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Have chosen to be alone and stay away from people. Every now and then, fear just creeps up like a monster. Whenever I fell ill, I was scared. If I did not get well no one would know. When I cross the road, I am extra-cautious because I knew no one would be there for me if I got into an accident. I am anxious about dealing with people. On the surface, I act normal, but deep down I am fearful like hell. They usually are selfish and unkind. I feel thankful to those occassional kind and nice ones. Some people I trusted recently betrayed me in big and small ways. I don't think I could ever make real connection with people again. You never know when they are going to attack you all of a sudden. A friend turns to enemy in a second. They turn your success into failures and fears. I would not go to counsellors at work because they may keep my info on record and that will bring consequences. Actually, I don't want to repeat my fears by talking because that would just bring up more fears. I don't want to cry before anyone but I did today. I regretted it deeply. I should not show any weakness. I don't want people to go silent because of me being sad. If they don't pretend to care I would not cry. I know some people would just be happy that I am struggling. They are laughing in their heart. I know these are my own issues and no one could really help. People around here are not trustworthy anyway. They keep telling me to get friends but at this age, it's not as easy as in teenage when everyone just hang out. And more connection with people means more confusion, frustration, betrayal and trouble anyway. There's one person who've been particularly kind, who is always helping me at work without making a big deal (sometimes secretly - I found out from others later). I actually like him a lot but I told myself to stop it because he has a family. So I run away whenever I can. We are good working partners but I have to run away to stay sane. If I keep staying away things will be fine. This message is messy, sorry. I hope I can stop the fears. Please do not tell me to pray or pray for me because I am not into religion. Thanks.

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1 Answer

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Hi there,

I've been in your shoes before. I suffered from depression and felt fearful all the time. Constantly had a thousand voices in my head and I didn't know which one to trust. It was the worst feeling in the world. If you don't want to see a therapist and cannot bring yourself to talk to others about what you're going through, can I suggest 'Cognitive Behaviour Therapy'? I studied it from a book and used it to treat my depression. It's something you can work through on your own time and comfort. Please take a look at this link and download the 7-step self-help course. I trust it will help you...

Warm wishes,


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