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+3 votes
I feel so depressed and alone. my friends are all at uni and my family are bad people, I am scared of them. I met a guy and we went out, we fell in love, we saw each other everyday but 4 months ago I find out he is married and the wife pregnant with child number 2. I am smart enough o know he will never leave them for me but it has left me so low I don't know how to get over it. I thought after this time I might feel ok again but I still feel the same amount of love for him . I have become sacred to leave my house , I hurt myself and now I think I should just die. no one would care and I wouldn't be missed , it seems the only answer left
Country: england

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11 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (63.3k points)   6 11 38
Let's face the reality:

This man lied to you, his wife, and his child. He gave you false hope, ruin your confidence, confuse your emotion... You already gave him your precious love and two years of life. Are you thinking about giving him your future and even your life at this time??

I am sure you would agree that it is not right, so please stop hurting yourself or isolating yourself. You need to move on with your life. Make new friends, create new habits, join new social networks, go to the gym, volunteering ...

The fact that you think you still love him and even care about his family shows that you are a caring and wonderful person. You deserve a great and honest man who will come to know you and love you in the near future.

Move forward ... Go to the gym today ...
+1 vote
Profile Photo by Polchies ANGEL3000+ (3.8k points)   1 3 4

I would like to help you. The feelings you are having are perfectly normal on some level. This man gained your complete trust and then he betrayed this trust. Finding out that he is married is hard enough, but, to find out that he has a child and one on the way is a totally different kind of break in your heart. A relationship between a man and a woman is special (husband and wife) but a relationship between a man and his children is unique and it is perfectly normal that you have overly sensitive feelings about the fact that he in fact has a family. However, you must remember above all else that he is the married one, not you. You were not aware of his marriage or his family, therefore this is in no way your fault. You were a victim to him. The key to getting over this is not to allow yourself to be the victim anymore. I understand that you are hurt right now and that you are no longer sure what to do with your life. This may seem like love for this man to you, however, I am almost certain that if you think about it enough, what you are calling "love for him" is in fact no more then a feeling of loss of comfort. You became comfortable with this man and he was reliable and a somewhat steady constant in your life. From what little you have said about your family, they don't seem to be the most reliable, supportive family, so, the fact that this man provided that sense of security and support for you would explain why you are experiencing the feelings of loss and not sure what to do. The most important thing right now is for you to understand the difference between love and comfort. You have taken that first important step to moving on from this horrible experience by reaching out for help and advice. I myself once found myself in a smililar situation. I was engaged to a man for 2 years. He seemed wonderful, he was a great step dad to my children and they loved him dearly. My entire family fell in love with him and I found myself finally trusting a man, which wasn't easy for me to do. We had a wedding date set and the only thing stalling our marriage was he was waiting for his divorce to be final from his ex (with whom he shared 2 children). Well, after having to change the wedding date twice and no news of the divorce being finalized, I finally started coming to the conclusion that I had had in the back of my mind for quite sometime, but, had never wanted to admit, That this man was still in love with his ex and that divorce proceedings had never even been started. And then one night after we had returned from a wedding dance, I used his cell phone to text a friend and let them know we had made it home safely, only to find an unread text to him from his ex. While reading that text I found the rest of the conversation, in which he had told her (his ex) that he was still in love with her and that he would always love her and that they belonged together. Upon finding this out I confronted him about it. He admitted to it and proceeded to tell me that he in fact had had no intention on divorcing her, he had never had any intention on actually marrying me and the only reason he had proposed in the first place was to make his ex jealous and to make sure I didn't go back to my ex, who I was still friends with when this guy and I first got together. After having been together 3 years this hit me like a ton of bricks. He crushed me and my kids were confused and upset. Now, although this experience left me with hurt feelings and a sense of distrust for all men, I still managed to overcome it and marry a wonderful man who I trust with all of my heart and who treats me like a queen. I trust this man with my life and I know that he is worthy of that trust.

I guess my point to you is that, although this man hurt you in ways that are almost too unbearable to comprehend, you can either let this experience define you with bitterness and hate and hurt and let it consume you and make you feel like you aren't worth anything, or you can choose to do as I did, and take this experience and use it as a learning tool and a stepping stone. My advice to you is this: God puts everyone in our lives for a reason. They are either meant to be there or meant to be a lesson learned. This man was obviously meant to be a lesson learned.

