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I'm a genius and ********, the two factors of my IQ are 128 and 80. Those two in tandem cause me to be unable to concentrate on anything then what I'm passionate about. I'm in summer school from failing English and I'm going to fail that. The kicker is how I know this is happening but can't control it. My own father can barely look at me without a facade. He envisioned roles for me and my siblings, they all fit in except me. It's not my fault my brain is how it is, I didn't ask to be disgraphic. I'm constantly compared to my brother and sister when I didn't start on the same level. Someone like me doesn't belong anywhere. I'm afraid, I've messed up and am too far down the path. I know it was wrong to be in the tunnel but that doesn't help when the train is coming. I can't bring myself to tell my family my side, it never helps. I've let them all down. I'm so close to just ending it, just I can't bring myself to do it. Whenever I try I just hesitate and stop, my screwed up brain both ruined and saves me. I want to stop but there is no fresh start, even if I turn around it'll follow me. I just want an escape from it but death is all I can see.
Country: United States, Ohio
    

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3 Answers

+1 vote
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Tough call. As a sentient human being, we all struggle with the thought of our own mortality and wonder if the struggles that we are faced with  are causing struggles for those we love and if ending it would make life easier for them. The devastation of your life being over will leave them with more pain and heartache than you can possibly imagine. Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. Talk to them. You cant say they wont listen if you dont keep trying to get through to them.  Tell your father who you are. maybe he is waiting for you to do it. An unspoken challenge for you to say to him : I am who I am. Not what you expected of me, probably not what you wanted me to be, but maybe Im something better than all of it. you are basing your suicidal thoughts on things that you are assuming. Not conversations that have really been had.  There is a fine line between genius and madness. Your family isnt going to stand up for you if you dont stand up for yourself first. I hope this helps.
+1 vote
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You have the one thing that guarantees you hope. You're 17.

I left home when I was 17, and felt pretty much like you do. You just need to try a different path.

You're not your brother or sister; you're unique - we all are.

Not being that strong at English is hardly a reason to toss in the towel. I ****** at it and went on to graduate college.

Do whatever you have to, to get a GED, get out of high school, and then move on to a community college and start taking part-time classes in whatever you're passionate about. If you like what your're studying, you'll flourish and succeeed.

I did this part-time while working a full-time minimum wage job to pay for my own apartment (with roommates). Eventually, I transferred into a 4 year college and then graduated.

Don't give up. Part of my problem was worrying too much about other people's opinions. Follow your heart, follow your dreams and ignore the naysayers. Find some firends that are motivated to do the same thing and surround yourself with them. Visit a nearby community college and chances are you'll meet new friends there.

It doesn't matter how you start; it only matters how you finish. That may seem trite, but after 56 years, I feel qualified to advertise what I've learned to be true.

Believe in yourself. In the end, that's all that really matters. Be strong. You're not alone.
0 votes
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
No one fits a model perfectly, or seamlessly fits into a pre-set plan. Assert yourself and tell your parents you should not be compared to your siblings. You are all different and you are in no way in any kind of competition with each other, or with anyone else for that matter.

Einstein did horribly in school too. So what big deal? Talk to your English teacher. Explain your situation and ask what you can do to avoid failing. I used to negotiate my grades with teachers and college professors all the time. Usually they would agree to have the final be my sole grade. It gave me a challenge - I could focus on aceing the final, and most teachers did not think I could do it so they would agree. The system kept me out of summer school throughout high school. It gets better in college when you can pick the classes you actually want to take. You may also want to look into different schools designed specifically to keep you challenged and engaged. Have they done any further tests? There are things you can do to help you focus and do better. Talk to your school counselor.

Please... the world is the PERFECT place for you. Your disgraphic brain provides a unique perspective of the world and in the right conditions you make sense of what would otherwise be considered random chaos. Do what you love and continue to learn on the things you are passionate about, and everything else will just fall into place. Your father will have to understand. You are entitled to your own dreams and goals in life.

Please please do not do anything stupid. Death is not the answer. There is no coming back from death. Have you tried therapy at all? It can help. Talk to your father. Let him know how you feel. Talk to him rationally though, with no anger and don't be defensive. Keep in mind that parents do not have all the answers, and they too make mistakes. He is only trying to look out for you. Show him you can act responsibly and have an adult conversation with him. Maybe you could even ask your family to join you in therapy. You are only 17 - you still have so much to experience.... Give your brain a chance to reach its full potential  :) And go easy on the non-geniuses

I hope this helped and I am here if you want to talk :BIG hug

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