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I am scared and hopeless.

+2 votes
630 views
asked Nov 12, 2013 by anonymous  
I know I am not alone in dealing with stress/mental illness but I can't seem to get a grip. 18months ago my Dad died. A month later my Grandma who I cared for during the last 6 years of her life died.  My Mom has MS and heavy metal poisoning, then she had breast cancer twice [thankfully survived but the tamoxifin they put her on might have caused a different cancer that she is now being tested for]. My boyfriend tries to help but in many ways adds to my stress. He is now also suicidal from the stress. I can't seem to function. I smash my head on the wall a lot lately because it is a form of pain I control. I am OCD and the doctor just wants to put me on Zoloft. I'm afraid of the side effects, given how much difficulty I already have living. I don't believe in god and I think it would be hard to find faith at this juncture. I hear stupid things like "god won't put more on your plate than you can handle" and I think it's a lie. I can't stand this suffering and I'm afraid to keep trying. All I have done is try my best for years and the result is the same. I am tired and sad all the time. I tried to be an optimist. It isn't working out because the reality is stark and I have no energy to keep trying. I'm afraid of everything. I thought going back to school would help but I feel like the extra commitment is sinking me now. I feel like a failure and I hate myself. I don't have any friends and I just want my life back. I don't know what happened. I'm confused a lot and I don't think there is help out there. The last time I tried to get help in a hospital for my mental illness, I was chained to a bed, ignored for 12 hours and then force fed drugs before I was allowed to leave. The drugs didn't help and the experience made me unable to trust the system. I'm really scared. I had so much potential and I feel like it is all a waste now. I don't know what to do.  Can anybody help me to see that life is worth living? Can anybody understand how bad it feels to try so hard yet feel like a complete failure?
Country: Earth
    

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5 Answers

+2 votes
answered Nov 14, 2013 by anonymous  
Girl, just take a deep breath really quick. Now tell yourself it will get better. Now believe it. You said you don't believe in God, but I'm going to bring Him up anyway. He can help. I mean, what harm is it going to do to just give Him a chance? I understand where you're coming from. It's hard to see any kind of good with all that's happening. It may seem hard to see how there could be a God when all these bad things just seem to keep happening to you. Did you ever think, "Hey, there is a God, and why in the world does He still love me and bless me each and everyday even though I reject Him?" Before you say anything... Yes, you are blessed. You're alive. You have internet. You most likely have clean water and you probably had a shower this morning. You probably ate at least once today, or at least had the opportunity to. You have an education. So many people dream of this each and every day. You don't see all the good He is doing in your life. You probably want Him to stop all these bad things, but if you ask Him to stop all these bad things... He'd have to stop all of it, not just what you think is bad. He'd have to stop everything bad. That means getting rid of all of us because we think bad things and we do bad things, even if we don't mean to. All the people in your life would be gone if you wanted Him to stop bad things from happening. Pain is a part of life, but it's a lot easier to get through it when you have Him beside you because He knows what's on the other side of that pain. And what's on the other side of that pain is a beautiful thing. Don't give up before you start.

Even if you do still reject Him, He still loves you. Anything you have ever done, it could be the most awful thing in the world, He is still going to love you. He became human and turned himself into all bad things you have ever done in your life and took all the pain from each and every one of those things, was tortured and died just to know you and give you a second chance.

I hope it all gets better. I'll be praying for you.
+1 vote
answered Nov 14, 2013 by anonymous  
You sound like a very caring but extremely stressed and overwhelemed individual. I've been through a similar experience involving family tragedy then medication then distrust of the system. For a while I attempted to live with it but found it difficult to forget.

I found that two things helped me get back to normal: boxing and a support group. I bought a punch bag so i had an outlet for stress and anger and i found a local support group for drugs and depression. Just being able to let out all my emotions gave me a huge feeling of relief and now i feel normal again. Some of those in the group are now my best friends and that time of my life is through.
commented Dec 2, 2013 by anonymous  
Hi how are you? Im so sorry to hear this. I also know how hard it is to lose people you love. It sounds like you have tried tried to seek help threw the medical industry but this made it worse? I also had a bad experience with the medical system. The only thig that helped me was the same as above support groups. As there you can truly express how you feel with out judgement and listen to how other people worked threw there issues. I was also given that same comment about god and Im also not religious. I think a lot of people say things like this as they don't know what to say. In our society we are brought up to shy away from negative situations and to try and just get over them. But you cant just get over grieving. Also remember that you are feeling this way as grieving comes from love. I hope some of this helped and you are having a peaceful day big hug
0 votes
answered Dec 11, 2013 by anonymous  
im not going to tell you it will get easy and better, because right now its not and someone telling you it will get better? i dont know it feelslike i am being hypicritical because i hate it when people say that to me, like no its not you have no idea how hard it its but i want to tell you this  you said you lost all your friends its not you its them that are rooten human beings and i am truly sorry on behalf of them. but you are not alone you have God your havenly fathe. i know you dont know me but i want to to be a friend

my email is rebecca.anyieth@*******.com if you EVER want someone to talk to
0 votes
answered Dec 31, 2013 by anonymous  
to be honest hon it sounds like what you have to do is focuse on you now.  You have spent so much of your growing life taking care of everyone else, that you have forgotten about you. Just going back to school isn't going to do it, you have to look deep inside you and find out what you want, what you like to do, what you want out of life and know that know matter what bumps in the road you get you will over come them. Look at everything you went through as something you have over come and deep down make you stronger for anything that may come your way.  First try to find what makes you laugh, even just once, then find a friend that you can have coffee with or be able to call in the middle of the night, just because. Rather then when things get bad, look at the glass half full rather then half emty. it's not easy, it's going to take time. But the  one thing I always believed is that the mind is a powerful thing.  it's just getting your mind and heart to say it's ok I will get through this.
0 votes
answered Oct 14, 2014 by Rebbecca   3 6
Dear to whom it concerns I totally get how you would find it hard to hear that God does not give you more then you can handle. As being that you have gone through so much hurt that it's way more then you can handle. However that saying is true as God is not the one who has caused all the bad in your life. That is not his doing at all. As all good comes from God and bad from the devil.It says that in the bible. If God wasn't real there wouldn't be people like me willing to help anyone in need. As without him I am nothing. I was once really lost myself and thanks to God here I am happy and full of love to give. If you could just seek all the good in your life, you will see God at work.
I really believe the answer to your problems is belief, believe in God and he will make you happy. Look for those positive things in your life to and you will see.
From a friend

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