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+2 votes
I have severe depression , I had it since I was 7. Its been getting worse, now a days I rather stay asleep acting like im Dead than deal with the mental abuse from myself and my family as my significant other. Sometimes I pray to god begging to die almost everyday , I Lost all faith in everything and everyone . I even contemplate suicide agian... since last time didnt work . I no longer have trust for anyone .. and its probably because of the mental and phyiscal abuse of my relationship . I blame myself for being cheated on and now i understand the saying "dont go snooping for something you dont want to find " Cause once you find out that you been manipulated , unloved with falsified love .. you become hollow or atleast I have . Ive been told i need to know my place and to be honest I dont Even know where my place is.. im in love with a Liar, Abuser ,manipulative person. I found out my Fiancee as much as he says he "Loves Me" has been cheating , texting, socialmedia , flirting in public behind my back with girls for the 2 years we been together. So I decided Im ready to Make a brave decision tomorrow and thats to overdose on pills when everyone leaves out tomorrow , so I wont have to worry about being hospitalized . I just want to be free from this Toxic Life , World and Being. Death is freedom to me no more worries i dont care if I go to hell anymore or if God will be disappointed in me . Because how I see it if my God truly loved me i wouldnt be in despair , giving money to man to make him stay with me and love ir to even change myself to satisfy others. So Im prepared to take my life officially 14 years have added to this.. the only thing good about this to me is at least ill be 21 forever even in Death . I Had a good life for most of the years of being alive to a certain extent . Imnot afraid anymore Im Content and Happy with my decision . I wont have to feel numb anymore , I wont have to cut myself anymore for punishment of not being perfect or good enough , or starving myself for days straight.. . I cant wait to be released from this depression. No one can help me or understand
Country: California

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24 Answers

+3 votes

I myself have deppression(Diagnosed at eight, High-functioning autism or aspergers(Diagnosed at nine.) and ADHD (Diagnosed at seven.) I'm a writer or I want to be. I contemplated life and death. I wondered if I'll ever fall in love (oddly I'm nineteen and never have. I was born on valentines day which just makes my life my life sound like a ****** romance novel.) I have prayed to god to kill me. I lost count at a dozen times. 

I learned something that I think will help. 

When you think you have lost all meaning in your life, You think your life is worthless, and yet you stil refuse to kill yourself. You are keeping at three good qualities probably more. You are displaying willpower by staying alive. The universe can't stop you. Getting out of bed shows that you are hopeful that today might be better. And finally you have faith that it can get better. Trust me it gets better 

When you feel like that. Just staying alive is a victory over the universe.

+3 votes

It is a WRONG decision.

I understand you have no reason to trust a stranger. However, since you have been making several wrong decisions since 7, you may want to listen and refrain from any further action.

Suicide is a permanent action for a temporary problem. Yes, it is NOT a solution. And yes, it is temporary considering the 70 + years of your bright future awaits.

Death is NOT freedom. If you cannot free yourself emotionally when you are living, death will be only a worse confinement for your physical body and spiritual self.

If you are really fearless ... Why are you afraid of showing your true self? Why are you afraid of facing this liar and abuser? Why can't you kick him out of your life? Why are you afraid of trust anyone? Why are you afraid of the future?

Pills are for those weak or sick. If you are truly "ready to make a brave decision", then throw them away. Stand for yourself; Fight for yourself; Find the real solution to your problems.

BTW, 21 is nothing comparing to walking down the aisle with your true love at 27; holding your baby for the first time at 30; attending his graduation at 52 ... Don't stop your time, a great future is waiting for you ...

The past is in the past. Please never lose hope for the future. Keep fighting!! Make the real brave decision to live!!


You are NOT alone! Ask for help!! Call the hotline NOW and have a private talk:

The Lifeline (US) at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
The Hopeline (US) at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
Boys Town (US) at 1-800-448-3000



+1 vote
please don't take your life. i know things are tough now but it won't be alway. please don't take your life we need you even though i don't know you. you have a right to live in peace so get rid of the devil and start living again with god. please don't take your life god gave you that as a gift.
+2 votes
Hey, I  just thought I might tell you the thing that helped me in my depression.  The answer is how to know God.  How does that fight depression?  Well, God said, "Without me ye can do nothing." John 15:5

John 3:13, "And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven."

John 3:7, "Ye must be born again."


John 3:6, "For that which is born of the flesh is flesh, but that whch is born of the Spirit is spirit."

John 4:24, "For God is a spirit, an they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth."

