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Just feel really down and sad. Many bad things happened at work. No one can be trusted. I don't want to talk because I can't stop crying every time I think about the bad things. I don't want to cry in front of anyone. Everytime I think about the troubles I cry. I want to stop crying but it has become quite uncontrollable. I don't want to tell (my very few friends) because I don't want them to think how depressing and negative a person I am. I surely don't want to sadden their days or trouble them. It'd be unfair that they need to face unpleasant feelings when it is me who is getting the troubles. I don't wnat to pass the unhappiness on. I thought the caffeine in the tea I drank was the problem. But even after I switch to decaff tea and herbal tea, the profund sadness is still here. I'm tired, disappointed and heartbroken. The people you thought were your good work partners just turned against you all of a sudden. Even if they were stressful and said hurtful things at the heat of the moment, it just revealed how they truly felt about you. It just showed how they disrespect you and shouting at you is alright. Yes, I am courteous and polite and thankful to people because that is my nature. But at times I was told I should not be too polite. Maybe they are right. I just feel really disappointed and sad that I could never feel the same to those trusted partners anymore. I need to continue working with them but I don't feel that I can. The work is not going to be great if this goes on like this. The bigger long-term impact is I lost all the faith and trust in people. I don't mind being alone. I can cope on myself. I just cannot handle people anymore. But I need to work with them. And I don't want the work to turn bad. I have very few friends or very few people who I liked working with. It's very sad that it turns out they hate me. But I tell myself I'm used to be alone. This shouldn't be a big deal. I don't care no one cares. I don't want a shoulder to cry on, I just want the tears to stop. I am an atheist. No religion please. How can I stop the tears?
    

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Next time you find yourself feeling sad and vulnerable, pause for a moment and consider why those feelings have taken root within you. Where has your mind been? In other words, what have you been thinking and telling yourself? While externals have the potential to bring us down, the main battlefield is really our own minds.

If you can learn to counter your negative thoughts with realistic (if not, positive) thoughts about the situation you are in, the tears will stop. That's the challenge but it's not impossible :) Instead of constantly letting your mind run over how heartbroken and disappointed you are, make a list of at least 5 things you are grateful for. Go ahead, do it! Just 5 things - even if it's as simple as the warm comfort of a bed to fall into at the end of a hard day at work. Keep adding to your list. During my own struggle with depression, this simple exercise saved me in more ways that you can imagine.

Besides that, do talk to someone you trust. Don't let your frustrations fester. It may not seem like it now but this, too, shall pass.

Warm wishes,

Chara

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