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I've been married for more than 7 years, I have a precious 3 years old son that has autism. I've been in US for almost 7 years now. My husband was always the main provider. in the last couple of years he started to be physically abusive. emotional abuse is the worst for me, he's going crazy, trying to scare me. there were times where he was driving and speeding and threatened me he will make an accident on purpose. I'm very afraid of him, only recently started to tell somebody about it, because was afraid. a lot of times when we fight I get panic attacks, not being able to breath and shaking uncontrollably, my limbs and my face get numb, all my muscles constrict. he's telling me to not tell anybody, sometimes he takes my phone, my house and car keys, all my cards, puts password on the laptop and leaves me at home. he's telling me if i try to leave him I will be a homeless, he will take my car,my phone, and everything. also threatens me that nobody would give custody to a homeless mother. he's always telling me I would not be able to make it in life without him, calling me stupid, mentally ill and stuff.
I am a full time student going for radiology program, and supposed to finish school in dec 2016. I'm an A student, trying to get a good carrier so I'll be able to have a decent living for me and our son. my initial plan was to stick with my husband until i finish school, so he can support me financially in the meantime, plus he doesn't want to hear about divorce anyways, he says he loves me. I feel like I won't be able to hang in there until then, feel I'll loose my insanity.
I caught my husband many times cheating, porn and prostitutes were always a huge source of fighting. everything started 4 months after we got married and he told me he was cheating behind my back all along before we got married.
he's always up to something and if i confront him  he's going crazy, saying I'm stupid, and messed up in my head. once he kicked me in my stomach because I refused believing him that he didn't cheat. 5 min later after hitting me he starts crying saying he doesn't like to do this but I deserved it bc i drive him crazy with my accusations. when we fight he also hits our son out of anger, not bad, but the poor baby feels he's mad and wants only me to hold him.
last week I found out he's gay, after so many years finally all the puzzle pieces got together and I can see the whole picture. found gay stuff in his phones, his boss is gay, since he got this job he's in his own world , ignoring me and our son more than ever before, and now I understand why I had an almost sexless marriage. the thing is I'm afraid to confront him about this, I'll not be safe. so he doesn't know I know he's gay. we both grew up in church and he cares a lot about his public image. when we go in public or meet with friends he's always very sweet and nice with me, affectionate, trying to look good in front of people. his family approval was always very important, that's why i never told people what's really going on in our family. i see myself physically harmed if he sees himself threatened about people finding about he's sexuality orientation now. he was trying to hide it all along and that's why he wants to keep me as a cover.  
finding this right now I feel I have to leave asap. but where? how?? he's gonna want to make me harm in all the ways. 3 weeks ago he threatened me he will take my car keys so I will not be able to go to school to take my exam, so I will be dropped from the class, and consequently not being able to get into the program. my son is in a special needs school, that gives me time to study in the mornings, or maybe to get a part time job. but in the after noon I pick up my son from school and go with him to therapies almost every day of the week and we get home around 7 pm. my husband is not involved in our son's activities, he just takes him to the park occasionally. he doesn't even know where is his school. I'm also thinking that I have to pay babysitter, when I had a part time job last year ( but not in school at that time) I payed the babysitter more than a half of my pay rate per hour. so what I'm gonna do now? where I'll leave? he said he will take my car and my phone and not pay any bills if i decide to leave him. which will mean I won't have how to go to work and to school. Lawyer asked me $1750 initial fee to file for divorce, which I don't have. I'm also afraid of telling him about divorce, he's going planning to just file and he's gonna find out when he has to go to the court. which is gonna be even more worst. I need a restraining order, there's no way to stay around when he finds about divorce.
just to wrap it up, I don't know what to do and how to do it. I need to take a lot of steps but I don't know which once. I just know I have to leave asap.or should I try to stay with him 2 more years until I finish my school? my mind runs in circles trying to figure it out how to do it but I just see a dead end to all the options. my self esteem and optimism is kind of low, doubting if I will be able to find a job, to stay good in school and continue to be a good mom for my son. I just feel like Ill trade one problem with another if I leave. but the thought that he's gay makes it unbearable for me to stick around.
Thanks for reading, and god bless you!
Country: gwinnett

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2 Answers

+1 vote
I'm so sorry to hear how distressed you are, i'm asuming you are not very close to family or good friends (I know you said that your family live far away but I also mean close in the sense of reaching out to them for advice or help)

You have your son, HE will keep you strong. I have been a victim of mental and physical abuse myself many years ago for 10 years but finally managed to get away for the sake of my 2 daughters who were 3 and 5 at the time. It is fear that keeps you from leaving, it always seems like the obstacles are huge and against you, when in fact you just need to find the courage to tell the right people and open a few doors. There are ALWAYS ways.

