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female, thirteen and wanting to end my own life....

+3 votes
1,129 views
asked Nov 15, 2013 by anonymous  
I think I am depressed... I mean I can laugh and smile and joke about during the day but at night when I'm alone I forget how to to feel. I just... I freak out and I get so stressed out because nothing seems to makes sense  and I feel confused about the smallest things... I cut and sometimes starve myself or just throw up after eating but I KNOW its wrong I just, it calms me down and I rely on it, which is bad but I just dont know how to stop. I cant tell anyone because I am too ashamed of it and I dont want it to hurt them. I come from a family with an abusive alcoholic father and a slightly mentally unstable mother but that was mostly because of him but he left about 2 months ago and I thought I would be better after then but its gotten worse and I just want to die.. But I'm scared of dying, and I'm kinda glad because thats the only thing keeping me alive. I want to not exist, not to feel anymore. Help?
Country: Australia
    

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16 Answers

+1 vote
answered Nov 15, 2013 by anonymous  

im here if you ever need someone to talk to. ive been through a hole alot in my 28 years on this planet and wanted to give up way more then once. i will not judge you thats not my job but i will be here to let you vent help you if i can. my name is Jolene im a single mom of 3 kids, and you can email me when ever you want sweetie, jojonkids88@*****.com i hope to hear from you soon, because with some of the things you are going through ive been there, im a pro at fake smiling and laughing so no one knows how i feel inside, cause you dont want no ones pitty. but i will be here if you want me to as a friend or someone to just lison to you.

+1 vote
answered Nov 17, 2013 by anonymous  
Hello I am so sorry you are feeling bad. Your also at the age your body is changing so there is the hormone factor too. See a counselor at your school, they can help you. Also if your a member of a church talk to the pastor or minister, they will help you. Do not take your life you are so young you have your whole life ahead of you. Today may be bad but God could have something great in store for you.

I pray alot and attend church. God has helped me always to deal with my personal hell. It could just be a hormanal imbalence and seeing a doctor would also be a great idea. Get some blood work done.

I have prayed for you and I know if you seek God He will help you so so much. Prayer is free.

Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. I love you and so does God.

Take care my young friend
+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Nov 17, 2013 by justdavenow ANGEL18K+ (21,330 points)   4 6 15
You have gotten some great answers and support here and considering these things will help you greatly I think. I want you to understand that there is no need to try to tough this out on your own. Your mother needs to know what you're going through and that you need help. She is the one who can get you to a qualified therapist and because these people have seen so many situations just like yours, they can offer great ways to get your mind focused again on living a,peaceful life now that the house is more peaceful. My best to you, don't give up
+1 vote
answered Nov 19, 2013 by anonymous  
im not gunna say its easy but you got to speak out if not to your parents other family, friends, teachers anyone. Someone who can help, if you feel like this you have nothing to loose, right ? well, let me tell you, you have so much to gain i trust that you will get better pull back from this, im 14 but i have two people in my head ive been so close to doing it but now all i have to live for is way too much but a few slip ups is worth the pain if you got your whole life, which will inevitably drown it out. Im sure the other people who have posted will give you all the support you need, but im here if you ever want to talk to someone near your age group just message me. Im more than willing to try and help.And i cant judge you ive been there way too much to even bare thinking about be im here and so is everyone else just get help. My email: lolpik999@*****.com
+1 vote
answered Nov 20, 2013 by anonymous  
Hello. I'm 16 years old and believe me I was once in a similar position myself. When people say that they know how you feel 9 times out of 10 they don't, but I do. I only ever had happiness when I was with my boyfriend. Whenever he wasn't with me I'd lay in bed and cry over all of the problems I had. I had no money, no true friends, just Him. He supported me through everything and he kept me strong, if it wasn't for him I would have fallen to pieces. It sounds like you are dealing with this on your own so you're already a step higher than I ever was. You can achieve great things in life. Just because you're young doesn't mean that your feelings aren't valued as much as if you were older. Just stay strong. You weren't put in life to be unhappy
+2 votes
Profile Photo answered Nov 22, 2013 by Fillmore (270 points)   1
Hello My name is Gregory Fillmore. First off you have nothing to be ashamed of. I understand your father is no longer part of your life and your mother is very unstable, but that is your biggest reason to live. your mother needs you, because she has been through the abuse already, she doed not need the lost of child. Ok lets try something. Every morning write down five things that is special about living. do this five days of each week and then set a goal in your life two days out the week. Now this is seven days that you are focusing on living. Now every night tell yourself something that make you feel good ( Anything ) Now this is seven nights that you are focusing on your happines. Now take what your father done and then forgive him and then ask God to carry it for you. Now this is the moment you are also learning how to take away the weight. Today I want you to live and you have now just made a new friend. I am in your corner, my contact is gregory_filllmore@*******.com and I am here.
+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Nov 28, 2013 by Clark ANGEL500 (690 points)   2

i have some friends how do, and have cut... i know that you must be feeling lost and alone, but youre not alone... i dont eaqt properly either, i just, well, dont want to... i always think at night about what my life is really like... i goto bed really early because of my step mum, (she has to wake up early, so i have to goto bed at 9) and i just lay awake at night thinking... Its hard and always will be, my parents always tell me to eat, i try i really do, but i just cant, recently ive started throwing up involintarily. but, well, i know what its like, and hope things get better for you... i really do... email me if you want to...laugh

