I'm 14 and I have a relationship with someone in his mid 20's

Question

Hi um I don't think I can talk to my parents about this. I'm fourteen and I have a relationship with this guy his like in his 20's... He's my tutor and he teaches me, he's good looking and smart. He's really nice and good with kids, that's one of the things I like about him. He's like a better dad then my father could ever be. It started one night when we were left alone in a room and he was helping me study. I'm so stupid that I asked him to help me in this solution so that he can stay close to me. He was warm and I liked how he made me feel. Then later on I sat on his lap and felt his *****. It just made me shock. Before I know it he stared at me and kissed my lips. I liked it but I knew it wasn't good. I stopped kissing him, but his hands were still wrapped around my waist and he pulled me even closer and made out with me even more. I tasted his minty mouth. He carried me to the table and I kept thinking how far would this go. When he was at my neck I told him to stop. He looked at me and he understood, he stopped kissing me and he kissed my cheek. We both fixed our clothes and pretended nothing happened. We still talk about what happened before and we hold hands sometimes. We talk about everything to each other. I have a boyfriend and he is my age but my feelings are messed up. Idk what to do, a part of me says it's alright but the other half says its not. I don't wanna like my tutor, maybe because he's too old and my parents what would they think. I also love my boyfriend I never told him about this but I'm thinking he already suspects. He always reminds me how much he loves me, but idk what to do.

Answer 1

At 14 you cannot begin to understand the danger of this relationship. You need to ask yourself some real serious questions, and maybe even ask him... Why is he using his position of authority (your tutor) to have you sit on his lap? You are not a little kid to be on his lap. It definitely was not necessary to teach you anything.  Why isn't he with someone his age? Someone in his mid 20s is definitely more experienced than you, and likely to be in a relationship. Does he have a girlfriend? Why is he looking to a 14 year old to "make out"? Do you honestly feel like you guys are on equal footing? You cannot have a relationship unless both parties can mutually consent to the relationship. You sound pretty mature for your age, but at 14 you simply do not have enough experience to actually consent or be in this kind of a relationship.

It is dangerous for him too. He will likely go to prison if you do end up having a relationship with him. No matter how much you keep it a secret, the truth will come out. I don't have to tell you the relationship is wrong or illegal. If you must hide it and keep this all secret, how can it be a good thing? When you love someone you want to tell the whole world? You can't even tell your parents. Are you afraid of their reaction? You know your parents best, but perhaps you should confide in them and tell them what happened. You do not want to like him because you know it is wrong. Generally age doesn't matter in a loving relationship, but that is not the case here. You can't consent to a relationship with someone who has such a huge advantage over you. The human brain does not fully mature until age 25 so your ability to assess right from wrong (let alone a relationship) is greatly compromised. With your boyfriend - its different you guys are on the same footing - learning things together.

It seems more to me that he is using your teenage hormones and curiousity to take advantage of you.It all seemed carefully planned and a bit forced and like he has done it before. He should have stopped when you told him (actually he should have never started), and again, you had no business being on his lap. Please tell your parents - I am telling you this as an older sister... if you were my little sister I would not want you anywhere near this guy. I am not saying you do not know how to handle yourself, but sooner or later his experience would win out. He should have never put you in this predicament. You are all confused now... You don't need this mental anguish in your life. You may share an attraction but you are by no means obligated to act on it. You will be attracted to men throughout your life, but you have to distinguish it from the actual feeling of love. Lust and love are two very different things. If you love your boyfriend, be fair to him. I am also sure that the guilt is eating at you ... maybe you should talk to him about it. It's not like you initiated the whole thing. I am here if you want to talk, and I hoped this helped. I hope to hear back from you soon. Good luck

Answer 2

Oh my goodness, you NEED to speak honestly to your parents, you need to tell them what situation you are in, they may get angry but it wont be at you and it will pass,  they will feel proud that you have been brave enough to tell them, honestly when your up front and straight with your parents things will get better.

Your tutor has crossed the line in your relationship, you need to take a BIG step back, this guy is sadly but obviously not right in the head, i have seen this kind of thing happening before and if it's not your head he's messing with it will be some other childs head, and i do mean child! they may not be as strong or mature as you, dont alow this guy to put anybody else into your horrible situation.

Im sorry to say but i can guarantee your tutor has no real interest in a relationship with you, he's using his "power of authority" to use you and get cheap thrills, dont allow him to use you or anyone else anymore, who knows how many other girls he's abusing, i say abusing because that is what he is doing, abusing you! even if you dont recognise it.

PLEASE PLEASE dont let him continue to mess with your head, at 14 you have enough going on without this kind of thing messing with you too. If you really cant bring yourself to speak to your parents then find an adult that you trust and tell them. Could speak to another teacher that you trust? Just remember that you have done nothing wrong, your tutor has abused his possition and you, your tutor is in the wrong and im sure as you grow up you'll realise just how wrong he has been

.We all have to be acountable for our actions in this life, as an adult he knows that. Please talk to someone and stop this situation happening again. Well done for sharing your story with up, it takes courage, use your courage and strength to make things better, tell an adult!

Always here for you xx

Comments

Hi it's me... I told him about us and well he was sorry about what happened. He never meant it he says. I told my parents while crying and begging them to change him for my own good. They asked why and I told them everything. My parents jaw literally dropped. Disappointed and worried on their faces, they wanted to talk to him about what happened but I didn't want anyone else to know but instead they have changed him to someone else. Thanks for your help.