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How can I stop this hurting anymore?

+1 vote
295 views
asked Mar 21, 2014 by anonymous  
To cut a very long story short, I met a guy who I liked and trusted last year. He changed me so much until I was isolated from everyone; I felt constantly alone and as if he was the only one who 'got' me. He wasn't anything like what I thought he was... He controlled when I slept, when I ate, who I saw and truly how I felt. Looking back I feel so stupid, he used every trick in the book to groom me into something that was easy to take advantage of. He was so much older than me but still saw no issue in driving me into the middle of the forest and 'enjoying me'. Thinking of it makes me tear up. I'm so ashamed. Eventually my parents noticed something was up. Thank goodness they did. Without wanting to sound melodramatic if they hadn't I don't see me being alive today, he made me hate myself so much, all the while I felt like he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He was a paedophile. I was an idiot. Now after an 8 month police investigation he has finally charged with 3 different things. Still the thought of him makes me shudder, and now I'm supposed to stand up and testify against him. I really don't know if I can; the thought of standing up in court and being cross examined scares me so much, but the thought of him ever coming back scares me even more. My selfharming has been the worst in over 4 years because of this. How can I make life easier and live with myself?
Country: england
    

2 Answers

+1 vote
answered Mar 22, 2014 by anonymous  
selected Mar 22, 2014 by HOPE
 
Best answer
Dear Lassie,

You were taken advantage of; you fell for his whiles and pewrhaps at first thought you had found someone wonderful who loved you.  Then it all changed into a nightmare.  

Something similar happened to me long ago.  The difference was he was only about the same age as me,  my parents never found out how I was controlled and abused and beaten, and it never got to the police or court.  After four years of it I ran away to the country to escape him, and because my pain hadn't been resolved as yours is going to be, I fell into almost the same trap over again with someone else!.  it wasn't until many years later that I finally told my parents what had happened. It took a long time for me to forgive him or myself, but finally I realised that I did not need to be a victim.  I could learn from the mistakes of the past and with God's help, start afresh.

Now after many years I can see that God has been with me all through my life, helping me to grow stronger and at peace.  Now I realise those were not wasted years of torment, but a valuable education in life, and that I can feel empathy with others who are going through similar traumas.

I encourage you to stand strong in court, no matter how weak you feel inside. If you tell your story truthfully and clearly, you may save some other poor girl or girls from suffering what you have suffered.  If you back down and don't testify, then you may leave him free to harm others like you have been harmed.  

And don't let bitterness or anger in, or be vindictive - just tell the palin, unvarnished truth, no matter how hard.  You will grow stronger by going through with it and come out a better person on the other side of the pain.  Instead of bitterness, feel pity for this man who has hurt you and ruined his own life too.  After all, what has happened in his childhood to cause him to become the person he is, and to act this way,  I wonder. This might sound really hard, but if you can forgive him in your heart for what he has done to you, then he has lost all power to hurt you ever again.  If you don't forgive, he wins, if you do forgive and get on with your life away from him, he has lost and you have won.  

I am praying for you, that you will feel God's comfort and strength, and that His (God's) peace will fill your heart as you go on to a whole new life, free of the past.  Go, Girlie, go!  You can do it!
0 votes
answered Oct 13, 2014 by Rebbecca   3 6
Dear to whom it concerns have faith baby. Have faith that God will be there with you and for you every step of the way when you go into that court room. I prayed for you to gain all you need so believe and it will happen. As you deserve all the blessings God can give to you. Please don't hurt yourself don't give that horrid man the satisfaction for that's something he would want. Remember all the ones who love you and think of how they feel if you harm yourself that helped me to stop hurting myself a few years back.
From a friend

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