+1 vote
answered Nov 28, 2013 by anonymous  
how brave of you to open up to strangers, teenage life is difficult as it is! you sound like you've been through a lot, and please be careful about who you open up too especially on the internet as you are in a vunerable situation right now. i know your mum is struggling at the mo, she is probably still feeling a little raw after the brake up, and it sounds like you all need time to heal. i remember being in a confused state during my teenage years after my dad left home, its an unsettling and very emotional time, but i want you to know you will be ok and so will your mum. it sounds like you are reaching out to connect to someone, this is what i mean by you being vunerable as you could connect with the wrong people or sites. as a mum myself and being a single mum too, i remember it was very hard financially, psyically, meantally exhusting and after the truma your mum has been through shes obviously feeling a little clouded with her own worries. but all any parent wants especially mothers is for there child to be happy, i'm sure she may suspect that there is something wrong but not sure how to approach you or deal with this, adults get things muddle too, but you sound like a very intelligent person who is desperately looking to connect your inner feelings. you have your whole life ahead of you, this will be a blip in time compared to the life you will lead. my suggestions would be try really hard not to think such bad thoughts and when they creep in, dont let the thoughts pull you down flip it and conciously do something that makes you happy, listening to uplifting songs not depressing and meloncoly ones, they  create more bad feelings, then as with the self harming you are looking for a way to release your emotions, the one thing i used to do was write all that **** out on paper and just let it flow out like someone was listening, its a good way to off load with out hurting anyone, find some kind of creative out let- something artistic or musical dance sport anything just enjoy it and enter into your own world with it, it will become your haven. write a thankful diary every night and list 10 things a night and my final bit of advice would to be brave and speak to your mum, you both need each other at this time, seek proffessional help together so you can get back onto a better path. it may seem scary but it may just help your mum to refocus on what is really important right now, as soon as we know are kids are in distress us mums tend to put our troubles to the back and deal with putting our kids first. be brave and trust in yourself you are bright and young and full of hope and potential to become all you desire to be. be forgiving of your parents and be kind to yourself , you need to learn to love and protect yourself so you can be there for your children in the future, or anyone else who may need your help and advice in this situation. trust in god and take care, be strong sending warm blessings your way for your future. ***
+1 vote
Profile Photo answered Dec 4, 2013 by Knapp (170 points)   2


I'v been through most of what you've been through and its not easy but you will come out stronger and there has to be someone you cant live without or who doesnt want you to die and then next time you want to die think of them if you dont have anyone then think of me i don't care if i know you or not i know your an incredible person who desurves to be happy and i know that one day you will just keep your head up high and push on never give up and im also 13 so if it would help to talk to someone your own age then know you can ALWAYS talk to me. i hope that helped at least some.

0 votes
answered Dec 10, 2013 by anonymous  
I won't sit here and tell you things I've been through, but what I will tell you is that no matter what you do; harming yourself is the worst thing to do. Something that will help is getting a hobby! Try drawing or leaning an instrument! Go take karate classes and get involved. When you become a part of something it will help you and your own instincts will guide you trough your tumble of unfortunate events. It will take time for it all to work out but by doing something like drawing it keeps your mind busy! You won't think so much about the bad thing and you'll focus more on drawing, you won't even realize what it is you are drawing half the time. You need to know that you're never alone, and that just because bad things have happened to you; you're still your own worst enemy! No one else matters when it comes to what they think of you, other matter because they love you for who you are! If you talk to someone you care about they may be able to help you!

 

Keep smiling everyday even when it's hard too, it will trick your mind into thinkin you're happy even when you're not! And in time eventually your sadness will vanish... But it takes time...

