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+2 votes
Im tired of this life. all the pain i go through every day. i have such a war going on inside of me part of me doesnt want to be show as weak. the other part just wants to let go to see old friends again. i get mad so easy at times i could just snap and end it all. but then that other part some how manages to pull me through but im getting weaker. i have been fighting this for 15 years now. im not sure how much fight i have left. only the strong survive right.
Country: USA

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3 Answers

+1 vote
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
I am sad that you feel this way. Do you have people around that are close to you ? if you do are they helping you, and how would it leave them feeling if you did give up the fight.
You say you have been fighting this for 15 years, is this a health issue ?.
Most of us are weak at times, but you cant just give in, you must fight.
I will be here if you would like to tell me more. I think with the right help you could get strong again. Message me back if you want to talk with me. I care about you.................Faith
i have a few people around me but i hide things very well in there eyes i am strong. no its not a health issuse its just everything from bad relationships work everything. also i dont like to let things go i bottle them all up inside. everything that i have ever done wrong or didnt do that i knew i could but didnt for some reason, i feel like i have this monster inside my chest thats trying to get out but its got no place to go. i get so sad when i see things that i just dont want to be here. i dont like large groups of people they make me paranoid. i do things like i will yell at some one for nothing then i will feel so bad about it. it just breaks my heart. im sorry that im babbling like a idiot and probley making no sense. i do not like to be a burdon on people. i dont like to show that im weak no i dont show that im weak there for there is no one to help.
Rember live twice for tomorow!!
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
Hi again, thanks for replying.
You have a lot of energy trapped inside of you, but you don't know how to use it , so it comes out in as you say when you "yell at someone for nothing".
Babbling on, you are not.That's what we are here for, if you feel that you can let some of those inner feelings out on here please do,it's not hurting anyone. You need to get help in finding a way to release this pressure you have inside. If I can help in any way, I am here for you.

One thing I will ask you, and that is do you do any sport or physical exercise?,  I ask this because it is a release of tension and can leave you in a calmer frame of mind.

You say you are strong in their eyes, maybe to strong for your own good, try letting your guard down a little. Let them see the real you a bit.
 As for large groups, I don't like large groups, so I tend to avoid them as much as I can.

You have answered your own question when you said
 "i don't like to show that im weak no i dont show that im weak there for there is no one to help".

There is someone that can help if you want them too..........YOU........try talking to someone about how you feel,on here with one of the Angels if you want, and you will be surprised how sharing your inner thoughts will help to take the pressure from you.

Never say never,

I will be happy to be here for you if you wish. I care about you....................Faith
thank you for trying to help i belive im beyond help at this point. i now look forward to death wether its something or nothing i dont want to feel this pain any more. all thats left to do now is get everything in order and find a way to do it.
what your doing here is a good thing. i must go the boat man awaits
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
Hi, please don't say these things. It makes me sad that you are feeling this way. There has to be a way to get you through this feeling. please talk to me. You have to talk this out and I am happy to be here to help you.
Just talk to me. tell me what you feel. What have you been fighting for 15 years ? I want to try to help you. Please get back to me.............Angel Faith
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
hello, could you message me back and let me know how you are feeling please,you was feeling down and I was concerned about you, and I havent heard back from you, and I do care.   faith
hey im still here alot has gone on since the last time i sent a message. i have found out that i am sick dont know with what yet i should know in a few days also my wife and i are calling it quits. im so down that  i get upset when i cant decide what movie to watch. im not sure where to go from here. im at a loss
Profile Photo by faith ANGEL22K+ (22.4k points)   3 7 35
Hi, I am so glad to hear from you.
I can begin to see now what your have been keeping bottled up. I can understand more the way you are feeling. Will you please keep me up to date with your health issues as you say you will know more in a few days.
You will be feeling down, and upset over you and your wife calling it quits, that is normal.
Let me tell you. When my partner didn't want me anymore I was devastated for months,and if anyone said "you will be alright in time" I could have ******* them on the nose. I was at a low like you and felt I had no future to look to. Then I had an angelic experience that changed everything for me. I was saved by angels, and from that moment on I started to get my life back. I am telling you this so you know I know how you feel also to let you know that your angels will also come when the time is right to guide you.
I am hoping that now you have opened up a little to me you will trust me, and feel you can share more with me. I don't know your name,but I feel connected to you.
If you cant decide which movie to watch, let the movies decide for you. close your eyes and select whatever your feeling tells you, then you may also find an answer to some of your questions by doing this.

