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I dont know what to do anymore... Quite long Please help

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asked Sep 23, 2013 by anonymous  
I've self harmed for about 2 years, but I stopped for about 5 months... just about 4 months ago I started cutting again. I burn my legs as well but I don't wear shorts so no one has noticed. but they have noticed the cuts and scars on my arms... See I got into this huge fight with my friend about how she spreads secrets and how I don't tell anyone so I was like fine wanna know my secrets? I started cutting again. I've been considering suicide. I'm depressed... ect and shes like yeah we all know that you cut. we noticed. and I asked why they didn't say anything? and she said they didn't think it was important... I don't know what to do? Shes supposed to be my best friend... Todays been a long day, & well its sort of a long story.... it started back in grade 8, I was raped and was feeling depressed and started self harming but didn't tell anyone because I was scared. I was drinking a lot and smoking pot, and when my friend, the one that I mentioned on ***** found out I was drinking and stuff she stopped talking for me for an entire year and It hurt a lot and made me even more depressed and it continued like that until grade 10, and then near the end of grade 10 I stopped cutting told myself I was done, and then just about 2 months ago things just got too stressful and I started cutting again, I just finished grade 11 and I work all the time and I never have very much personal time and so I've been cutting and burning and I've started smoking again. and I couldn't tell her because I know she always tells me other peoples secretsand we got into a huge fight last night about how it was wrong of me to tell someone that she told me their secrets because I was breaking her trust and about how I know shes a trust worthy person and anyone can tell her anyways and that's when I told her everything about the abuse, being raped, about self harming about the thoughts of suicide, and she didn't care... Shes over dramatic about everything and then the next day just brushes it aside. I apologized for being a ***** and shes just said whatever . And I just don't know what to do anymore. My mom always reminds me about how fat and ugly I am and has threatened to kick me out and my siblings always remind me that Im fat and my father left when I was really little and my friend sorta just says oh well but she has everything handed too her. shes a spoiled rich kid... I don't really know what one thing is causing me to feel so depressed....
 go through weeks or sometimes months happy as ever going out to parties every weekend doing well in school, hyperactive, super artsy. And then one day i'll hit a wall. And everything is wrong. I dont want to talk to people i dont want to go out because ifeel like i could break down crying at any moment, thats the feeling im in right now. I dont want to go to classes i fake sick alot because i cant find a way to convince myself to get out of bed.  I went to the doctor but i didnt really explain how bad it really is and he thinks im fine but this has been happening since grade 5... i started self harming in grade 7. I'm 17 in grade 12. And i honestly just want to know whats wrong. I hate this. Also when i get into the depression mood i hate myself. Everything about me. My personality my looks.. just everything thats part of why i self harm because i feel like im suffocated... I just dont know what to do anymore... If you actually read all of this thank you.
Country: Canada
    

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1 Answer

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answered Sep 24, 2013 by anonymous  
You need to cut ties with the so called 'best friend' you have. Real friends do not act the way she has, real friends care about their friends. It might be hard, but you need to think about what is best for you right now, and that is surrounding yourself with the right people, who are positive and want to listen to your needs and problems.

You also need to tell someone the full story - not that 'best friend' of yours, as you said yourself she spreads gossip - she is likely to be doing exactly that about your story. Instead, tell the full story - everything to your doctor or school counsellor, someone who can offer actual, professional help that will suit your individual needs. This might be scary, telling some strange adult about your life, but if you really want to help yourself and move forward, then this is what you must do.

Finally, even though I don't know you, just your average Aussie girl who is nineteen years young, one thing I can definitely tell you is that everybody is placed on this earth for a reason. Everybody has a purpose in life, YOU are meant to be here. You are only seventeen years old, if you haven't figured out your purpose yet, then that's cool, I don't blame you, you're only young. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Maybe your purpose will be helping people in the situation that you're in now when you're older. Who knows? DON'T GIVE UP.

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