The good thing about what you've said is that you recognize that you have a problem and that is the begining of becoming a better person. You said that your boufriend and your kids deserve bette and that is true, but how about you? You deserve better too. I am alomost sure that as you were growing up you never wished to have your life going the way it is now. You have to fight for you,not for your kids or your boyfriend, I say this because if you are not doing good your kids will not do good either and every other relationship you are in will also be affected by you not feeling good.
I understand why you feel like giving up on all, I've been there before and I feel that way more often than not, but I don't give up; you can't give up either, you have little ones that love you and need you, they need you to be healthy, sane, sound, and vibrant. Think of the missery you feel, do you wish that on your children? I hope not. You don't like the way things are going and it's ok to feel that way because you know deep down that you are better than your current state of circumstance.
Please seek proffesional help to deal with your alcohol addiction, You deserve to give yoursel every chance and opportunity you can to make your life beautiful again. I suggest you get up every morning and tell yourself today I will be better than yesterday and if you drink only one glass less than you did the day before consider it as progress and encouragement to drink two less the next day. It took you a long time to be in the position that you are in today and in the same way that you didn't get like that over night, you are not going to be 100% well overnight either, but little by little you will get better and it will take time. The good news is that you have complete control on how long it will linger.
The fact that you can acknowledge that something is wrong shouldd be a clue to you of how powerful you are. You are way more powerful than you give yourself credit for and you need to know it, if you don't believe me just think of how wonderful your children think you are. They see you with love because they see their mom as the woman that she truly is, they don't see the alcoholic, they see mommy. You need to empower yourself to be the best mommy you can for you and for them. You need you healthy, they need you healthy. Love You.
Fight hard for you, be your own number one, once you beging to do better and feel better so will your kids and maybe even your relationship with your boufriend will spark again. You have to be an asset to yourself before you become an asset to others. You have to love you, love you, love you.
Something or someone bigger than you loves you with all it's got and that's the reason why you still wake up everymorning even thought you are ready to go. That higher power loves you so much that it gives you the power of opening your eyes and being alive every morning because it knows that if you'd only believe it and give it your all you can be cured of your addiction and have a wonderful life. You wake up because you have much more to live for than you give you credit for. Fight for your joy with all you've got. You desrve to get to know you as the best you that you could ever be, you've already seen your worse, don't you want to see you at your best?
I don't know you but I sent you all the love that you need to help you get thru this. Don't quit, you are your most precious possesion, fight for you.