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I am a 41 year old woman I have been through much abuse all my life. I was raped by my father and uncles for years, beaten and abandoned by mother. Placed in foster care beaten and abused. I never recoverd I just moved on. For years I put on a facade like I have no heart and no feelings that way no one could hurt me. But now I have noone. I'm in a relationship that is toxic, I was fired from my job' I'm going through and eviction and I have no money no family PLEASE I DON'T WAN TO DIE.....BUT I'M TIRED OF TRYING AND I JUST DON'T HAVE THE WILL TO KEEP GOING. WITTHOUT HELP I PLAN TO GET MY AFFAIRS IN ORDER FOR MY DAUGHTERS AND FRIDAY FEB ´´ I PLAN TO BE DONE.....NOONE SEEMS TO SEE MY PAIN AND I HAVE NO MORE OPTIONS.
Country: usa
    

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4 Answers

+1 vote
by  
Hey

       I don't know your name and I am not livng your life, right now, but I have gone through sexual abuse and rape by a    family member as a child, I have been through a physically abusive relationship and a seperate abusive marraige plus other stuff , I had 4 small children who I was raising alone and I was drowning, I felt like I  was in a black tunnel with no light or end, which resulted in me believing that I needed to get my affairs in order for my chldren and take my own life. I believed that there was no other way out and that my suicide would be best for everyone...

That was way back in 1989 and I was 33 years old. I am now 57 and I have to tell you that I am so glad  that I didn't take my life back then because I have had such a happy life since then. Don't get me wrong, it hasn' all been wonderful and I had good days and bad days for a long time, but  slowly I learned to take life one day at a time and then little by little I leared how to live again. I did not become rich in the monetary sense, but  I am richer than any "rich" person because I have seen my 4 children grow into great people and I have met my 2 grand-daughters, who are both beautiful and I had a 5 year relationship with a man who was the most caring and considerate man that I have ever known.

So you see my frend, there may be so many things waiting for you in your future that you may never know, experience or appreciate if you take your life. You need to know that your life is a precious gift, that you are a unique wonderful human being, and that there is another way.

If only you can learn to take one day at a time then you will eventually learn to live life again. I am here to help you if you will let me in. My name is Rebecca and my email is bellasmam@live.co.uk please feel free to get in touch with me if you want to and lastly but not leastly keep hope in you heart.

Your friend Rebecca
0 votes
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I know EXACTLY how U FEEL! I AM SO SORRY! I TRULY KNOW YOUR PAIN. I am facing the hardest time of my life. I am unhealthy and so depressed :'( I hope it will help u to know that i read your post and i could empathize. I do not have any friends. I am very lonely. I am female. 41 years old and i could write a book.
+1 vote
by  
Because you are strong, you still breathe air, and drink water, and God put you on this planet for a reason. You have survived the slings and arrows of most outrageous and nasty fortune, and your life CAN ONLY GET BETTER, but you can make life better for others, by showing empathy and care. YOU are best placed to help and to understand because you have been in the darkest place, and come out into the light again. Go take a walk, sweetie. Breathe deeply the air and give thanks for it!!! you will be amazed how strong you will feel, with that good air in your lungs. Walk tall. Do not let those who hurt you WIN.

I believe in you.

If I was able to reach out and cuddle you, take you inside my arms and be the mother I should be, I would do so.

We all have stories and pain in our past lives.

Take it from one so much older, and not that much wiser than you - you cannot do anything about what happened except survive it, use it as a tool to make yourself stronger, and go forwards aware that others need your arms about them. Others need to feel that you make their lives safer....

It is what I learned from someone much wiser and calmer than me, when I wanted to end it for me and those who hurt me......I walk in the light now. I SEE a future, even at facing 63.

Even if you do not believe in God, or trust in His existence, believe in yourself.

YOU are a beautiful woman! You are not soiled, damaged or dirty. Those who harmed you, are. And it is their consciences which will punish them, later, if not yet......smile, be strong, and give the love inside you with caution but with joy!!!!

I will light a candle for you before I go to bed, in my single room, and probably hug you to sleep too :}

Wish I were closer

Sandra
0 votes
by  
I have no family either, and I want to bring you and your daughters into my life.

IS there some way I can help? Can I send you some cash to get your life back in order?

Can I get you a flight to UK and bring you to live with me - a new start - as my adopted family?

let me know what I can do to help you - a regular payment into a bank account if it would assist you

liaison with someone over there, or maybe take a flight and come help you physically to sort things?

I am a woman of 63 in April.

Not rich. Living on my pension, retired from work, and willing to do whatever I am able to help you if

it will give you the strength you need to provide for your daughters and not quit on yourself or them.

talk to me

tell  me what you need.

I am here : Sandra (baijos@outlook.com)
by  
I want a fresh start... I want a chance to reinvent myself and feel at peace. I want to see what life really has to offer me other than lonliness and dispair. I want someone to tell me that they will help me cause I don't know what else to do on my own. I want to leave here and be free!

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IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, PLEASE CALL 911 ( 999, 112, 111, or ... ) OR GO TO YOUR NEAREST EMERGENCY ROOM.

If you or someone you know is in an emotional distress or suicidal crisis, please also call:
The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Domestic Violence (US) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
National Sexual Assault Hotline (US) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Victims of Crime Connect (US) at 1-855-4VICTIM (855-484-2846)
Boys Town (US) at 1-800-448-3000
Dial 211 (US) at 211
The Trevor Project (US) at 1-866-488-7386
GLBT National Hotline (US) at 1-888-843-4564
TRANS Lifeline (US) at 1-877-565-8860
Crisis Text Line (US) Text START to 741741
Samaritans (UK) at 08457 90 90 90
Mind Infoline (UK) at 0300 123 3393
Rethink Mental Illness (UK) at 0300 5000 927
Breathing Space (Scotland) at 0800 83 85 87
Samaritans (Ireland/ROI) at 1850 60 90 90
1life (Ireland/ROI) at 1800 24 7 100
The Lifeline (New Zealand) at 0800 543 354
The Lifeline (Australia) at 13 11 14
NGF Hopeline (Philippines) at (632) 804-HOPE(4673) or 2919
Visit Befrienders for other countries.

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