how brave of you to open up to strangers, teenage life is difficult as it is! you sound like you've been through a lot, and please be careful about who you open up too especially on the internet as you are in a vunerable situation right now. i know your mum is struggling at the mo, she is probably still feeling a little raw after the brake up, and it sounds like you all need time to heal. i remember being in a confused state during my teenage years after my dad left home, its an unsettling and very emotional time, but i want you to know you will be ok and so will your mum. it sounds like you are reaching out to connect to someone, this is what i mean by you being vunerable as you could connect with the wrong people or sites. as a mum myself and being a single mum too, i remember it was very hard financially, psyically, meantally exhusting and after the truma your mum has been through shes obviously feeling a little clouded with her own worries. but all any parent wants especially mothers is for there child to be happy, i'm sure she may suspect that there is something wrong but not sure how to approach you or deal with this, adults get things muddle too, but you sound like a very intelligent person who is desperately looking to connect your inner feelings. you have your whole life ahead of you, this will be a blip in time compared to the life you will lead. my suggestions would be try really hard not to think such bad thoughts and when they creep in, dont let the thoughts pull you down flip it and conciously do something that makes you happy, listening to uplifting songs not depressing and meloncoly ones, they create more bad feelings, then as with the self harming you are looking for a way to release your emotions, the one thing i used to do was write all that **** out on paper and just let it flow out like someone was listening, its a good way to off load with out hurting anyone, find some kind of creative out let- something artistic or musical dance sport anything just enjoy it and enter into your own world with it, it will become your haven. write a thankful diary every night and list 10 things a night and my final bit of advice would to be brave and speak to your mum, you both need each other at this time, seek proffessional help together so you can get back onto a better path. it may seem scary but it may just help your mum to refocus on what is really important right now, as soon as we know are kids are in distress us mums tend to put our troubles to the back and deal with putting our kids first. be brave and trust in yourself you are bright and young and full of hope and potential to become all you desire to be. be forgiving of your parents and be kind to yourself , you need to learn to love and protect yourself so you can be there for your children in the future, or anyone else who may need your help and advice in this situation. trust in god and take care, be strong sending warm blessings your way for your future. ***