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Profile Photo by WILLIAMS (180 points)   1 2
Hey guys its 1am and im awake thinking to myself as i do every night.. The depression is getting worse i hate myself soo much more everyday due to my weight been unhealthy and i just dont like myself in general.. My relationship is falling apart on my behalf i know my fiancé of 2 years loves me so much because he is still sticking around and reminds me every day! But i push him so far i take my feelings my hurt my pain out on him mentally and sometimes physically. I hate living where i am i hate it so much but do not want to leave my best friend as her and her 3 daughters could not cope without me i have been here for seven years and im not the average best friend i wake up with the kids i cook lunch dinner every night i help bathe them i take them wherever i go i discipline them as they dont listen to there mum i do everything for those little girls and do not see much appreciation at all i guess i am the dad they never had but this is making me and my fiancé fight we have no time together we even sleep with the kids. I think i well i dont know what i want a do want to be happy but i cant without hurting others in the process and i have never been one to hurt the ones i love.. I am babbling so much all in all i have very severe depression that i have just been crying myself to sleep at night im sad and moody all the time and i just have no reason to be happy i really dont know what to do anymore.. Also im currently being diagnosed with pcos and cushings syndrome and possibly diabetes and i do not have contact with my real father as he abused us and my mum as children and has been in and out of jail since i was 2 have not spoken to him in 17 years it has been playing on my mind alot latley!! Also my 5 sisters are living there dreams they all have children (i cant) and they are just so happy.. Does anybody know why i feel like this any advice will be highly appreciated.. Thankyou
Country: Australia
    

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1 Answer

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Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (64.3k points)   7 11 38
My dear friend,

Thank you for sharing your story. I can tell that you are a wonderful person with a big heart.  You are like an angel to your best friend and her kids (though your best friend should not rely on you so much).

Maybe you need to search for a better balance between your best friend and your fiancé.

As you mentioned, you are diagnosed with pcos and cushings syndrome, and this unbalanced hormone is likely be the cause of most of the emotional problems you are having. I am sure your doctor is working with you on that.

I am not sure why you hate where you are living so much. There may be ways to resolve this instead of moving. Anyway, you should set your goal and try to make small changes step by step to get there.

I can see that you will be living a happy life just like your sisters. Please keep having the positive thoughts and don’t give up!

God Bless You!

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