESUS in your life by praying the above prayer find others that you know and bring them to the LORD as well

Take Care and May GOD BLESS YOU!!!

Sincerely,
Prophetess Wanda Davis
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Profile Photo by Gardiner ANGEL1000+ (1.1k points)   1 2
You have definately been through a lot in your life.

You still have a lot left to live too and you can do whatever you like with that time, only you know what you really want out of life but for sure it sounds like you want to be accepted and not alone and that may mean making some changes in your life.

Small changes can lead to some great rewards and we are all here to talk when you feel alone and need some support.

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The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
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Breathing Space (Scotland) at 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans (Ireland/ROI) at 1850 60 90 90
1life (Ireland/ROI) at 1800 24 7 100
The Lifeline (New Zealand) at 0800 543 354
The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
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