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I am so lost on what to do about past debts and bills are pilling up. I am married and the only one working full time to support my 6months old, husband and myself. Last year i knew i would have to pay the $1,500 deductable to my insurance to have my baby so i sold my motorcyle and paid the medical bills only to find my insurance was messed up and now the hospital i delivered at say i need to pay over $900 more because they applied what i did pay to past debt yet they will not show what those pass debt even where. Plus now i come to find i am pregnant again and insurance cost have gone up and i will need to pay another $1,500 deductable on top of the $900. i don't make enough to cover all of my bills, plus food (have you ever considered 3 spoons fulls of peanut butter lunch because that all you have to eat?), diapers, and gas just to get to work. i thought/ tried getting a second job but haven't had any luck. Everytime i try to get my husband to go out and get a job he shuts down emotionally leaving my feel alone and more lost. He then also then avoids me and our child for hours and smokes (which cost alot too)  non stop because he says he is stressed? Another reason he doesn't want to get a job is because he owe unemployeement over $6000 due to his ex falsely claiming it and then turning him in. i know there is no body who will ever be willing to help a no body like me so i guess i am just looking for some place to vent my stress before it kills me.
Country: usa

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2 Answers

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Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 60

You are NOT  nobody. You are strong mother and wife who is trying to keep her family together. We are going to go through this one step at a time and we will figure it out. Breathe =)



Check your insurance policy. Generally, when you have a deductible once you have paid that amount for the year, the insurance company is responsible for the rest. So even if the hospital applied that money to services previously owed, ,the insurance company would have to pay any outstanding balance.In most states by law you must be told specifically why you are being charged and for what... the hospital must tell you what services were performed and on what date. Talk to their billings department. You can also request how you want them to apply your money. Notify them that the $1500 was towards the birth of your child to meet the deductible and then let the insurance and hospital fight it out. Send them a formal writing that you were never notified of any previous balance nor were you informed that your payment would go towards said balance. And just state that the $1500 was specifically for the bill regarding the birth of your baby to meet the deductible, and you want a receipt reflecting it. Send the receipt to the insurance company. You can also negotiate the amount. Work out a payment plan for the money owed, if they can successfully show you owe it. Otherwise, you can switch hospitals and work out a payment plan with them (or even your current hospital) for the deductible. Many hospitals also have programs that help patients when they cannot pay their bill. You cannot be denied medical treatment due to inability to pay - that is fed law. You could also find a clinic - this depends on your state- but there are places that will charge little to nothing for prenatal care and delivery. If you are in California you can try St. Francis Medical Centers.

Past Bills

Call up your creditors. Renegotiate the debt with them. Depending on how much you, you may just consider bankruptcy. But it may be that you do not owe enough to warrant such drastic measures. One of your days off just start calling and ask what is the least they will accept to settle the debt as paid in full. Let them know you are considering bankruptcy. Many places prefer getting something rather than nothing and may knock it down up to 50% (sometimes more if it is an older debt). Look up the laws in your state. There is a site called stopcreditorsnow I believe and it lists the various laws by state. For example, in Calidornia a creditor cannot threaten to sue you in order to exact payment. This can incur a penalty up to $2000. You can use the law as leverage to fend the creditors off. Just because you owe the money does not entitle them to harass you. You still have rights. I would not advise bill consolidation as it looks just as bad as a bankruptcy on your credit and you still need to pay it back. If you decide on bankruptcy, legal aid can help you file at no cost to you.


Have you tried applying for any type of government assistance programs? 311 has info on the services you may qualify for in your state. Your state website may also have more information. You can make your husband head down to the welfare office and see what you can get. There is no shame. You are paying taxes, and your husband paid taxes when he worked. This is not a handout. At the very least you can get food stamps. Check too if there are any more affordable health insurance options. You can also try the following sites along with any resources provided by social services:


I am not sure what you may be considering regarding your new child. But if you want the baby to be born well and healthy then you need to figure out a way to mnimize your stress. You could lose the baby. At some point, you just have to relinquish control and trust it will all work out. All children are a blessing no matter how they come into this world, as Jesus' birth has shown. Take care of yourself please. You need to stay healthy for the sake of everyone.




0 votes
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 60



If he can prove that his ex filed a claim in his name fraudulently, he does not need to repay the money. I would suggest either you or him try to get a recording/text with her admission of guilt and fight it with EDD. He is entitled to hearing and appeal. Worst case scenario, he will continue to owe the money. However, simply because he owes it does not mean his wages will be garnered. I don't know what state you are in, but most states take the money owed from your taxes if you are getting a refund. And yes they can take your refund even if it is his debt. He can also call unemployment and work out a repayment plan, and this would avoid any garnishment of wages or any adverse review that would affect him getting a new job. He can still file for unemployment now (again it depends on the state) and the weekly disbursements he was suppose to receive will just go towards the $6000 debt. Once it is paid off, he will begin to receive benefits again.This sounds more like an excuse. The debt in no way prevents him from working. Check for government listings.


Cigarettes are a luxury. He doesn't need them, nor should you give him any money for them. You earn the money. Control where it needs to be spent. I doubt he will be happy about this, but make him see all the things you need for the baby. Show him how it all adds up and smoking is just too expensive right now. It is money that could be spent on diapers.You cannot deal with his stress on top of your own. I know you care about him and I am sorry he is feeling so down, but talk to him. If he doesn't want to listen, write your feelings out and give it to him to read. He does not have the luxury to emotionally disconnected when he is responsible for 2 babies. Let him know you understand how he may feel, but he needs to get passed it for the sake of his family. Maybe you guys can go for walk together in order to relieve both your stress. He can't simply be despondent and fall into a depression.



  1. You could rationally and calmly talk things out with him. Call unemployment and work out something in terms of the debt. Budget the little money you do have, and help him look for work.
  2. You could legally separate him. The family court in your county and legal aid can help with this. It means you are no longer sharing assets or your money. You would not have to file a joint tax return, etc. You guys can then also split up your exisiting debt, and make plans on payments for your future debt regarding your kids (i.e. hospital bills). This way your responsibility and burden would greatly diminish. Maybe you do need a break from each other. At the very least, you would have a little extra money from not having to support him.
  3. Divorce. If you feel things are not going to change then you are within in your rights to call it quits. This may not be what you want, but I mention it only so you can consider all your options. As a single parent, you may qualify for more government assistance programs, and you may find other resources at

Seek legal advice and wiegh your options. Really think things through. If he has become nothing more than a financial and an emotional drain, then is there really marriage? If you cannot even talk to him, how will the relationship work? You have some tough choices to make. But once you make them, everything will fall into place and you will have a better idea of what it is you need to do to get back on track.

Sorry for the long answer I hope I helped. Please keep me posted. BIG hug

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