I understand how important your studies are but it sounds to me like your safety and your sanity should come first my friend. Quietly and safely you need to find out about refuge, housing, help/benefits, protection and think about a plan.

You can only do this if you reach out for help in your area so that you can plan a route to a new life.

I contacted the homeless/domestic abuse and told them everything in confidentiality and when they found out the police had been involved and that I had small children they found me a house with a housing company within a couple months. I literally kept it a secret then loaded some things up when he was out and moved 2 towns away.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF. its not your fault. You deserve so much more for you and your son but you have to reach out for it. You have to believe in your own strength. There is so many that do, and have a wonderful life because of it.

I'm sending you all my prayers and am routing for you, God bless you.
Thank you so much for your answer. Never posted on a public forum before. So how exactly did you go and tell the homeless domestic abuse? Where is that? So would they help me without my husband finding out?
I'm so sorry u had to go through exact scenario. But looking back u know u did the right thing. U are right: fear is holding me back. Wooow and u had 2 kids...i contacted my church pastor, I'll meet up with him in the next days. As U said, God will open doors for me if i try to reach out to people.
U have no idea how encouraging your message was. God bless you and your family!
Hi again! I live in the UK and we have helplines for Domestic violence/abuse, I asume you have them too? You have to reach out to those proffesionals. We also have Citizens advice Bureau - which you can ask anything and everything about what steps you can take and how to get help with all of it! (If you go online you should be able to find info) - just ask google or your search engine to find help to escape abuse. I really really feel your heart, it takes guts to go - they make you feel worthless but honestly...I grew up in a violent abusive home, my father treated my mother and us so bad, so I picked a guy to marry who was the same!!!
Your son will learn alot watching this and its really not good for him. He will take his lead from one of you, either becoming very timid or becoming a bully. I want you to try and keep calm so you can think straight. There is a beautiful wonderful world waiting for you and your boy, you ARE worthy, you just dont know it yet.
I live a wonderful life now, self-employed, very close to my grown up girls, and aswer to nobody, again my prayers are with you and your boy xx
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Profile Photo by dolphin007 ANGEL24K (309k points)   7 7 12

1. Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me; Body of Christ, save me; Blood of Christ, inebriate me; Water from the side of Christ, wash me; Passion of Christ, strengthen me; O good Jesus, hear me; within Thy wounds, hide me; let me never be separated from Thee; from the evil one, deliver me; at the hour of my death, call me and bid me come to Thee, that with Thy saints, I may praise Thee forever and ever. Amen.

2. Prayer Against Malefice from the Greek Ritual

God, our Lord, King of ages, All-powerful and All-mighty, You Who made everything and Who transform everything simply by Your will. You Who in Babylon changed into dew the flames of the ‘seven-times hotter’ furnace and protected and saved the three holy children. You are the doctor and the physician of our soul. You are the salvation of those who turn to You.

We beseech You to make powerless, banish, and drive out every diabolic power, presence, and machination; every evil influence, malefice, or evil eye and all evil actions aimed against Your servant [name of person/s]. Where there is envy and malice, give us an abundance of goodness, endurance, victory, and charity.

O Lord, You Who love man, we beg You to reach out Your powerful hands and Your most high and mighty arms and send the angel of peace over us, to protect us, body and soul. May he keep at bay and vanquish every evil power, every poison or malice invoked against us by corrupt and envious people.

Then, under the protection of Your authority may we sing, in gratitude, ‘The Lord is my salvation; whom should I fear? I will not fear evil because You are with me, my God, my strength, my powerful Lord, Lord of peace, Father of all ages.”

Yes, Lord our God, be merciful to us, Your image, and save your servant [name of person/s] from every threat or harm from the evil one, and protect him/her by raising him/her above all evil. We ask You this through the intercession of our Most Blessed, glorious Lady, Mary ever Virgin, Mother of God, of the most splendid archangels and all Your saints. Amen!

3. Prayer for Deliverance

My Lord, you are all powerful, you are God, you are Father. We beg you through the intercession and help of the archangels Michael, Raphael and Gabriel, for the deliverance of our brothers and sisters who are enslaved by the evil one. All saints of Heaven, come to our aid.

From anxiety, sadness and obsessions, we beg You. Free us, O Lord. From hatred, fornication, envy, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From thoughts of jealousy, rage, and death, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every thought of suicide and abortion, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every form of sinful sexuality, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

From every division in our family, and every harmful friendship, we beg You, Free us, O Lord. From every sort of spell, malefic, witchcraft, and every form of the occult, we beg You, Free us, O Lord.

Lord, You Who said, “I leave you peace, My peace I give you,” grant that, through the intercession of the Virgin Mary, we may be liberated from every evil spell and enjoy your peace always. In the name of Christ, our Lord. Amen.

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