Romans 3:23, For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God."

Romans 6:23, " For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Jesus speaking,"As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father, and I lay down my life for the sheep." John 10:15

John 3:16, " For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish but have everlasting life."

John 3:17, "For God sent not his Son to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved."

"He that believeth on him is not condemned, but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed on the name of the only begotten Son of God." John 3:18

Romans 10:9, "THat if thou shalt cofess with thy outh the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

John 1:12, "But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name."

Ephesians 2:9,"Not of works, lest any man should boast."

And this is how I have God, so I can live.
0 votes
Profile Photo by Babez (140 points)  

I feel we all have hope in our lives even though it may be hoping for not the best choices. I say this because when i had seen this i was amazed you sound exactly like me and i felt how you did. It is very depressing and doesnt seem like it will improve but i hope that you will realize that life does get better even if it gets 10 times worse each step towards the happiness. Dont put yourself down so much i know when there isnt anything good in your life its easy to be like that but if god made you do you think he'd want you to have so much misery...I believe it is sometimes our choice to make our selves better as sometimes people cant fix us but we have to learn to fix ourselves. People may say that they cant see god therefore he isnt real but i also say why do we humans get so emotional at things that they break us because after all they are emotions we cannot see them...we feel them but cannot see them. If there was someoneelse in your situation i dont think you'd feel the way if it was for them because you simply wouldnt understand all of the situation. This may sound dumb but i dont know if i actually had depression i mean i have felt sad or sadder then usual but i dont know if its depression. Abuse is one of the worse thing that can happen to someone --_--. I know you will get through it because any women that has endured that is already strong not that other women arent but it takes great strength when you go through that situation. I know the feeling of losing faith in people but that's why you rely on god to guide you. I can tell you stories about how he has helped me and kept me alive. There is something so incredible in having faith in something you can't see. I had wanted to commit suicide too but i always thought about the people that would miss me and if that wasnt a thought it was how much i'd miss them even if i felt there was no love from them. I don't trust alot of people either. Why do you blame yourself ? well i believe that it is his fault because the same thing happened to me --_--. I don't dwell on it though I mean the thought of it makes me furious but THANK GOD i am not with him. It is true but I feel if there is no trust if they can't be straight up then i won't be with them.  You do become nothing because you think can anyone love me and stuff like that you second guess your self worth. Well i think your place would be somewhere your safe, protected, nutured, loved, cared for, listened to, comforted and stuff like that...basically you deserve the best why settle for anything less. I wasn't in love with the guy i was with but let me tell you it doesn't end well. He stays to cause you pain and the thing is he may stay forever or may leave. Basically thats what happened to me but i don't know why it mattered so much because he honestly didn't. Honey that's not to overdose it would be to say ok look i need to get out of this relationship, get away from my family, get a job - earn a living to support myself, find someone better. I know it might be hard but it is what will make you happy because your current situation is making you depressed. It is only toxic if you are around the people that make it so because people put stuff in our heads for us to believe them. Freedom is when you can breathe and not have to worry if what you are doing is wrong in the other person eyes so you avoid the abuse. It is knowing noone can hurt you anymore. You can change it but you need the courage to leave and then god will guide you to where you must go. There are places that help people in crisis or trouble. It's better that he leaves I fear for your life if he stays. Never change yourself you are you for a reason...People will love it some will hate there isn't anything we can do about it. You may have had a tough life but i don't believe that 14 years have added to it....There is alot added to my story but i try not to let it get to me. There is alot you'll be missing out on...For me i want kids in my future that's what keeps me going. You can feel numb with people that know what your going through that's how to cope i guess if your not willing to leave. The starving is hell. It never worked. It never made me skinnier. When i was younger i had a flat belly but i don't know what i had done because i have always been bigger and it is hard for me to lose weight so i starved my self to become thinner but it doesn't work. That's what you say that noone understands but yet i do... I'm really sorry if any of this sounds harsh it isn't meant to be. Good luck in the future XX

+1 vote

Hope you are okay, I am in the UK :) JUST WANTED to send you a rainbow hug....colour the world. Paint, dance, make music, write poems songs, heal your spirit.
+1 vote
Believe in that "living spirit" or whatever you want to call it within you, it is you... and you have your own power in you. switch ON that power can do it....."YOU are the captain of your soul".......don't switch off, ok.

