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I've always been picked on, I've never felt normal, my father abused me and ruined my self esteem as a child, my mother is an alcoholic and I miss who she used to be, my older sister thinks I'm a pathetic joke, I developed panic & anxiety disorder 6 months ago and cant go out anymore so I sit inside and rot, My girlfriend of 4 years just left me and I still love her,  I just met my brother 6 months ago for the first time (he was put up for adoption as a baby and we found him), He then overdosed on heroine and died 3 months after we had met, he was the only person I've ever related to and I loved him so much, I developed tinnitus after a concert and it has persisted for a month and is likely permanent (constant ringing in the ear, no more silence). I am suffering severe depression, as I know I can never go back and have a normal life again, or a good one at least. I will never meet someone due to the panic & anxiety again. I have tried medication and went to the ER because of how severe it made my anxiety & panic.

I am a lost cause.


I am done, I am just done I can not ******* do this anymore. I hate everything, I hate the world, I hate whats popular, I hate myself, I hate people and how cruel and selfish everyone is, and how ******* miserable and cruel I can be to those I love.

I find no happiness in anything, I have no desires, no goals, no dreams anymore.  Now I have tinnitus so I can't even have a moment of silence to think things through. I want to die now. Just die now.
Country: america
    

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2 Answers

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Profile Photo by dixon (450 points)  

this sounds so heavy - you have had sooo much **** - and it is weighing you down

 

maybe today is a turning point? stand in a shower and imagine every drop being tears of God washing you clean - sparkling and loving you so deeply

 

then enjoy - each small item today - whether it is a clean towel - a warm pullover - a space in the clouds - a child smiling - just go out there and see each of these things

 

you started with some words 'I was created to suffer' .... well there is a hard truth - if you decide to believe it - **** you will suffer - you will be angry - you will see hurts and be hurt

 

or - you can choose - in this moment - to stop that belief ... and choose a healthier happier one? your choice

 

if I were you I would start with

'I choose to see all my life's experiences as a Divine gift of learning - and I choose to open to every opportunity to open to Divine gifts of beauty from now' - go write that down 21 times - each day for 21 days - open and trust

 

if you think - this is impossible - etc etc - then take a look at my website www.iancdixon.com - and read my story - it is impossible I am alive today - yes I was suicidal at one point ...

 

if you contact me there - and that is where I earn my living now - please say you come from here as I usually charge for my services

 

sending you a vision - close you eyes and see this ball of golden light coming into your room and surrounding you  - feel the warmth - feel the love - this love is so powerful it heals all :-) even if you doubt

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Hello My Friend!

DEPRESSION has got a choke-hold on your life! But just the fact that you are still here "fighting" is encouraging! Now you must not give up! Though your life has been a roller-coaster of circumstances, test, trials and sickness, you are still an Overcomer, a Survivor! Whether you know it or not you have a "will" to to turn this around. But you need to have the "tools" to do so. One great tool is the Name of Jesus! If you would seek to spend time learning about the one who created you; you will find your joy, peace and deliverance as your life situation takes on a brighter victory story! Stop giving the enemy a foothold through disobedience or some area of disbelief. Bring your concerns to the Lord and ask Him to restore you completely and watch how He will heal your brokenness, bind up your wounds and restore your life with beauty, love and peace! Just try Him what else can you lose? But your victorious life you could win! You are worth it. Be blessed.

God' servant,

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IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL 911 ( 999, 112, 111, or ... ) OR GO TO YOUR NEAREST EMERGENCY ROOM.

If you or someone you know is in an emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please also call:
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SUICIDE IS NOT A SOLUTION | DO NOT PREDICT YOUR FUTURE | LIVE IN IT
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