 

Good luck , and keep your head up :)
0 votes
answered Dec 22, 2013 by anonymous  
Hi,

I know how depression can feel heavy and difficult to feel alive, I have sympathy with your experience as my father was and still is a drinker, i have experienced abuse from sexual, physical and emotional and all when in my teans, i now work in schools mentoring youngsters and inform about self harm etc.

firstly let me say it ok to feel how you do, its also ok to feel frightened, numb, alone, lonely because eveyone does, the brave thing you have done is express yourslef and start to ask for help, everything that is hapening is not your fault :)

see if you can find Nelson Mandela's famous speach called our greatest fear ? read the words and see how important you are to life, also remember that nothing changes unless you make it change, so continue to be brave, keep focused on the positives and remeber life is a journey and gets a lot better :)

 

Good luck :)
0 votes
Profile Photo answered Jun 2, 2014 by Stevens (290 points)   1

I know this is a little late, I'm sorry for that, I just made my account recently. I'm 12, and I used to cut and  still starve sometimes too. And also like you, haven't told anyone. Please, just hold on. It will get better! Suicide will NOT make life better, it will completely eliminate any chances of it ever getting better. One thing I do when I want to cut or get triggered, is I do things that I like to do that get my mind off of whatever I'm triggered to do. PLEASE stay strong. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

+1 vote
answered Jul 23, 2014 by anonymous  
hey sweetie you know what im 39 and i still can make no sense of this world but hold on in there you can get through this ,i have had similar problems all through my life with the whole self -destructive thing i now can do it without thinking about it  when things go good i self distruct because no one was there to help me i am now alone and lost everything i ever loved im only telling you this cause if you keep doing what you are doing honey your going to get into a cycle and pretty soon no-one will be able to help you ,Also snap with the whole abusive situation my mum is mentally unstable an as a child i had the weight of the world on my shoulders ,and this is why im reaching out to you honey you need support  you have done the hardest thing okay maybe online but you have admmited this problem you have,my mother use to bring guys home all the time diffrent ones at the weekend and try to commit suicide all the time i use to have to clean her up an look after her i had sisters but they were fed up of it an left it to me i couldnt wait to leave home i didnt know that at the time as you have so many emotions especially when you are becoming a woman i left at 15 an life was great for a while and it can be, or the way your feeling could simply be down to the time of the month i dont know if you know you have periods yet or not but some people suffer badly and you can go into depression there is nothing wrong with you sweetie lots of girls are going through this your not on your own you need  to really try to stop starving yourself i mean that is dangerous honey you know what i have been in the bottomliss pit at your age at my age now and a couple of times and i know its the worst old feeling you can ever had and my heart goes out to you you wont feel this way forever you relly need to go to the person you trust the most an tell them you feel like this and if you cant go to your parents then just talking about it will help and honey if you was my child an you told me you were feeling like that i wouldnt be angry i would be devestated and i would put my arms around you an do evrything i could to help you sometimes we make things bigger than what they are but you know the situation better than me so go to maybe a teacher you trust or family member or samaritans ,theres lots of phone numbers out there you can keep secret or stand up and be counted you do deserve to exsist honey everything god created is beautiful and is put here cause he made it with his own hands (now you think mom an dad made you  lol) oh no god made him and her to and they are special they have just had wiring problems that no need reflect on you honey i will pray for you an to let you know that when another prays for someone genuinley miriacles can happen  also are there any groups you can join in your community it may be hard but once you get some support and prays you will be okay someone once wrote to me an helped me once as someone above who cares x
+1 vote
answered Jul 26, 2014 by kat sutton  
HI BY THE SONDS OF IT YOU HAVENT COME FROM A STABLE BACKGROUND, but you must carry on the future is bright and soon when your older you will find love and have children who will love you, you an give them all you never had, sucide is a cowards way out and you will still be here on earth as its not your time, make friends and go out more, i too feel really down when alone but its your inner soul talking to you as your not in harmony with yourself. i woud go to gp get anti depressants, talk to a counciller and you will let a lot of load from your mind, the other problem is you are going through puberty which doesnt help as your hormones are everywhere i was like you too but my back ground was a bit more different to yours, you are a survivous and you will make a big life of your self, you have dreams make them come true... have faith in yourself and others will too. xx
0 votes
answered Jul 30, 2014 by Ann Warke  
Hello my darling, my name is Ann Warke, I read what you posted and want to let you know your not alone, Its not nice when you feel so low and alone and feel that no one can help you, especially at 13, I was your age once a long time ago and felt the same way and even today i sometimes feel alone, I want you to know that life is like this sometimes but it doesnt last, there is always something around the corner, there is help and all you have to do is ask just like you have on your post, I want you to also know you will be happy although it wont feel like it, you will be happy, I send you all my love and hope you will talk to someone about all your fears and be amazed when you feel them all melt away.
0 votes
answered Oct 14, 2014 by Rebbecca   3 6
Dear to whom it concerns you said you wanted to end your life but are scared of dying and that's whats stopping you at moment. Also try to see all the good in life even in a bad situation. It helps me a great deal. I also prayed that you gain all you need so believe and it will be so.
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