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I am 20 years of age living at home doing a very demanding job for not alot of money what i do earn goes to my mum to try and keep a roof over our heads but does not seem to be enough i am still trying to come to terms with my rape years ago and my childhood which has left me feeling un wevy of love so i just sleep arpund to try and feel something i have no one i can talk to the one person i can is a block from work who i ahve major feelings for but he is in love with his girlfriend. i am so close to ending it all but i cant leave my mum and hurt her that way. were do i get the courage were is my guardian angel?????
Country: united kingdom

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1 Answer

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Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59

I am so sorry what happened to you. I would urge you to get professional help, if you have not already. I think you are still dealing with alot of self-hate issues from your rape. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. But I cannot begin to imagine how vulnerable and raw the experience has left you. I understand the need to feel another human connection, but maybe sleeping around is not the best way. I am sure afterwards you do not feel the best about yourself. If you really feel the compulsion to do so, please be safe. Please know that you will always have a forum here to share your feelings, and there will always be someone here to listen. You don't need to sell yourself short to get a little attention. And you can share as much or as little as you feel comfortable.

I think you answered your own question... Find courage to carry on in the love you have for your mother. You already love her too much to hurt her by ending your life. Let the bond you two have together give you the strength to continue. Life is hard, but it will not always be so. You know your feelings best, but I think you may be confusing the feelings you have for your friend. He probably is one of the only guys you trust and since he has been nice, I see where you could think it is love. Even if you do love him now, I think if you give yourself a chance you will find a great guy who will love and cherish you as you deserve. It's just right now the situation surrounding you makes everything seem so hopeless. It isn't. You are young, and you sound like a very good sweet person. Life will get better. Try to think that all this will make you a better more loving, understanding and kind person.

I completely understand your frustation with work and supporting your mom. I help support my family too and for years I stayed in an awful job because of it. It will get better. Try to continue your education so you can get better paying jobs in something you actually love. You definitely need to do something fun to relieve the pressure. ... Just take a deep breath - you are stronger than you think. I am sorry you had to grow up too quickly. Please remember that you can always talk to me if you need it. You are not alone. I hope this helped. Write back if you need to :)

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