I would like to help you. The feelings you are having are perfectly normal on some level. This man gained your complete trust and then he betrayed this trust. Finding out that he is married is hard enough, but, to find out that he has a child and one on the way is a totally different kind of break in your heart. A relationship between a man and a woman is special (husband and wife) but a relationship between a man and his children is unique and it is perfectly normal that you have overly sensitive feelings about the fact that he in fact has a family. However, you must remember above all else that he is the married one, not you. You were not aware of his marriage or his family, therefore this is in no way your fault. You were a victim to him. The key to getting over this is not to allow yourself to be the victim anymore. I understand that you are hurt right now and that you are no longer sure what to do with your life. This may seem like love for this man to you, however, I am almost certain that if you think about it enough, what you are calling "love for him" is in fact no more then a feeling of loss of comfort. You became comfortable with this man and he was reliable and a somewhat steady constant in your life. From what little you have said about your family, they don't seem to be the most reliable, supportive family, so, the fact that this man provided that sense of security and support for you would explain why you are experiencing the feelings of loss and not sure what to do. The most important thing right now is for you to understand the difference between love and comfort. You have taken that first important step to moving on from this horrible experience by reaching out for help and advice. I myself once found myself in a smililar situation. I was engaged to a man for 2 years. He seemed wonderful, he was a great step dad to my children and they loved him dearly. My entire family fell in love with him and I found myself finally trusting a man, which wasn't easy for me to do. We had a wedding date set and the only thing stalling our marriage was he was waiting for his divorce to be final from his ex (with whom he shared 2 children). Well, after having to change the wedding date twice and no news of the divorce being finalized, I finally started coming to the conclusion that I had had in the back of my mind for quite sometime, but, had never wanted to admit, That this man was still in love with his ex and that divorce proceedings had never even been started. And then one night after we had returned from a wedding dance, I used his cell phone to text a friend and let them know we had made it home safely, only to find an unread text to him from his ex. While reading that text I found the rest of the conversation, in which he had told her (his ex) that he was still in love with her and that he would always love her and that they belonged together. Upon finding this out I confronted him about it. He admitted to it and proceeded to tell me that he in fact had had no intention on divorcing her, he had never had any intention on actually marrying me and the only reason he had proposed in the first place was to make his ex jealous and to make sure I didn't go back to my ex, who I was still friends with when this guy and I first got together. After having been together 3 years this hit me like a ton of bricks. He crushed me and my kids were confused and upset. Now, although this experience left me with hurt feelings and a sense of distrust for all men, I still managed to overcome it and marry a wonderful man who I trust with all of my heart and who treats me like a queen. I trust this man with my life and I know that he is worthy of that trust.
I guess my point to you is that, although this man hurt you in ways that are almost too unbearable to comprehend, you can either let this experience define you with bitterness and hate and hurt and let it consume you and make you feel like you aren't worth anything, or you can choose to do as I did, and take this experience and use it as a learning tool and a stepping stone. My advice to you is this: God puts everyone in our lives for a reason. They are either meant to be there or meant to be a lesson learned. This man was obviously meant to be a lesson learned.
I want you to do me a favor. Every morning for 2 weeks straight I want you to wake up every morning and tell yourself that you are worth so much more then that man ever had to offer you. I want you to smile everytime you see yourself in a mirror. I want you to take 5 minutes everyday and think about how wonderful your husband will be and the children you and he will be blessed with. It doesn't matter if you don't have a guy right now, just to realize that there is a future there for you. This man who hurt you can not take your future. He can not take your happiness. He can not take your power to move on and be more then he allowed you to be. He has taken enough from you as is, stop letting this man and the hurt he left you with control your life. Hold your beautiful head high and know that you deserve so much more then a married man. He can't hurt you anymore and as long as you don't allow it, the exerience will not hold any power or control over you. Trust me, this feeling will pass and it will someday be replaced with a man who loves you and only you and who you will be able to trust whole heart and soul without question or concern. Now, doesn't that sound alot better then what you are currently feeling? My words of wisdom for you: The right one can be standing right infront of you but it is hard to see what is right in front of you when it is being blocked by the fog from what is behind you. Simple english? Once you let go of the past you will be able to see your future. Best of luck to you and I am always here if you want to talk.