Where you go from here is forward, but one step at a time. Don't rush yourself, let things fall into place slowly. This time is hard for you, but I know you have the strength to pull back.

As I have said, and I do mean it, I am here, let me share your pain, let me share your thoughts , let me be your friend.       Angel Faith
+2 votes
Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (63.5k points)   6 11 38
Dear Anonymous,

Fail is not a sign of being weak, as long as you don’t quit and keep fighting (for your dream, for those who care about you … and your life).

You are not supposed to fight all by yourself. Therefore, please don’t try to hide your problems/feelings. Tell your friends; ask for advice/help from others (especially professionals). Every problem has more than one solution, you may not see them, or you choose to ignore them, but they are there waiting for you to discover. And people around you would love to help you to find better solutions.

You are right. Life has never been easy for many of us, some of us may not survive, but none of us should choose to die!!

Suicide is NOT a solution. From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely urge you to find the real solution to your problems, to share your feelings with others, and to seek help from professionals. If you need to talk with someone on the phone, here are the numbers: 1-800-273-8255 or 1-800-784-2433

May God Bless You!
+2 votes
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
You have no right to decide when your life should end. How dare you say you are beyond hope?! Deep down not even you believe it. You wouldn't be here otherwise. Cuss me out, tell me I don't understand but I'm not saying this to be harsh. I say it because I care. Life is hard; life is pain. But remember it could be worse. Have you read some of the posts here? Be grateful you don't have some debilitating illness. Be grateful that at least your problem is within your control. You are the key to fixing it. Im sorry if this may not be what you want to here, but you are the solution to your problems. Focus on the good in your life and let go of the past. It's in the past, you can only change your future. Use your pain to turn it into something good. Use your suffering to become more compassionate and help others. I would suggest volunteering. I can tell you from experience that you will feel better and realize that your life does have purpose and meaning. It is selfish and cowardly to want to end your life when you can so easily make a difference in the world. You sound like a very intelligent and reasonable person. Don't give up.

For whatever reason you have so much rage pent up, you need to vent. I don't know if you are just mad at life in general, or if a specific incident triggered it. Either way, you would greatly benefit from professional help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It is not weak or cowardly. It is only weak if you refuse to seek help because you fear what others may think. I know it can be hard to ask for help. I have been there, but know that you are STRONG enough to accept you have a problem and realize you can't do it alone. It's ok. No one will think you are weak, especially those closest to you. Believe me. I'm very good too at hiding my problems from friends and family, and thought as you did. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems; I didn't want to seem weak. But when I finally asked for help, I immediately felt better. No one thought I was being a baby or weak; instead, I got the support I so desperately needed. It also brought me closer to friends and family.

Try and remember that you would not wish death on loved ones. So what makes you think that taking your life would be ok? You say you hurt for having lost people in the past. Think of that hurt, and realize that you will be inflicting the same pain on others if you selfishly decide to take your own life. I am sure you would not want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone. I hope you realize that death is not a solution; it will only add to the problem. There are people with cancer and other deadly diseases who cling to life and don't lose hope. You may think your situation is hopeless, but it isn't. Don't lose hope. Life is worth living. If not for you, for others. Again, I strongly urge you to seek therapy. No one need know, and remember that sessions are confidential. You can also always come here and vent your frustrations. It is perfectly normal and human to have fears, to be angry. But don't let that fear and anger dictate your life. You are strong enough to continue the fight. Hope this helped ;)
the thing you should understand is that even those with cancer may not have had such experiences that take the motivation and will to live from them. Some things are worse than losing your health.Id rather have cancer and die happy with what i believe I love and which makes me happy. Happyness can be a choice but when you choose it, its never the real thing.
Profile Photo by goodwill ANGEL24K (33.8k points)   5 12 59
No my friend. Choosing to be happy does not in any cheat the emotion. You are suffering from your type of cancer. It is a real illness and you need help. There is no shame in asking for help or in attempting to be happy. Every fake smile has a little bit of truth - for the briefest of seconds you must convince yourself you are happy enough to do it. Dying surrounded by loved ones as you say is not the romanticized notion you may think. Fight for the will to live. Sometimes all we have is the pain and the struggle. Again, I am not trying to be mean or telling you to just get over it and move on. If only it were that easy. You are going close to 20 years with your battle, and who wouldn't that break? We are here for you as I am sure are your loved ones. Don't shut them out. Please continue to find your happiness. Who cares how you got it? It is a million times better than the darkness you now feel. I hope i hear back from you.

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