I want you to do me a favor. Every morning for 2 weeks straight I want you to wake up every morning and tell yourself that you are worth so much more then that man ever had to offer you. I want you to smile everytime you see yourself in a mirror. I want you to take 5 minutes everyday and think about how wonderful your husband will be and the children you and he will be blessed with. It doesn't matter if you don't have a guy right now, just to realize that there is a future there for you. This man who hurt you can not take your future. He can not take your happiness. He can not take your power to move on and be more then he allowed you to be. He has taken enough from you as is, stop letting this man and the hurt he left you with control your life. Hold your beautiful head high and know that you deserve so much more then a married man. He can't hurt you anymore and as long as you don't allow it, the exerience will not hold any power or control over you. Trust me, this feeling will pass and it will someday be replaced with a man who loves you and only you and who you will be able to trust whole heart and soul without question or concern. Now, doesn't that sound alot better then what you are currently feeling? My words of wisdom for you: The right one can be standing right infront of you but it is hard to see what is right in front of you when it is being blocked by the fog from what is behind you. Simple english? Once you let go of the past you will be able to see your future. Best of luck to you and I am always here if you want to talk.
A poem by rumi
The moment I heard my first love story, I started looking for you not knowing how blind that was. Lover don't finally meet some place, their in each other all along.
What the poet was saying is that Love is inside of us. Love is our essence
be in love like how you would get into a nice warm bath. Don't seek love out externally. Have the intention if love is what you desire then just forget about the outcome and have some faith and a person with the same intention will cross paths with you when your no longer looking for it because you found love inside you. Such an Important lesson to learn Be in love its inside you. so the people who know this are in love and are vibrating at a higher "love" level then attract others that vibrate at the same level as you.
Apply the model across the board. depression vibrates at low levels in this state the mind searches for people and things that vibrate at the same lower levels then this interaction confirms your state of mind or feelings of depression through your own intention. you write the script for your life you are the captor and the captive. My heart and my sole goes out to you. I was just telling a friend the other day that I wanted to do some volunteering to help where I could (intention) then just 20 minutes ago I came online and a movie i was watching had the word in the script within 10 minutes of watching. I then googled volunteering came across this site scrolled down and found you so all I can say is the universe or god or spirit wants me to be helpful and the universe is speaking to you now through me saying recover your essence who you really are. and where you look in in your heart between the gap of thought…Meditate
I hope I Have shed some light
+1 vote
Profile Photo by nelson (170 points)  

dear lost, lonley and afraid.

sometimes in life things do not work out we planned them at all, wether it is for the moment or for a life time. We all make mistakes. the man you fell in love with, ended up being something you probably never thought you would ever encounter. a married man with kids and more. you love him for what HE made you believe. so in all fairness you never actually loved the man you thought. now this in no way shape or form your fault, i do pitty the fool that did this to you. one thing i learned in my life is when something happens bad or good be thankful. better put it this way let say you ended sleeping with him and he got you pregnant, then 9months down the road possible him helping you all 9 months what. and then at the day of birth. he denies your child. has nothing to do with it or you and denies it being even his. then what happens next you take him to court for child support and his wife finds out, and then boom the bubble has popped and know you find out he is married and has kids. and you are struggling to provide for a child (not the childs fault though) you feel abandoned rejected hurt pain all the above anyone could ever was way better that it got out know then if something went like that. EVEN IN THE TIME OF TOTAL DARKNESS THE SUN STILL SHINES THROUGH!!!! i personally have thought and acted on commiting suicide commiting the ultimate sin for the redemption of no more pain. i wont lie the pain is real but if you can learn to channel the pain maybe not even in something productive but let say you hurt so bad because of this or that, then say i dont deserve that and this and give yourself the personal satifaction that you are you and noone change that, and noone can beat me so far down and i cant GET RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN. my father taught me and about the only one that ever taught me anything is that if you want to live make your own life but dont do it half heartedly do it with all your heart and do it all the way. parents family loved ones children friends they come and go in your life. the whole point of life is to LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE(FOR YOU) not what people say or or think just do what is best for you right for you and what you really want and where you want to is a link to kind of show you something you may not read it you may very well read it but take what YOU get out of it and use it to how YOU know how to. and remember just because someone did something that why and it worked doesnt mean it work for you the same way. i use to do what everyone else did. it end up causesing me to homless without a job family not caring begging for food land in prison. but i decided enough was enough. i held my head high and walk the walk i always dreamed about. people think sometime if someone wants to take there life the only think about themselves and there selfish. and i say to that **** right im selfish **** right its about me because im hurting im suffering i know that pain. but i said screw all of them i have to only prove that im worthy of myself and NOONE else but GOD. i took the sacrifice of having nothing so i could be HAPPY. and guess what it worked, i know own two businesses im in college im satified with my life know!! and even if i wasnt totally i do what I NEED TO DO FOR ME and go from there to get it ALL. here that link Always remember anyone can tell you what to do or what to say or how to feel BUT YOU ARE YOU and ONLY YOU know what you think how you feel and what you want. JUST BE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

