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I want to take my life. I feel there is no way out of my situation.

+1 vote
asked Jan 7, 2014 by anonymous  
Everyday for the past year I have contemplated suicide. I learned that I was pregnant on November 30, 2012. I had been in a relationship with my child's father for a year and a half at that time and I we had been living with each other for nine months. I'd been using birth control but I still ended up getting pregnant. Against my better judgment and my ex's wishes I decided to go through with my pregnancy. Our relationship went south when I was about four months. Not wanting to be a single college student struggling to raise a child, I and not wanting to have to deal with my ex (our relationship was horrible, he was verbally abusive and put me down alot) I wanted to place my daughter for adoption. I felt that this would be the est arrangement for my daughter. I wanted her to grow up in a two parent household, and have all the advantages that I knew that I could not give her, and that it would also be best for my future. I informed my family of my intentions, and they did not support them. They felt that I was giving up on my child, that she would be going to strangers who could not love her the way that I loved her. They said that if they I were to do that that they would not condone the decision and that they would also be heart broken. I felt forced to keep her even though I did not want to. I did not want to disapoint my family any further than I already had. They already felt as if I'd thrown away my future. I had my daughter on August 2, 2013. While I love her, I do wish I'd aborted her or given her up for adoption. I knew I did not want her and I was trying to do the right thing and do what was expected of me but I feel like I've failed. I failed for moving in with my boyfriend, for getting pregnant, for messing up my future. I am a college senior with a 3.6 GPA and a strong leadership background having been in Student Government Association. I feel that I have embarrassed and failed myself by having a child out of wedlock. On top of that my ex lied and told everybody our daughter wasn't his and I had cheated on him and was not there during my pregnancy. I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of it all alone. He barely steps up now and has entered a new relationship and has gotten this girl pregnant and is there for her. And its rough having to still deal with him for the sake of my daughter, when I really just want him out of my life completely so that I can move on. I am struggling to finish my degree, make childcare arrangements, and I honestly just want to end it all. I'm tired. I did not want to keep my daughter. I knew what I was up against and I knew that this situation would not have a positive impact on my life but a negative one. I just want to escape it all. I used to be so happy, so positive. I looked forward to my future now I dread it. I don't have anything to look to. I feel like used goods, like I won't ever have a successful relationship with anyone and I'm damaged goods. And the nasty lies that my ex spread about me does not help. I feel worthless. Because of poor choices that I made I feel like I'm forever going to be suffering. Some mornings I wake up wishing I would just die. And there are times when I want to act on those impulses. I feel trapped. And I feel like taking my life is the only way out.
Country: United States

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3 Answers

0 votes
Profile Photo answered Jan 7, 2014 by HOPE ANGEL24K (60,840 points)   6 11 36
We all made mistakes ... it is how we grow ... to be smarter, stronger, and more successful ...

You said you are a leader at school. Will a leader abandon his/her teammates and supporters (your five months old daughter, parents, friends, and others who care about you) and escape from challenges? Do you want to make them suffer for the rest of their lives? What will a true leader do??

There are real solutions to your problems. You can solve them one by one with the help from people around you. To clear your name, do a DNA test, and demand his support (find a lawyer, if you need).

You do have a future. A future you can control. It may be quite different than what you have planned, but it may be much greater than you can ever imagine ...

In five years (2019), you will pick up your daughter from school and realize she is the most amazing gift to your life ...


Successful people are just those who make the best out of their mistakes ...

Leaders never lose HOPE


With Love and Best Wishes

commented Jan 8, 2014 by anonymous  
Have your parents help take care of the child. If they wanted you to not put her up for adoption then they should help with taking care of her.
Don't involve your ex until your daughter shows some interest him and then allow her access. She will find out when she is old enough what type of guy he is. I wouldn't ever tell her she was not wanted from you or your ex.
commented May 3, 2017 by Peggie  
Agree I have an unwanted child as well and partner wanted to keep him so I left then alone and moved on. Best decision I could make at that time.
0 votes
answered Jan 10, 2014 by anonymous  
Hi, I felt so overwhelmed reading this that I had to reply and say something to you.

I've never been a parent or been in a situation like this but I do know what it feels like to loose hope and feel that everything you try to accomplish in life is always knocked back somehow.

I've made some bad choices in my life, the people I've fallen for, the friends I've hung out with in the past but I want you to realise that everything can change and I mean that. One day you might find like I do, that you want to achieve something that day but other days you might not want to face the world because all the pressures of life can feel like their piling on top of you but I want you to know there is always hope.

Don't be afraid to stand on your own and do what you feel, people can tell you how to be and what to do your whole life but you can make choices that can make changes, influence people, help people. Nobody in life is right, there is no wrong and right and everyone is making mistakes and learning from them.

You have the most precious gift in the world, you've given life to something so fantastic and you can be an amazing person and amazing parent. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball that you weren't expecting but sometimes this can be the making of someone.

I will tell you that my mum recently died from lung cancer at the age of 49, she was my best friend in life, no one will ever replace her, no one will care about me the way she did as a mother. Your child will feel the same for you, you will be an angel in that childs eyes so please don't let life get you down.

Even if your family don't support you and the father doesn't want to know, all that matters is what you want and what you want for your child. There are organisations that can help you, get in contact with a womens refuge, or maybe just join a baby class, or nursery to meet other mums, you're not alone, and lot's of mums will feel the exact same way as you.

Please take care of yourself, I just read this and just wish I could be there to help you.
0 votes
answered Jul 7, 2016 by anonymous  
I read your story, you are a Strong women. Fight.Hustle.Never Give Up.
When you think about you daughter remember she's here and just see the light in her, the light of innocence all children have. From you're story you've gone through a lot of things no one should face. I have two girls and while their mother treats me like dirt and tells me that I have no use in this world. I live for my kids. fight for my kids. You sound completely capable of doing this. Love your child let her know her mom never surrenders never backs down. You may not want to keep her putting her up for adoption is fine also,(sometimes you got to admit when you need help) and remember there are people in this world people like me, who'll help support you. (My family stopped having my back many years ago) and then you discover sometimes you make your family people who love and support you. YOU CAN DO THIS. don't end your life Fight and when you got no more in the tank you Fight some more. And as for that so called Man who tried to break you down. He can't win. people like that don't win in this world. You have proven how strong you are and you CAN and WILL rise above. Love defeats all , pain,sorrow,hate, and the darkness. Don't give up, never surrender.

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