This is how it works for me, friend.....
+2 votes
Hello Friend, You have so much more living to do! Your life is valuable and precious, unfortunately, enough people have not told you this or demonstrated it to you. But their is someone who loves you unconditionally. He loves you in-spite of your flaws, short-comings or Un-Belief and He always will. But first you must find that love once again for yourself, your "wholeness!" Right now you are broken. You need God's grace to enable you to pull yourself out of the muck of disappointments, de-valuation, superficial love and lack of power over your life causes brokeness. You can only be complete and whole if your heart is not being divided between blame and unforgiveness. Wholeness require you accept responsibilities for your decisions.God is God of wholeness! He wants to bring you into a state of wholeness, body, spirit heart and soul; so you can know real love, security, confidence, self assurance. Friend He will take all your hopelessness and exchange it for conquering power - a healthy whole being whose life could come together in order for your good! Healing for your heart, a sense of wholeness to your soul, and healthy relationships in your life. God loves so much and has forgiven you  - NOW forgive yourself and seek out the wonderful life He has just for you! Be blessed!

God' servant
+2 votes

I want to encourage you as much as I can. Here is something I wrote to encourage myself awhile back. It's simple, it's not perfect, but I hope it can help even if in a small way.

The Journey (Short Version)

By RS in Canada

Life is a Journey through time and space, one we can direct but not always fully control. On this Journey we can without doubt make our lives what we want them to be, no matter how hard this may sound. On this Journey, know what you want, have dreams, set goals, be realistic and just know they will come to be, they will happen, without any doubts. Know without doubt you can do it, you can make it happen because you can and will no matter how hard this may sound at this time.


Clean away all negative thoughts. Place failure and I can't far out of thought mind and heart. Believe that yes I can do this, Yes I want this and yes this will happen. Again always believe from deep inside, as if it has already happened, no matter how hard this may seem. We ALL have The Power no matter where we are at in Time & Space.


Along this Journey of life many people come into our lives, some for short periods of time, others for longer periods of time. Some are good, some are bad and some are in between. Some can inspire us, motivate us, Mentor us while others can bring us downand try to discourage us. Some will hurt us in various ways while others will become true and loyal friends that care and can make our hearts Happy.


Never give up on True Love for one day you will find it and it will find you, when you least expect it. When it does arrive into your life cherish it and cultivate it with all your heart, body, mind and soul. Know and appreciate how precious it is. Remember not to feel as if it's far away or never going ot arrive, these feelings will keep it far away. Just have confidence that at the right time, yes, it will come to you if you feel the warmth, the Love inside and that it will come to you.


Most important, never give up on yourself, only you, your creator and your faith can keep the ride going. Never allow your spirit to be broken and if it is, repair it now. Never ever give up on life or have the feelings of such because it will get better and when it does your richness of experience will become your strength as well as a tower of support for others in need along this Journey we call Life.

0 votes
Profile Photo by Wright (140 points)  
Hey, okay i understand 100% what you are saying. beacuse i feel exactly the same. i made this account so i could help people as i go through the same thing. Ive given up helping myself, now i put my life to helping others. i promise you, and listen when i say this; things will get better. you have a furture dont prevent it from happening. im 13 years old and ive attempted suicide 4 times all together first time i was 10. i have nearly killed my little brother. i understand your pain. and i am here 100% my email is: josielouisewright@*****.com message me and we can talk for as long as you want. i am determined to save you. even if i die trying. just remember you are beautiful no matter what anyone says. <3
I was going to put my words forward as I'm 34 and also tried to kill my self but could not put it any better than the above comment. however can also be contacted by email jodikite@*******.com and will also be there for you :) x there are so many people out there that care. we are blinded to this when we feel the way we do.....
0 votes

I aggree with the previous comment when the person stated :  "Just staying alive is a victory over the universe."  

I recommend watching this video, the way he talks to the universe it just... gives me strength. 

Hope it helps :

+1 vote
Profile Photo by Nik ANGEL500 (530 points)   1

Wow! this pains me to read this.I felt like i was reading me a year ago. Killing yourself will not solve your problems. I know it seems like an easy way out but it's truly not. I don't know you but I can tell that you are a very beautiful, smart, compassionate, sensitive person. You are NOT the reason your partner cheated or abused you. That is their problem not thiers.