+1 vote
I was in a relationship, not quite the same situation as yours, that left me feeling like you do. Used. It leaves you feeling worthless and rejected. I also still suffer agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house, essentially) after a year. It's like the fact that someone could betray you so much and delude you has you losing faith in everyone. Even mistrusting and paranoid, in my case. I met someone just a few weeks ago, a perfect stranger who happened to be giving me a pedicure. We got to talking and she had suffered a relationship like yours and now she is anxious all the time and unable to move on, even physically in terms of going out in public. She feels sick when she has to leave the house. Not because she thinks she'll see him in particular, but that relationship messed with her head so much so that she lost faith in people and feels scared, fearful - anxious in other words. What I am trying to say is that you are not alone, you''ve lost faith in people and I don't blame you. I did and am still mistrusting of people, What I have noticed though is that I have started to gain trust, not because of anything in particular, but because of time. Time heals all wounds, as they say. But, I should say that you have to let go for time to heal those wounds. It hurts so much, it's tremendously painful, I understand, but you do get through it, as cliched as that sounds. You know, you have to suffer the darkness to appreciate and feel the freedom of the light. Just take your time, don't pressure yourself or let anyone pressure or manipulate you, You can, and you will survive...and be happy. Just know when to cut yourself free and move on, even if it's into temporary darkness. The light will be there, I promise. Lots of love ***
0 votes
Profile Photo by datt (140 points)  
dear friend ,suicide is not a solution for your problem , take it easy and arise with the brave mind ,always pray to God surely you will find a solution , and take care of your health....! bye....
0 votes
I understand your feelings is truly awesome to get a soulmate and to feel the presence all the time  ,but just understand when a wrong person in your life can give you so much happiness and love...You just cannot imagine the extent of happiness and care what the Right person will deliver to you ...just wait honey let the right person move into your life and makes it full of blossoms and red roses! <3 :)
0 votes
Profile Photo by Anticona (140 points)  
I know that you are feeling depressed, lonely and sad. But also you have to remember that the only person that can make you happy is within yourself not in others. You have higher expections for a man in your life than a mere liar. If you give your love to this guy, try to keep this love back to yourself. You can use in the things that you love most, your carreer, job, family, friends. After that, you are going to realize that a real woman can overpass any obstacle in her life, and God  will be always with you because he made no mistakes in creating us.
0 votes
Dear to whom it concerns hurting yourself is only gonna let the ex win all the more. Don't give him that satisfaction. Also it is a good thing that you now know who he is really and that his not for you because now you can move on. Have faith. As once you got that the impossible becomes possible. Believe in God to help you find a mr right and to never want that horrid ex again. As ask and you shall receive the bible does say that and that is true to.
From a friend.
0 votes
U said your smart enough, u know what to do, and i believe your strong enough is wonderful.., no matter how difficulties you encountered, why just let it fly and by, if you learned the lesson  give your life a chance to live,  anyway, life is too short.., learn to let go the past, enjoy your present and savor the future.
0 votes
Hi, when someone lights your fire for all the wrong reasons you got to channel that energy into something that might be useful to you.  Don't waste your frustrations, get mad, get fit, get out there, get moving.   (positive!) Revenge is much more useful then wasting your energies on something so unproductive as that loser. Trust me, get mad and get even (figuratively speaking - use it to improve your situation).  You can't loose anything by trying. I hope that helps.
0 votes
Dear Friend,

There are always second chances in the world. You can find love elsewhere. If nobody else loves you, then you should love yourself. Find someone who you know loves you for yourself. You don't know how much your God loves you. Your life is worth it. You are going to find someone who loves and appreciates you all you have to do is go out and find them.

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