You alone are enough, don't let anyone make you feel that you are less than that. EVERYONE has a purpose on this earth, You my friend have a purpose here on earth. God made you to his liking, made the hairs on your head, the shape of your finger prints, gave you a brilliant mind, all to his likings. The only one you need to worry about pleasing is God. He loves you no matter what you have done, said, thought. You are his child and you mean the universe to him. Try some positive exercises. Write in a journal and have only positive thoughts in it. I have a journal and all I write in it are inspirational quotes. Or when you feel like killing yourself force yourself to join a group or get involved in something. Obviously you don't want to kill yourself if you are coming onto here. Please know that you are enough. Don't let anyone make you feel less than that. YOU are loved much more than you think.

0 votes
Sometimes I feel the same… but wait just one day at the time, don't even think about life right now. I pro mess you have a purpose that doesn't depend on your significant other, or your family. Please be strong, help someone else, it is not over yet. I send you a hug! :)
+1 vote
Hi Beautiful Soul,

I know this experience can be hard and confusing. I know many have provided you with some sound advice via this site. I know that you are way more amazing than you realize! Your and all of us are part of the most magnificent one! With that said I don't wish to diminish what you've gone through…please know that all of our thoughts create our reality and with this truth you have drawn this situation to yourself. You are a light being and with that said you have SOOOO much to offer this world. Like you I have been confused for 35 years of my life. 5 years ago I somewhat awakened to feel and see beautiful angelic, spiritual and universal life forms and energies that are around us all. You are no different and have light friends around you waiting to guide you to joy, peace and harmony. The truth is we're so programmed the wrong way is not funny. Yet I know you have so much in you to offer this world and no matter what you have felt the or feel you and only you can change it. Again you do have much help but like most here have forgot and wish to think you're in control. Surrender to the illusions and find your spiritual self, we're all spiritual being period no matter what we think or feel. A part of you knows this and much more….your Higher Self and the Angels and Spirit Guides with you for this Journey. I too have felt like leaving here many times due to pain and confusion. I know I have a mission to help others and there is joy waiting for me should I seek it. No matter what know that there is always a spiritual solution to this problem you and many have because it's a spiritual problem, period.

I'm sending you much love and light and pray that you and those around you work together to get through this stage because once you do there is a special guy and more great experiences waiting for you. Pay attention to numbers you see everyone, songs you here, shows you watch, thoughts you have and know that it's your Angels trying to communicate with you.

Love and light!
+1 vote
Please Stop and realize that God LOVES you!!! You're not here on earth by accident. You were not a mistake. God formed you and created you. He wants to help you and he treasures you greatly. God has not abandoned you. Believe me, I thought that He didn't love me anymore, because "He" was allowing bad stuff to happen to me. BUT God was there the whole time! When we focus our minds and attention on this world and other people, we are bound to be depressed and miserable, because WE are sinful by nature and this world in Full of sin! Don't blame God, it's US (humans) who are to blame. We weren't created to live on this sinful planet, but to be in Heaven! If we put our Love and hope and money and all our energy into other people on this planet, those people WILL fail you! And If you try to live life on your own, you will Fail yourself! The Love and joy and hope and peace, etc., that you receive from God is eternal! Meaning it will never end! You just have to put your faith in Jesus Christ, Who DIED a painful and miserable death on the cross FOR YOU! because he Loves you. He loves you the way you are now and you can come to him. But he gave us free-will, which means He's not going to control you. you have a choice in this life. Either Choose God and Heaven or ***** and Hell. But God is standing off in the distance waiting for you with open arms of comfort. You have to decide. If you draw near to him, he will come to you. He is the answer to ALL your problems. He LOVES you. Don't give up on yourself or God. By Christ strength and power you can be set free from this bondage and prison your in. I PROMISE you, seek God with your whole heart. Open the Bible and read and allow Him back into your life. I don't know you, but I LOVE you. And I mean it. You have so much more to live for, God is right there. So you choose....choose not to let ***** get into your mind. Choose to make the right choices and Choose God! He wins! You'd rather be in Heaven than me. An eternity in Hell, is like never ending pain...and never ending death. It would be 10 times worse than what you're going through now. BUT if you'll choose Jesus, then he already has a place for you by his side in Heaven. In heaven there will be no more pain or tears or misery. Just decide for yourself. Don't expect God to control you and fix your life by force, you have to be willing.
+1 vote
You are so young, you can find peace in life by separating yourself from him. He is not worthy of you and not the other way around. I was in two abusive relationships, I went from one to another,  I was cheated on, spat on, kicked, punched and unimaginable things. I felt exactly the way you do now, I understand that you feel completely hopeless and you think that there is no way to go on because you cannot go on this way and you cannot go on without him. I have been there and I have felt that. I thought I could never be without my second abuser, my entire life revolved around him, every waking moment I spent trying to figure out if he was cheating and who it was with and in return I was abused verbally and physically. He told me I deserved to get raped and I left work went home and finished a bottle of pain killers. I have been exactly where you are but there is another option you can go on without him and become the person you want to be. You are stuck in this situation and you feel like **** because of him and the way he treats you. I felt that way for 8 years, I stayed and blamed myself for the things they did to me and I tried to commit suicide several times. I realized that I am better than that. I deserve better and you deserve better. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, who doesn't give you a reason to go snooping around. Someone you trust and love who would never lay a hand on you or talk down to you. Someone who supports you during these hard times. You are a beautiful human being and you deserve to be treated like one. You are not the reason he cheated, he is the reason he cheated and you need to be with someone who is not a cheater. You cannot marry someone who will betray you, you will constantly live in fear that he is cheating, you will be miserable and consumed by HIS actions. You can get away and you can live the life you want to live and be happy I promise you suicide is not the answer. If I had committed suicide I wouldn't be able to write to you today. please, live a happy life, a fulfilling life without this man and show him that you are better than the way he treats you. He does not deserve you, and you do not deserve to be treated this way.
0 votes
I can understand because I have been in 5 years. Past is past. This is just a tunnel and you need to see a light to become better. You are strong, forget the past, forget the present. You are here only to help yourself to feel better. Suicide is no solution to any problems. It only create problems in the future for your family, relatives and friends. Dump  you boyfriend and get a new one which will be honest to you. You need to acceptance. Good luck. Please stay away from any *****, drugs and so on. Plug in Korn on high volume and listen to it. Also try to find any material to make your happy. I think this is not your time. It will be when will become senior. Good LUCK and call the help line becasue where is always been help. I am just one of the helper who try share my own personal experience. Your are here for reason. This is not your time yet. Where is always HOPE. You just need to find it.
0 votes
Profile Photo by Jones ANGEL14K+ (15.6k points)   3 7 24
as the other angels have all said, please be strong and fight for your self. do not give up. ever. there are some people out there (im one of them) that give a massive **** about you, so when you say that God has given up on you, he hasn't. just read all of the concerned people on here that would do whatever they could do for you. it's maybe not a coincidence that our paths have crossed.

we can work through this together, chat, offer advice, one day at a time, just please email back and we can talk some more. I honestly believe we can get a big smile back on your face before you know it!
be strong.
0 votes
Profile Photo by HOPE ANGEL24K (66.2k points)   7 11 38

"Our importance is not only based on us partaking in The Light, but also because we all have an important task to fulfil while here on earth. As one NDEr put it: “No-one would be here unless we have a task.” "

"One task that NDErs seem to agree on is to learn about love. We do that in a world limited by time and space where we have to make our choices. Many NDErs will agree we have a free will and we are free to choose our way through our world. But since we are part of a Unity Universe our interconnectedness makes that everything we do has an effect somewhere else. All our actions, even the seemingly insignificant ones, ripple through the universe. They have an effect. They do something. They create. Actually, we create. We have a creative power through what we do and think. One NDEr said:
Everything I do has influence on everything.… Nothing is lost. It is a kind of law of conservation of energy. That is why we shouldn’t do to others what we don’t want for ourselves. Moreover, what we send, we’ll attract. We should also be mindful of our thoughts, because we create with our thoughts.

Through our choices we learn about love. From life-reviews we know that we always have many options in life. And the more difficulties we have in life, the more interesting the options become that we can choose from. It seems to be very beneficiary when we would choose for those options that bring love and peace. This means that it is best to act in accordance with our inner core, which is our particle of The Light. When we do that, we create positive ripples that travel through the universe. They have a soothing, healing, energising and/or inspiring effect somewhere, and it is bound to return to us in some or other form."
+1 vote
Dear to whom it concerns it is a comfort to remember and or know that God is not the cause of bad in your life but good. Good comes from God and bad from the devil. Even when bad happens there is good to we just have to look for it. Try looking at life in a different perspective like rather then seeing the bad in a situation look for the good. I  do that to and I have once suffered depression just like you to the point of thoughts of suicide and self harm. But I no longer feel that way. Because I look for all the good in things and feel much better. It helps me know God is there and his the one who cares. Also another thing that stopped me from suicide is the fact that what you leave behind is a big ball of hurt. Would you really want to die leaving a nasty mark like taking your own life to satisfy yourself instead of being strong and holding it out for you and loved ones.
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